Spending Time With Family

This blog has become very personal recently, and honestly I like it. Sharing my ups and downs and more what’s going on with me, especially when there has been a lot going on with me recently is pretty cool. Being able to remain open and honest about my anxieties, depression from events that have past, and what I’m healing mentally is really awesome! I’m very grateful to have a platform where I can be real with others.

That being said today was another nice day. It’s a day I needed. It’s also a day I think my family needed too. Myself, my mom, and my sister went to visit some relatives on my mom’s side and it was a pretty chill (also cold) and relaxing day. I may have felt tired all day, but I ate some great food, learned how to play a game called Mexican Train, and got to go on a nice walk with my niece and nephew. We were on a quest to fly a drone that just didn’t pan out, but otherwise it was a nice walk.

It feels weird, but I’m relaxing into life after a long time of feeling afraid of it. Even when I was happy about it I was afraid that the happiness would go away, but now I’m really feeling cool with whatever comes and goes and that feeling is amazing.

2018 in general has been a big year for me, but I’ve grown a lot especially mentally this year. I’m more in tune now with what I want and how I feel then I’ve ever been and I’m genuinely excited for the first time to see what 2019 brings. Before I was honestly terrified, but now I have an odd peaceful feeling about it. It feels like a year I purged a lot of emotion. Old wounds that have now mostly healed. Especially wounds that I didn’t realize I had.

As crazy as it is to say I feel like I needed to go through all the difficult things I went through this year so that I could become stronger as a person. Because I do feel stronger. Yeah, I hurt a lot this year. I dealt with a lot of general unhappiness. I also didn’t deal with certain things in the best way. But, I’m human and I’m still learning. I think no matter how old you get there is still something to learn. I’m only 20, I’m going to make a lot of mistakes in my life. I just have to make it a point to try my best.

Thanks for reading! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below.

-Till next time!

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A Random Encounter for A Fantastic Day

Today was surprisingly a fantastic day. I haven’t had a fantastic day like this is a long time and I had to share it with all of you.

I started my day and exercised for almost an hour. It’s this MMA style workout from Les Miles to some fantastic music that makes me sweat like nothing else. About 40 mins or so in I got kinda dizzy so I had to cut it short. I wasn’t expecting to workout so it was fun to have it happen.

Then I did some meditation that caused some weird feelings in my body out of nowhere and a lot of emotions got purged. It was one of the strangest experiences I’ve had while meditating. After, I had a nice bath and got ready for work. Then I finished writing and posted my 2019 goals post. I read some chapters from Wicked Saints and ate some food. Then I got to work.

Today would’ve been an alright pretty normal day, but I got to work register today and because of that I got to meet one of the Youtubers I’ve been watching for 5 almost 6 years and I freaked out.

Yep, that’s me with Rafi Fine from the Fine Bros. This is one of the coolest pictures I have on my phone now ever. I never meet people that I actually am super excited to meet and when he came up to buy some pretzels my brain went haywire. I’ve been watching react videos for so long and it was an honor to meet a creator whose content I have such respect for. The first thing that came out of my mouth was ‘you do YouTube’ and he nodded and we had a nice short conversation while he was ordering with his date and I admit I was a bit clumsy about the interaction and it wasn’t one of my ‘finest’ moments. His date too was really nice and was the one to offer to take the picture above to which I replied ‘I can have a picture?’ Which was something that’s cool to me, but didn’t think to ask myself because I don’t like to be a bother. All in all it was one of the coolest randomest interactions ever and I’m so stoked about it. (Also, because Rafi doesn’t show his face that much in FBE videos in my head I couldn’t place exactly what YouTube channel he was from and it drove me crazy for a while). I’m glad though that the short conversation didn’t suffer for it.

After that, I was in a state of happiness for the rest of the day and I was smiling really widely at customers for a while and managed to receive a good amount of tips thanks to that. Then at the very end my coworker gave me a belated birthday/Christmas present of two gift cards to some food places that I am very grateful for.

All in all, it was a fantastic day. It was a random day. A weird day, but a fantastic one. I felt almost blissfully happy today and I’ll take that feeling any time I can get it.

Thanks for reading! I hope you all don’t mind the double post for today. I had to share this with all of you. It was too awesome not to share.

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Till next time!

