A Love Letter to All the Books I Haven’t Written Yet

Dear future novels,

You swim in my head haunting my dreams. You take up more note space in my phone then I ever thought you would. You entice me and make me feel gloriously happy when I think of what you would look like as a full story.

Each and every one of you is unique occupying a different part of my heart. I love each and every one of you (even the ones I haven’t thought of yet). Some of you are contemporary, some of you are horror. Those of you who are fantasy or sci-fi you know how much I dream of writing you well. To all the other genres thriller, magical realism, historical, and romance too..you know I have so many dreams of your existences too!

There are times when I toss in turn just thinking about little scenes that would go perfectly in one story and begging to be seen. Sometimes I feel this soaring deep within my bones just imagining the worlds that I had never seen before.

All you characters are inspiring some sassy some serious… some filled with sadness and others might just be delirious. I love those of you who are angry and just want to fix what’s wrong, but those of you who just want to deal with yourselves that just as valid too. Some of you have magic others are subjected to it. Some of you have none at all and that’s just the fun of it. I can’t wait to write your stories and breath into you all some life. Some victims, heroes, protagonists, all just trying to do what’s right (for you).

I know a lot of you are impatient waiting for me to write your story, but all I need is time to make all of your stories the best that they can be.

I love all the places you take me and I love all of your dreams. I love you future novels. I can’t wait to see where else you bring me.

Love,

Tiana

Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed this little letter. Let me know your thoughts down in the comments.

-Till next time!

A Month in the making: My current WIP

I don’t really have the words for the kind of progress and changes I have made in my life recently. For so long, everything the world threw at me was a block. All I could think was it is useless so why even try. Or even when I try something happens, things don’t work out and I go backwards more often then I move forward.

My mental health was terrible. My heart was in a state of torment and every little thing became a dead forest growing in my mind. I could not give myself to my words because my mind was not ok. I wasn’t happy. Even now my mental health is rocky at times, but the point here is that instead of letting my thoughts win over I am giving myself to action.

I started writing my first draft of my current fantasy WIP on May 31st of this year with 6,000 words having already been written. (I had tried creating a different first draft, but I changed a whole bunch of stuff and rebooted it). Today on July 8th, 2018 about a month and a week later i have 20,000 words and a hold on my story that I never thought I would have.

For the first time in my life I sit and think to myself “yeah I think I can do this”. On May 31st I gave myself 3 months to write my first draft and in the first month I wrote more then I ever had and even though I feel a little behind (especially because I had very sucky days during that time where I didn’t write at all) I also feel like what I want to achieve is possible.

The weird thing is that at 20,000 words I still feel like my story has just begun. I realized that 50k is probably not going to be anywhere really close to the amount of words this novel will eventually have and that’s ok. I also learned that (at least for fantasy) I am an extreme underwriter with a lot of scenes needing more description and fleshing out to feel truly right.

I created a character who has gone through her life like I have and sees her mistakes as mental blocks and feels a bit empty, yet still tries and I made her personal to me. I came up with a new p.o.v with a character born with good intention, but goes bad after seeing far too many bad things and giving into it out of a different sort of good intention. I have a friend character who is funny, but sometimes goes a little bit to far, but only to lighten up hard situations. The characters in this book are so unique and different in my head and I love them all for different reasons.

I never thought I would write a book I wanted to read so badly. The fact that it came from the simple concept of having a soulmate book where the couple wasn’t actually awful to each other and had a healthy relationship is incredible to me. What stemmed from that is so much more then that. It’s magical, sad, hopeful, and at times… tragic (also has cool pets). It isn’t perfect. I don’t even think that it is good yet, but I can see what it could be.

I don’t know where the story will be a month from now. I don’t know how it will evolve. All I know is that the me that thought I could never write a fantasy novel is happy to realize that it was always possible. The me that couldn’t help writing contemporary scenes is happy that I decided that the first real try at a novel was for a fantasy. I’m not sure that if I wrote a contemporary first if I would have ever found the confidence to go for a fantasy, but now I feel like I could write for all the genres I love and that all those stories will be written.

