Childhood Wanderings


I never thought I wanted to be a writer. In fact, I despised it when I was young, especially because I related it to handwriting and mine has always been terrible. In fact, I attributed writing to a forced task that was a nuisance keeping me away from going outside and looking for rolly pollys and other creepy crawlies with my dad. 
As a kid that’s what I lived for, walking behind my dad, hearing him tell me “follow the charge.” To which I would run ahead and say, “follow me.” I loved helping him. I loved scraping the dirt and finding weird pupas to hold in my tiny hands. I loved picking up a worm and yelling “look daddy, it’s a worm.” I was a queen of the obvious as most children are, yet bugs amazed me and my dad was the reason I never minded their sometimes slimy skin. 
I feel like I owe a lot of my love for writing thanks to these moments I shared with my father. Watering plants and learning about life from him built a wonder and compassion that has created a huge part of who I am. Feeling so at home in nature gave me the curiosity to look a little deeper, to give myself to what I felt, and feel the need to record the beauty of days spent idle yet full of wonder. 
My dad was never much for books, but he always told me stories, stories that sharpened my mind, created a believer in me, made me think, made me wonder. My childhood is filled with days walking hand and hand with him. Speaking about butterflies and mischief, God and the beauty of bees. Those days under the sun, spending my time listening to his tender voice, sparked a love for words in me that I never realized was so important. 
Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed. I am so happy to be able to share with you all a piece of my life that lead me to pursue the path I am on today, especially such a joyful part of my childhood. Let me know your thoughts in the comments! I’d love to hear any childhood stories you have, what are some of your brightest moments from when you were a kid?

-Till next time!

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I Owe my Heart to Poetry


There are times when my heart was bleeding 

I never knew where to find my peace 

I felt like I wasn’t seen 

I felt like I could barely breathe 

The way people saw me like I wasn’t even there 

Like the words I spoke didn’t matter 

Misplaced breath 

Misplaced air 

People said things that were a waste 

He said, she said was never important to me 

I was always quiet 

Always listening 

Waiting to find words holding a bit of meaning

I found my cross within poetry

My guiding light 

My hopeful verse 

There is freedom in the truth of it

Words sparking hope within my soul

They became my preacher

Showed me where I was always meant to go

I was once lost with no place for me

I once thought no one could understand my dreams 

But this poetry saved my life

The people shouting into a void 

Found my ears 

Gave me my life

I finally have my solidarity

People who understand my words 

Who celebrate me for me

Poets are preachers to my very soul 

They gave me a purpose 

I am no longer invisible


Thank you all for reading. I hope you enjoyed this poem. Let me know your thoughts, I would love to hear what you all think. 

-Till next time! 

Under PressureĀ 


Stress, anxiety, too much popping up 

Got things to do no time to do them

I’m feeling down when I should be feeling up

It’s good to dream 

It’s good to hope

The best things come with time 

But in sharing dreams 

In sharing in possibilities 

Sometimes the heat builds up 

And don’t you know 

That too much pressure 

Causes the best of things to explode? 

The physical pain 

Of being stretched out 

Is killing me 

Shutting me down 

I need to slow 

To let things be 

I need to give time to figure things out

Things are good yet ohh so strange

The wanting is the worst part 

If things just were 

And anxiety left 

This pressure would cease to exist

But it’s here and weighing down 

Making my lungs burn 

I need to take steps 

One after the other 

Maybe after slow release 

I can rest 

With a new year comes new pressures and it’s easy to let things pile up. It’s easy to feel down even when your doing well, especially when there’s that one extra thing you could strive for. That one relentless want. It’s hard to be calm in a society that is constantly go go go, but we all need some time to breathe. We all need time to let our minds heal. Thank you for reading, let me know your thoughts in the comments below! 

Till next time!

New Year’s Resolutions 2017


There is always room for improving our lives and I hope that in 2017 I continue to grow positively as an individual. 2016 came and went in a flash and it is now time for some new beginnings in this brand new year. 

My Goals for 2017: 

Reading: 

In 2016 I read over 50 books and I am really proud of that accomplishment. However, there are so many books out there just waiting to be devoured so I hope to read at least 60 books in 2017! Keeping in mind college and other goals I think that reading a few extra books is reasonable and obtainable. Let’s see how it goes. 

Reading diverse books has become more and more a priority in my life and I hope to be reading more diverse books in 2017. (I mostly get my books from thrift stores/giveaways so let’s see how lucky I get with some diverse reads) *fingers crossed* 

Blogging:

Short and sweet, I hope to continue to blog as much as I can every day, if possible. So far blogging has become a happy part of my daily routine and I hope to keep it up for 2017, which will be my first official blogging year! 