2019: The Year I Take Back Life for Myself

Before I had said I wasn’t ready for 2019. But, I think a few things have changed that. The first, I saw this little girl at my work yesterday and she was the feistiest happiest little girl I ever saw. She just by being alive and being as happy as could be inspired me. I’ve been wallowing over everything that I can’t change. The guy I fell in love with left me. My dad’s health isn’t doing well and continues to decline. My finical situation sucks. I’m in a job I hate. I’m not writing and I hadn’t felt motivated to do anything sense I lost the one thing that really felt good in a all the chaos.

Yet, yet that little girl she reminded me of something really important. That it’s not life that decides who you are and what you do it’s you. You can choose to shine your light or you can choose to wallow. I’m done wallowing. I want to smile and laugh and enjoy life for me again. I want to be what makes me happy. Whatever that brings into my life I want to give my all into.

I may not have the guy that I fell for to dance through life with anymore, but I have myself. I will always have myself. I want to forage love for myself. I want to be mindful of my mental health and achieve great things next year.

So here are my goals for 2019:

  • To write everyday a minimum of 500 words towards one of my WIPs. Writing needs to be more of a priority in general. I have no real excuse about not making my dream a reality. If I create a daily writing habit I can finally take real steps toward eventually publishing a novel one day.
  • To not freak out when things don’t happen the way I think they will. Too often I think that somethings going to turn out a certain way or that someone is going to react one way or another and a lot of the time I’m wrong and things end up worse off then they were before. So, I’m going to be mindful of myself and take time to process a situation before I make a decision. I am also going to just be really open and honest about as much as I can and to not get so upset about things when they go awry. Getting upset doesn’t really help anyone and it certainly doesn’t help me. I’m going to leave more things up to my faith. To try and learn to recognize what things need my input and what things don’t. To give things time to dissipate on their own time and not do so much scrambling to fix things that I can’t fix.
  • To read books I Physically Own. I have many books on my shelves being neglected. Many I’m super excited to read. I just need to get my butt in gear and read them.
  • To not take things too seriously. Yes, there are things in this life that are serious and need to be thought about, however, with my mental health being what it is I need fun in my life. I need to laugh and be happy. I need to dance when I feel like it. I need to make jokes when the moment arises. I need to go out and enjoy what the world has to offer when I need to. I can’t live my life fearing what’s next all the time. Living a life full of sadness and anxiety isn’t living a life at all. And in a lot of ways this means leaving my heart open, not just to love (even if I still have only one guy in my heart, even if I’d love it for him to be back in my life, I can’t force someone to want me in their life, and so I have to accept that he let me go) but to friendships and to people in general.
  • To give Duolingo a second chance. Sometimes I forget my own neediness and desire for knowledge. I love to study things. Anything really. Take me to look at science books in a store and I’ll be interested. Language is one of the things that fascinates me. I need to continue my Spanish practice and do at least two levels of the whole tree and maybe then I can move on to a new language. All I know is daily practice is key!
  • To write a poem every day. This is going to be fun for me, because I’m planning on doing a random poetry prompt generator and putting all my poetry up on wattpad. These poems are probably going to be a bit silly, but the point of it is also to let my brain loosen up a bit. To have fun while writing something.
  • To blog daily. I hate that I often have random hiatuses where none of you know why I stopped posting for a while or what’s going on. I want to commit to blogging and have fun with it. I might have to do a little bit of planning to keep myself on track, but I don’t mind doing so so much. I know I’m capable of it so I’m going to give it a go.
  • To meditate daily. Meditation is one of those little things that has really helped me stay sane. I haven’t been doing it much recently and I need to find my way back to it.
  • To take my mental health seriously. Recently, due to my very terribly timed break up with someone I never wanted to loose my mental health suffered greatly. My eating was weird because there were times where nothing tasted good and It’s caused me to want to throw up. I’ve cried a lot. Even though I’m trying to move forward I still want to cry now. The missing feels like I have a hole where my heart used to be, but at the same time I feel so much love for him there and it’s as if my heart refuses to believe it’s all over. The strangest things remind me of him and as positive as I’m trying to be sometimes I want to curl up in a ball and let the world swallow me whole. It hurts a lot. I feel like I lost something truly beautiful. I feel like I lost something truly right. Because of these feeling I hurt and at the most random of times. I’ll cry alone in the storage room at work or in the shower or just walking anywhere. I need to make it a point to be good to myself and take things slow. Yes, I want to start doing things again. I don’t like to feel like things out of my control have gotten the best of me. I want to move forward with my life and remember that what’s meant to be will happen and nothing can stop it. That whoever I’m meant to be with is out there and if it’s the guy I fell for then he’d be there for me, but if not then someone really awesome is waiting for me and they deserve me at my best. That I deserve to be my best self for me. So I’m going to be kind to myself in 2019. I’m going to get productive, but I’m also going to be good to myself.
  • To maintain my eating/exercise habits. My body already looks better now then it ever did. I weigh less then I did in high school. My sister subscribed to a workout program online called Les Miles. Over the past few weeks I’ve been exercising a whole lot more and it’s been a lot of fun. In 2019, I want to work on my physical health and find strength both physically and mentally.
  • To work on a business project. Hopefully this works out the way I hope it will, because then I’ll have my own little business to keep up and running in 2019! It’s at the basic stages right now, but hopefully I’ll be selling some very special products in the new year!
  • To find and wear clothing that makes me feel good. I don’t talk about it much, but I do appreciate fashion. I don’t wear stuff that I actually like wearing often at all because in my job I have a uniform and everything gets dirty and I end up feeling like a potato at work, but I want to make some opportunities to look nice outside of work for myself. Especially now that I’m really starting to love how my body actually looks.
  • To keep up a daily journal. Sometimes it can feel cathartic to keep up a journal. To remember that you can feel one way one day and the complete opposite the next. Plus, it will be a nice little something to look back on. Who knows what each day will bring?
  • To stretch daily. I’ve always wanted to be flexible, but I give up on it far too often. I want to make it a point to work at least a little towards it everyday. Who knows? Maybe the impossible split isn’t impossible?
  • To choose myself. I have a bad habit of doing things to please other people. To put others needs before my own. Even to let others problems become mine. I’m an empath and even reading a fictional story can leave me balling. I need to start choosing myself. To do what I feel is right for me. To make myself a priority. To listen to myself and do things that make me happy and that are genuinely good for me.
  • To interact with fellow bloggers again. I’ve been dreadfully inactive in this community. I miss reading and commenting on everyone’s blogs. I’m going to make it a point to start commenting again more often in the new year.
  • To reduce my anxiety and depression. Recently, I’ve been really working hard on this part of myself. These feelings internally are hard to ignore. A big thing for me is going to be working on seeing positives in life. To take little pieces of happiness wherever I can find it. To give in to what God and the universe has in store for me and to stop trying to control it.