I hope I never loose the excitement for stories that I feel right now. I love my characters. I love them and I let them live through terror and hurt, but I always.. always give them hope. The stories I love don’t stray from life’s ugly moments and my books won’t either. But in life there is beauty too and so I won’t forget to give happiness along the way.

I hope that as time moves forward that my writing only gets better. That I only tell stories that I would give 5 stars to. Right now, my fantasy is at a 3 star, but has 5 star potential. I am going to keep shining out my story till it is the best that it can be.

Thanks for reading! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below.

-Till next time!

First Drafts and A New Perspective

So I know I’ve been talking a lot about writing on this blog recently, but honestly I have no regrets. To have the thing that I had been so fearful of be something I now find myself being dedicated to is incredible.

The most important thing that got me back into writing was the idea of writing a first draft in three months, not looking at it for at least a month, and being able to revise and rewrite later.

The first idea came from Stephen King “The first draft of a book — even a long one — should take no more than three months, the length of a season,” I thought about all the authors I knew that had books that took years for them to write and then others that also wrote fast first drafts. It forced me to choose what kind of writer I wanted to be. So I choose the three month draft.

I figured that there is no reason for me to spend months and months at a time just thinking and dreaming about the ideas for stories I wanted to write. In fact that did a whole lot of nothing for me. (Except that I know have a huge list of ideas that has over twenty ideas in great detail. While more come all the time).

I wanted to be the kind of writer that writes everyday without fail. The kind that puts out book after book and they are all unique yet give meaning of their own. So making that deadline and telling myself with no BS that I’m going to write a first draft in 3 months was huge. I wasn’t sure I believed I could commit to it until last night. Last night I reached 19,000 words. More then I had ever written for any novel before (and with so much story left to tell). I wasn’t sure if I would ever get past 10,000 words for any novel. Plus it was at 19,000 words that I finally felt like I had the true beginnings of a novel shaped thing and a real and mostly solid story to tell.

The point of not looking at a draft for at least a month came from another author I had been watching on YouTube Kim Chance. She would talk about just getting words out and leaving them alone for a while till you could come back to them with a fresh set of eyes.

In truth, I took these pieces of advice and transformed them into the best ways I felt I could use them, by giving myself a chance to stagger the books I wanted to write and making it so that I’m never not drafting or editing (which so far is going great for me!). Combining these things there is no reason for me not to have a first draft available every three months. Plus my first draft gets written while only writing 30 min. To an hour everyday and it makes it so I can manage other projects simultaneously. Both pieces of advice have become one to create my new way of writing.

The last piece of advice came from many authors all over the place. The idea that the first draft is just the bones of the story. It doesn’t have to be perfect because your figuring things out. This was a huge change in perspective because I was always editing and reworking as I went and I wanted everything perfect immediately, but honestly I never got anywhere that way. Learning that it’s ok to write badly so that you can make it stronger later gave me a sense of happiness and writing my first draft of my first novel now has become a much easier and better process for it.

Because of all this my fantasy novel that once read like a contemporary has found its world. I finally figured out what tense I wanted to write in after switching between first person past and present like someone flicking lights rapidly and not stopping. I added a second p.o.v. that I absolutely adore! I figured out for sure how magic works in my story. Plus a much better sense of what direction I want the story to go. Of course it needs work and even by the end I will have something even more different from what I have now, but I am happy because I have a process. Plus enough story to tell to truly make a novel.

Thanks for reading! What is your writing process like? I’m curious to see what all the other writers out there have to say about their own writing Journey’s.

Till next time!

A Change in Perseption

The quote above is something that I had heard for a long time, but didn’t quite believe. Shouldn’t you give your novel time to be written just as it should be from the get go?

