It’s 1 am, I played Town of Salem for the first time and loved every second of playing. I am tired, but I am happy. I don’t know what it is about me going on and doing normal stuff that gets me to think so existentially, but I guess that’s just how my brain works.
The saying that life is what you make of it is incredibly true. Whatever you want life to be about you can make it that way. If you want to work really hard and follow a dream you really love you can. If you feel like binging a tv show and relaxing all day you can. No matter what the situation is you have a choice.
I’ve learned that for me, so long as I choose myself and choose my happiness I can’t go wrong. People in the world might care about me, but at the end of the day I have to be my own best friend, therapist, motivational coach, teacher, and on and on. I have to be the one that values myself. Otherwise, how can expect everyone else to value me.
I can choose to let the world cave in (and sometimes it feels like it wants to) or I can push back and choose to do the best I can wherever I’m at in life no matter how low or high that point may be. As I choose myself I also have to value others choosing themselves and understand that they like I am are doing the best they can at the place they are at in life.
It’s a great lesson of radical compassion, for myself and for others. When I make myself accountable in every moment and really see why I have done what I have I can work to be the me I want to be. Now, I realize that I am the me that I want to be.
Putting all passions and hopes for the future aside, who I am now is exactly who I want to be. I care deeply about my family, my friends, animals, anyone I’ve ever loved, even if a stranger is having a rough day. I may have felt with depression and putting myself down, but it’s not something I do anymore.. I lift myself up in every moment. I am an open book. As honest as I ever wanted to be. I am who I am to every person I meet. I am working towards my goals, yet I’m not overextending myself. I am no longer afraid of the future. I am wholly myself.
I let go of some old feelings I didn’t want to admit to myself today and it put me in a yucky mood, yet right after instead of wallowing I decided to watch some videos that lead me to downloading and playing a game that I really enjoy.
Yeah, I’m very critical when I think. Critical of myself and it can lead me astray sometimes, but I’m starting to see the parts of myself I didn’t like before as assets. Even the simple stuff like liking my nose now when I used to really dislike it.
I guess I’m writing this to say this: if you want you can choose the person who you wish to be right now and with small steps you’ll see you can smile in the mirror for tomorrow. That life only has the meaning that you give it. So live the best life that you possibly can with the definition you feel is best for you.
As one lovely human said to me once, “I’m living my best life not my depressed life.” And that’s what I’m choosing to do every single day.
Thank you all for reading! Much love to all of you!
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-Till next time!