2019 and the rest of my life is coming weather I’m ready or not. What’s going to happen with life is going to happen no matter what. I can’t forget to enjoy life. I can’t let myself go through life feeling broken. I need to enjoy what I’ve got. To have fun. To be my best self. I have not handled many of the recent events in my life well. I made some poor decisions that I regret. Healing in the new year may take time. I know getting back to myself will take time, but eventually I’ll get there. When I finally do I can’t wait to see what the world has in store for me. 2019 will be a year of hard work, but it will be incredible to see who I become once it is over.

Thanks for reading! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below.

-Till next time!

Books of Christmas Future 2018

The future is an enigma. No one can know truly what is to come or what will be. One can only let the universe know their hopes and see if the universe grants what they wish to be.

Maybe the future will grant me a story of lives past

Or maybe the future will be where it’s at

A continuation of a story I started in the past

Or something totally new to keep the imagination something that lasts

Maybe a story to spark love in my heart

Or something where demons live supreme

Maybe something with a bit of tongue in cheek

Or something written a bit uniquely

Maybe something to spark some fear

But you can’t be without a bit of tears

What ever Christmas future brings

I know I’m going to love the adventure they bring

Thanks for reading! Let’s all hope for some great stories in our Christmas futures! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below.

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-Till next time!

Books of Christmas Present

This year, I did not receive any books for Christmas. It was a very clothing heavy Christmas this year. Which makes sense due to my rapid weight loss journey over the course of the past months.

In a way it gave me a chance to appreciate the books on my shelves that I own and haven’t yet read.

Truly the Books of the Present are all the amazing books on my shelves and in my kindle library that are just waiting to tell me their stories. I can’t wait to dive into them.

This post almost turned into something sad. Not because it is absent of books or anything. But because, Christmas this year has not felt like Christmas for me. I notice in my own family that everyone looked like they were going through the motions this year and it felt like the spirit of the season was completely absent.

However, it’s good to remember that no matter what we are still family and that we love each other. Even when times get hard. That because of the love we feel for each other we can get through any obstacle.