It’s that mindset instilled in me from an early age that told me, if your going to do something, do it right the first time. It’s an interesting sentiment, but woefully unrealistic. We are humans fallible, hurting, but always dreaming.

Whenever I tried to write for a story it would be when I had that spark of inspiration that came once or twice every month. I wasn’t giving myself to my work because I didn’t want to be a failure and I didn’t want my work to be bad.

Thinking that I could edit later had crossed my mind, but something within me still didn’t believe it. Still believed that some words were beyond saving.

I wish I had just gone for writing from the get go. I wish I had pounded my keyboard and never stopped the second I realized Writing was for me, but hey at the age of 19? I think it’s not too late to start now.

I want to be a writer that drafts like crazy and I will be. I want to be a writer who edits with a keen eye and I will be. I want to be a writer who never lets a blank page stop her and that is one thing I think I am.

We all have different processes and I want this to know be mind. To write every single day with no regrets. Leaving the bad stuff to be fixed later. Letting the story form slowly, by steadily in the now.

Thanks for reading! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below.

-Till next time!

National Writing Day

Hello Everyone!

I woke up this morning to the wonderful surprise that today is National Writing Day! I hadn’t realized that there was a national writing day and stumbling upon it first thing in the morning made me feel like today is going to be a great day.

Today I hope to get in a longer writing session 1 to 2 hours instead of the usual 30 mins. I hope to take a look at a lot of writerly resources that are being offered such as the free Author Masterclass being offered by Authorfy for six weeks.

I have been loosing track in my writing for the past few days and really I’ve been off the rails in general, but I have a feeling that I’m going to be able to tackle today with confidence for once.

I’m going to think of today as a day or writing not only for myself, but as a day of appreciation of all the amazing writers out there published and not published who are struggling to make it in this really difficult, but really beautiful industry.

I hope everyone has a wonderful day writing. Weather it’s a short story, poem, continuing a novel, or writing a blog post. We should all spend this day writing with the thought that one day our voices may be heard.

Thanks for reading! What will you write today?

-Till next time!

A Taste of My Current WIP

Right now I am working actively on two different stories. My fantasy novel and a poetry collection that is like a fragment book of memories, thoughts, and emotions that deals with growing up, my family life, dealing with anger and depression, and the struggle of wanting to be someone other then myself.

I want to give you all a taste of that project with the poem I wrote for it today. Something that I would love to hear feedback on!

Untitled

It is the night that inspires me and under its darkness I have said the things that were both my greatest thoughts and harshest twists at my families expense.

Everything is heightened when the world goes down into silence including my anger including my desire including my pain.

How could I allow myself to say the things I have said when my mom’s face grows sour, my tears inconsolable, the pieces of myself being cut away.

I don’t know this midnight monster I see in the mirror with it’s tears on display and it’s teeth sharp ready to speak with a voice tinged in the blood from which it stabbed its own gums.

It is the night where it comes out and I choose to dance or I choose to let it breath and when it breathes it kills and while it hurts those I love it kills me slowly slowly I lose my breath my mind my need to exist.

Yet my savior comes in a small still voice of the little girl who knew the same pain yet tried and tried and tried and so for her I continue on I swallow the breaking pieces of teeth and I let the tears become small specs of salt shining down my face.

I scream I’m sorry forgive me I’m sorry

I’m trying I’m trying I’m trying

I try to accept my deserved untrue “it’s ok, it’s not a big.” deal like a large and burning pill.

Even when I want to fight it the answer my thoughts my actions the reactions… I was the the monster and monsters always get what they deserve.

Thanks for reading! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments.

-Till next time!

The Kind of Writer I Wish to Be

With all my heart my one wish in this world is to be a writer. A writer that tells ya stories like the many that have captured my heart and shaped me as I grew older.

Every time I see an author that writes prolifically and comes out with one even two or three novels every year I am filled to the brim with a certain envy. That is the life I want. I want to write every single day. I want to write every single one of the stories that have danced in my head since I was 14 years old. Old stories, new stories, retellings, horrors, and fantasies. I want to tell them all.

I want to be the kind of writer that drafts constantly. That breaths life into story after story allowing myself to finesse one while creating the other. I want to tell stories that have hope, but also the stories that are a bit of a tragedy. I want my characters to feel real and to walk into worlds that feel just as real.

I want to be the kind of author that doesn’t give up. The kind of author that doesn’t neglect herself or her poetry. The kind of author that doesn’t deny that swirl of different and polar opposite stories that life inside her and to never give up on any of them. An author with no particular specialty to be known for. An author whom isn’t stuck in a corner of a specific genre.

Most of all I want to be the kind of author that gives herself to Writing every day of her life. Gives herself over to it and lets it be what it’s meant to. Denying her muse nothing.

One day I hope to be that kind of writer. I hope to make it my life. It may take years and years of hard work and learning, but my journey has just begun and I’m finally realizing that I am taking steps to be on the right path.

Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think down in the comments.

-Till next time!

Writing Update!

So as many of you know I participated in Camp Nano last month. What many of you don’t know however, is that I completely failed it. Which I am honestly not surprised by. You see writing and I have a relationship that has been more tooth and nail then harmony and while I always push myself to start off really strong it never lasts long.

However, recently I have had a breakthrough. The WIP that I was writing for Camp Nano will be written and for now I have given myself the deadline to be finished by August 28th, 2018. Of which is as of now a fixed date. As of right now, due to reworking how I want the story to go and revamping the world and the magical system and changing up the beginning I have scrapped about 10,000 words leaving me with 5,000 to start building my first draft from. The deadline is three months, but I hope to prove to myself that I can finish it a bit before that time and if I do I will let you all know.

The other part of my update is that I have two other projects that I am working on alongside my fantasy WIP. Both are very personal works that deal with telling the story of my life so far in two different mediums. The first is the long abandoned Confessions of a Teenage Writer that deals with writing and writerly struggles, but is turning into a self-help book where I share my experiences, rejecting and refunding my passion, and the crazy happenings that have me washed ashore on my life as it is now. You can read the beginnings of this novel that I began out of joy and hope on wattpad here. I thought about removing it, but I am thinking that as I rewrite it pieces of this beginning will be there, but it will be far different then it was before. Plus its a wonderful memory to keep it on there as is to look back on in the future,

The second is a poetry collection of works that tell fragments of my memory and my past, my relationship with my family who shares no blood relation, my inner demons, and dealing with the emotions that I have carried on my back for far too long. It is inspired by a part of All of This is True where the author character in the novel writes a novel which weight becomes the defining weight of her grief. I want to see the weight of my past in physical form if only I can move from it graciously.

I hope that announcing these three projects keeps me accountable for them. I have a habit of rejecting my own voice. I hope that starting out my writing career with such personal works (balanced on the pendulum of the fantasy) I can better accept myself and move forward in my writing without fear.

Thank you so much for reading! I am so grateful to share this part of my journey with you all. I am committing myself to a restart in this life of mine. I hope that what is created from it will be something that I am proud to share with all of you in the months and years to come.

-Till next time!

My New Goals: Forget New Years Resolutions!

I always find myself at a loss with my New Years resolutions, they never work out and honestly I think as the year goes on your wants change anyways so of course your goals do as well! I think every day is a chance to improve and here are some of the things I’m going to do to slowly achieve some of my biggest goals for myself.

In writing:

I want to finish a book in the next few months no matter what. I think I procrastinate way too much with writing and I make things out to be much harder then they are. I’m going to be joining Camp Nanowrimo in April. I’m going to be writing a Dragon story that I feel I need to prove to myself that I can actually write.

I hope to complete 25,000 words in April which comes out to 833 Words per day. What I am going to do to keep up with writing is wake up earlier in the morning and immediately write for at least 15 minutes. Then later in the day write again for at least 15 minutes. I hope that this way I make writing my priority and no matter what words will be poured into paper.