If anything, this Christmas is teaching me to try and take action to bring joy into my life. Instead of letting things remain in a negative state. Because I don’t like feeling down during the holiday season. This Christmas is as it is, but next Christmas will be here before I know it and I want to enjoy it for what it should be.

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas Day. I hope it was filled with joy and good interactions with family, friends, and loved ones.

Thank you all for reading!

Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below!

-Till next time!

Books of Christmas Past 2018

I hope everyone is having a fun wonderful and safe Christmas Eve. I hope everyone is spending some quality time with family, friends, and loved ones this holiday season. As is tradition on my blog I every Christmas Eve, day, and day after I create Books of Christmas Past, Present, and Future. Last year I was fortunate enough to receive some really great books for the holidays!

Without further ado here are my books of Christmas Past 2018:

The Girl Who Could Silence the Wind

I have yet to read this beautiful looking book. It was a giveaway surprise I received shortly before Christmas last year and I’m sad that I hadn’t gotten to read it just yet. It’s magical realism which is a genre that always captures my attention and I know that when I finally get to it I’m going to adore this book!

Hunting Prince Dracula by Kerri Maniscalco

Last year I received this incredible gem of a book and I adored reading it. The Stalking Jack the Ripper series is one of my absolute all time favorites and I’m so excited to one day pick up Escaping Houdini!!! I could scream my love of this book for ages and never stop. If your interested here is the link to my review.

Goodbye Days by Jeff Zentner

I’ve been meaning to read this book for a long while now, but this and many other books have been put to the side for a while due to the events of recent times. I’m hoping I get into reading it in the new year!

Wintersong by S. Jae-Jones

I can’t believe I got this book only last year. I loved reading it, but I didn’t realize that it was going to mean as much to me as it does now. This book is special. In a much deeper way to me then it was when I first read it. I’m going to make it a point to re-read this and Shadowsong in the new year. If you are interested in all my thoughts and feelings here’s a link to my review! This book was one of my favorites of 2017, but now I’m willing to say its one of my all time favorites ever.

The First Four Books In the Throne of Glass Series

This book was the start of a really fantastic series for me. I enjoyed reading immensely. Especially the books after ‘Throne of Glass’.

Again such a great series. It just gets better as it goes on.

Thanks for reading!!! Merry Christmas Eve to all of you! I hope you have amazing times with your family, friends, and loved ones!

-Till next time!

What my State Of Mind is Right Now

At this moment in time my mind has come to a state that is much stronger then it’s ever been. After over a month of nonstop tears I’ve finally found a respite. It’s nice to feel this way as Christmas approaches. However, I don’t think the Christmas mood is going to find its way into my heart this year. I’ve made my peace with that. I’m focusing as much as I can on healing my hurt and slowly getting myself into a place where I let myself hope again.

Looking back on these past few months I’ve never had myself spiral this bad into depression and anxiety. I realized that decisions I made where not good and resulted in loosing something I never wanted to loose because instead of taking things calmly and trusting in fate and trusting in general I let worry and fear control me. I am never ever doing that again. In every situation that comes my way in the future I’m going to make better decisions and trust that things will work out as they should naturally. Things fall apart when you try so hard to make things work that you act so irrationally that the opposite happens.

As of right now, I have accepted my confusion about the events of the past few months. I have accepted that whatever is going to happen in the future is going to happen. I have come to realize that I’m very sorry for the things my anxiety led me to, but that my anxiety isn’t an excuse. If I work at it I can control it and I didn’t. I’m never making that mistake again.

I know now that when I fall in love with someone it’s permanent. That I’m going to feel that love in my heart for the rest of my life, but because of it I understand that sometimes the other person needs something else in life. That I can’t force a person to stay when they don’t want to and their reason is their reason and it’s not up to me to hold on. That my happiness can be overwhelming when I’m with someone, but I can find and be happy standing on my own. Because I’m a whole person. Love just makes me overflow.

I’ve also learned that break ups really can be as upsetting as tv would have you believe. If I let myself really think about it, as I have done a lot in the recent past, I can get to a state where I’m bawling and so I try not to so much.

Regardless of what happens in the future who stays in my life, who comes into it, or who leaves, or what random thing life has in store for me, I’m going to build up my armor, not necessarily to keep people away, but to get through any obstacles that may come my way in a healthy and better way. So instead of freaking out about things that are out of my control I leave it up to faith and trust that good is just around the corner.

I also have come to realize that my family and I have very different stances on a lot of things that I didn’t previously think we thought differently on. That as I grow in the future I have to trust how I feel more then getting lost in worries that aren’t even my own. To listen to concerns, but to trust in my own judgment more.