In blogging:

As some of you may know, I am severely behind in my reviews… especially my Netgalley reviews. I currently have 33 Netgalley books to read and quite a few I have already read but have yet to review. However posting a review every single day is NOT going to happen. It makes me unhappy with blogging and I end up just not wanting to blog very often. So I hope to post a review every other day or so and post other kinds of posts I want to write in between.

Another aspect is that I want to start blogging daily again. I miss the feeling of being excited to get up a post everyday and I think I’m getting a feel for how best to do so.

The last thing in blogging is my engagement in other bloggers websites. I find I don’t read others blog posts enough and to fix that I want to start commenting on at least 10 posts every single day. I want to make time to read others posts as others have made the time to read my own.

In fluency:

I want to learn how to speak Spanish fluently. This is something I have wanted for a long time, but never really took seriously. Honestly I could do a whole post on what I am currently doing now because it is a lot. I probably spend two to three hours a day doing different tasks towards learning Spanish. Weather it’s reading listening to music or contacting a native speaker. I am going to continue that dedication every single day until I feel confident and comfortable using and thinking in Spanish.. it could take years, but I think so far I’ve gone leaps and bounds beyond what I knew before.

In flexibility and fitness:

I need exercise. I want to feel strong and flexible and I want to feel good in the clothes I ware. I want to exercise at least once or twice a week and to do flexibility exercises every single day. This also comes down to waking up earlier and making time to work out for an hour and still have time to do everything else I want to during the day.

All in all my goals require this:

1. For me to wake up early (which really means for me to wake up the first time I open my eyes and not at the 3rd or 4th time)

2. For me to not get distracted by YouTube, video games on my phone, or social media

3. For me to not procrastinate and do all the tasks I wish to complete diligently and without excuse

4. For me to change my outlook on life.. these things are all good for me. They all help me grow as a person. Giving time to meet my goals is important and I owe it to myself to make all my dreams come true

There are little things here and there that are also goals I have, but for now these are the main ones. Of course with all this I will ALWAYS make reading time and for now I’m setting it at 1 hour per day.

Thanks for reading! What are your goals?

-Till next time!

Camp Nanowrimo: I’m Participating Again!

So it’s this time of the year again where writers all over set out to write however much they want to over a months period in Camp Nanowrimo! One thing I sadly have never completely successfully… (the fact that this post initially crashed my WordPress app just as I was beginning to write this so I had to start over better not be an omen).

I have probably set out and tried to do a nano project about 10 different times… seriously over 10. The largest number of words I ever completed was 5,000 words… only 5,000… however I keep trying (why you ask? Maybe I’m just a gluten for punishment who knows?).

What is going to make this time any different from my previous attempts? For one thing I created a new Camp Nano account so that I could start everything over fresh without looking at previous failed attempts. Hopefully with nothing of the past to look at I can create a future of successes into the rest of my Nano career.

This time, I am aiming for 25,000 words so that I can ease into writing instead of bulldozering into it, like I usually would by going for 50,000. I could always write as if I’m going for the 50k, but this way if I don’t actually reach it I know I will have a very substantial amount of writing to be proud of regarding my WIP.

The current novel I am going for is a Dragon Soulmate novel featuring a healthy relationship that doesn’t have the possessiveness I usually find when I read soul mate novels (something I have grown to be very frustrated with). There isn’t really anything special about this novel other then the fact that I want to have something to read in the universe that shows a slower paced healthy relationship and since I haven’t be able to find it out in the real world I might as well be the one to write it.

Anywho, there is obviously more to my WIP then that, but for now I’m leaving it to be a mystery. I hope to stay positive and give this a serious go. Who knows maybe something amazing will come from it!

Thanks for reading! Let me know your thoughts in the comments below. Are you joining Nanowrimo.

-Till next time!