Right now, I’m building the blocks of a much steadier mind. I know how I feel and I know that I have to trust that things will turn out well in the future. I have learned many lessons and am now going to make sure they stick. I will create happiness for myself. I will be so much better as a person for all that’s happened. Even if I wished I could turn back and change a lot of it. Maybe then things wouldn’t have ended like they did (preferably not ended at all) , but all I can do is look forward.

Thanks for reading! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below.

-Till next time!

What Penny Marshall Meant to Me

Penny Marshall: 1943-2018

Penny Marshall played Laverne on the hit tv sit-com Laverne and Shirley. This is where I know her best from. As a kid I grew up watching this light hearted fun little show that brought me a lot of real joy.

Laverne for me was an icon. You saw her with that huge L on her chest and you knew to expect some great comedy. I spent my time growing up and laughing thanks to this show. It was one of those go to shows that my mom owned on DVD and replayed like no tomorrow.

Take two girls just navigating life and trying to find love with many a hiccup along the way and you get something great. I think about the story as a whole now and it’s all pretty simple, but the friendship and the family of the show is what makes it special to me. I have images and scenes of Laverne and Shirley that will stick with me for the rest of my life.

The two together were a gem. I wish Penny Marshall the most warm farewell and good tidings in the afterlife. She is an inspiration. I am grateful that she had a part in my life.

Thanks for reading! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below.

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-Till next time!

My 20th Birthday

Today, December 17th, is my birthday. For many people a birthday is something special and something celebratory. For me most of the time it feels like just another day of life. Yeah, I get well wishes and congratulations, but honestly if I didn’t mention my birthday was coming up to anyone no one would be the wiser.

That’s something I’ve come to terms with over the years. Having a December birthday can be weird because everyone’s scrambling for gifts for their loved ones for Christmas and frankly I understand that that’s what is and should be more important to people. A lot of the time too gifts for a December birthday and Christmas are rolled into one and you learn that that’s just what it is.

The point that I’m trying to make is, I’ve learned that the day of my birth isn’t all that special, but I can use it as a way to gather what I’ve accomplished in that year of life and what I want to do in the future.

So this year in my life I want to try and accomplish goals I’ve wanted to achieve for years. Like writing everyday and exercising when I can. But I also want to make it a point to be happier. To do as many things as I can that make me happy. To ask when I want something. To not feel so guilty about wanting things for myself.

I also want to tell my future self that no matter what happens this year to be more mindful and chill out a bit before making any decisions. To take life a little more calmly. But at the same time to not hold back and take chances.

There is no reason that the 20th year of my life can’t be one of the best years of my life. I just got to have faith and do what feels right.

Thanks for reading! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below.

-Till next time!

Let’s Talk About: 2018

This year has been a lot and it’s not even over yet, but I am so ready to let this year go and see what 2019 has to bring me. However, that’s more for a later post.

Now I want to talk about this crazy, weirdly not as bad as I previously thought, yet also kinda terrible year. To be honest, the beginning of the year was a blur. I don’t remember much. I was probably frustrated due to finical struggles that continue on to today. The one bright spot was getting a car after a stint of not having one due to awful circumstances that live in 2017.

I remember being frustrated with the same job I still have that has been an ongoing thing this year. I remember applying to a lot of different other jobs that didn’t take. I remember being frustrated with being stagnant in my life and feeling like I was never going to really make anything of myself.

I remember making many many pledges to myself this year and the pride I felt when I kept some of those pledges. One being to do something about my weight because it bothered me and I felt ugly in clothing and so I made it a point to do something about it and it worked. I lost over 14 pounds this year and I’m still losing weight. I remember focusing on my mental health and trying to get back into writing and finishing a draft of a novel for the first time.

On the heel of all that, things that meld together because everyday I made it a point to get up early and make that day a new chance to do what I wanted to do (something I need to bring back into my life), I had a very weird and beautiful period that brought some great people into my life and all of a sudden I found myself in love. That love story was crazy and beautiful and full of hope. The relationship lasted for two months. I knew the guy for three. I am still at a loss for words about it all. I still love this person very much. Regardless, of anything that’s been said to me about it. Regardless, of being terribly confused because I feel like for the first time I don’t understand the why of something because I don’t have the full story. Regardless of the fact that this person left my life in such a way that it’s like he poofed himself out of existence. I still deeply care for love and hope happiness for this person. I wish for all his dreams whatever they may be to come true.

However, the loss and the whole crazy beautiful unbelievable story of it has literally changed my life in so many ways. One, I didn’t ever realize how true it is that break-ups are the worst thing mentally ever. The amount of tears and confusion and physical pain I have felt due to his loss is a bit of insanity. I have never felt so out of myself then I have in this experience. Especially because the truth of the matter is this guy felt like the one. Call me crazy stupid whatever, but that’s how I felt. We got along incredibly well. We understood each other. Something about the thought of him just existing and being the amazing guy I believed in made me feel stable. I don’t know, but I was happier then I had been in years and I was discovering new music with him and I was opening myself up to his world and it felt like he was opening himself up to mine.

All I know is for the rest of my life I will always have this guy in my heart. I will always feel a sense of love for him. Because even if I don’t know the whole story or why we couldn’t be together when everything seemed to be so good and changed so rapidly, I will always know that the love was real. That the guy I was getting to know was as authentic with me as he could be. That I will forever be a better person for knowing him. Whatever happens in the future. Should I meet someone that somehow makes me feel something greater then what he made me feel I will always have a piece of his heart with my own. Even though somewhere deep down I get the feeling that his presence in my life isn’t over and I can’t shake it.

But, to clarify something, I don’t think I handled being in a relationship as well as I could have. There are things that I look back on and think that I should have done things differently. One of those things was how much anxiety I was allowing to build up in myself. I worried a lot more then I should have. I miscalculated a lot of things. I thought my family would be cool with it when they weren’t for reasons I didn’t agree with. I tried to figure out ways to somehow get things to work when a lot of it was out of my control. I also didn’t let him introduce himself the way he wanted to and I shouldn’t have done that. I made a lot of mistakes on my part. However, he was the first thing I choose for myself and though I wish things had turned out differently it I learned a lot of life lessons.

One thing I learned is that I convinced myself that I needed him and maybe in some ways that was true, but the truth is more that I wanted him in my life very badly and I could not imagine for the life of me a more beautiful future for myself then the one with him in it. That even if loosing him wasn’t what I wanted I could move forward in my life without him in it. That I would be ok. Right now, I’m more ok then I was. I think I will always miss him. He is a big part of the reason why I’m trying so hard to stay positive. He taught me that no matter how bleak a situation may look there is always something good in life to enjoy. There will always be weird random things in this world that remind me of him like the time I cried at Walmart just cause I saw some Alfredo sauce and remembered him saying once that he would make pasta with his sister. Or when listening to any Michael Buble song ever. Or every-time my sister puts on the Karate kid and my soul dies a little because I swear I’ve never met a guy who loved that movie as much as he did and I live in a house where that movie gets played a billion times over. This guy even instilled in me a love of heavy metal I never thought I would have. I don’t understand it but somehow so many of those songs bring me peace. Damn it if the sound of guitar played a certain way even in a song I had never heard before brings a tear in my eyes. Losing this guy affected me incredibly deeply. Yet, I’m surprised at how short and small any anger I had was. It’s all just been deep sadness and a deep sense of loss. For a while I couldn’t (sometimes still can’t) eat quite right because things weren’t tasting quite right and I felt like throwing up. I never thought I’d feel that way. Not over a guy. Yet here I am.

Maybe it was partially that it was a perfect storm of sucky things. My dad ending up in the hospital again the day after I realized I’d been ghosted. Finding out my dad had four mini strokes. The many not fun discussions I’d have with my mom because of said guy. Other frustration with myself for feeling like I’d overreacted about everything and that maybe that was why things happened the way they did. Also realizing that my mental health was essentially garbage and I needed time to process everything before I even could have a chance of healing.

So here I am now. After another decent break from blogging due to the chaos a day before my 20th birthday and somehow finding that things aren’t so bad. My dad is doing ok. He’s the same as he has been. I have some plans to take on 2019. I’m no longer in my wallowing stage of my grief. I’m willing to take on whatever it is that life is going to throw at me next.

I will not live in my past. I will not let apathy settle in my heart. 2018 was what it was. A lot of it sucked a lot of it was beautiful and a lot of it was positive too. I know that one day everything is going to turn out alright and everything that has happened will make a lot more sense. All that being said, I wish farewell to 2018 it’s not quite reached its end, but believe me I will be breathing a sigh of relief once it’s over.

Thanks for reading! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below.

-Till next time!