Side note: 

It hasn’t even been three complete months since I started this blog and I have obtained over 150 followers and ended 2016 with over 1,000 views. That is insanity! Thank you to all of you that are reading this. Your support for my thoughts and musings make me so happy. I can’t tell you how much appreciation for you all I hold in my heart. This blog has given me so much confidence, hope, and a sense of true strength and pride in my life that is quickly changing my self-image. I have so much hope for doing great things here in the future. This has definitely been the highlight of my year in 2016. Thank you!

Writing: 

I am so lazy when it comes to writing the books swimming inside my mind and that needs to change. I vow to finish a first draft of Mimpi (a book that is so far an idea I can’t wait to flesh out) and do some editing and extra chapters for my novel that is mostly completed Confessions of A Teenage Writer which you can check out on Wattpad here.

If all goes well, I also hope to either complete my novel Dark Amnesia (my failed NaNoWriMo project …sigh… I got 15,000 words completed though šŸ˜Š) or work on my other novel idea Cursed a retelling that has my heart soaring. 

However, I’m not just going to have these New Years writing hopes up and not completing them. I need an actual plan of action to stick with daily or I will not complete it. So, I have to write for at least 1 hour every day (unless I’m really sick or swamped with homework or something really exciting is happening taking up time… can’t be too hard on myself… life happens) and I must stick with it or else punishment! What punishment? I don’t know, yet.. leave your ideas in the comments below! 

Poetry: 

I love poetry. I love to read it and I love to write it. I simply wish to read more poetry and write more poetry in 2017. When I get the poetic vibes, I will promise myself to write and post a poem here on the blog even if it’s a second blog post that day. I can never get enough poetry!

College: 

I hope to get straight A’s for my next semester in college. I am a Professional Writing major at Woodbury University and I did well my first semester, all A’s and B’s, but I want to push myself a bit further and try to get all A’s if I can. Writing is my passion and I should be doing more to learn all I can about the field, utilizing all I can at college, to continue to evolve in the field I love. 

Exercise: 

I hate to exercise, but I need to do it to get healthy again. I do not want to live the rest of my life sedentary. I do not want to live the rest of my life stiff and uncomfortable. So, exercise needs to be a priority. I promise to myself to exercise at least once a week (it really should be daily, but baby steps). I hopefully will be doing a mixture of cardio and yoga (I have no flexibility and at 18 that needs to change). This goal needs to be completed for the sake of being a healthier and happier me. 

Snacking 

I have a major problem with snacking too often with very unhealthy foods. With the aim to be healthier inside and out I hope to reduce the amount of times I snack during the day and to eat healthier foods like mixed nuts/fruits and vegetables, instead of chocolates and bread (I eat way too much bread). This is another goal that needs to happen before I go down a path in my life that I do not wish to go on. 

Events: 

I want to see and do more things this year. I want to go to author events, see a concert, go to the circus, watch a play, visit the Queen Mary (during Holloween or Christmas), I want to visit little corners of my local area that I have heard about but haven’t seen. I want to become a mini explorer! It would be so cool to see more of the culture and uniqueness of my local area that I haven’t gone to because I never made it a point to do so. Not this year! Wonder and excitement is something that I both need and want to have in my life. 

Little things: 

I hope to do little things for my family and those around me to make each day a little bit easier and brighter for those I love. No mater if it’s washing dishes without being asked, or just being there to listen to someone who needs to be heard, I want to be someone who is supportive to those around me. 

General Positivity!

I hope to keep the meantality of seeing the brighter parts of life and to fight to decrease the darker parts. I hope to never be complacent and to spread hope and peace whenever I can. I hope to be kind and compassionate to everyone (you never know how the other half lives). I hope to decrease quick judgements and to see the good and the bad as part of being human. I hope to go with the flow and not get upset and angry when things don’t go the way I hope. As is said, when one door closes another one opens. I hope to never loose sight of the person that I wish to be and to continue to work towards being a better person all around. I also hope to stay honest, even when it’s hard to be sometimes. I want to do more to help create a more compassionate world, but in order to do this I must start with who I am. 
I am so grateful for all the good and bad that has transpired in my life. Celebrating every small victory and the hope of doing some good to make a better 2017! Thank you for reading. What are your New Years resolutions? What are your hopes and dreams for yourself in 2017?

-Till next time!

I Read to be Shaken Up


I feel as though I have been enlightened to a truth about myself that I hadn’t ever thought about, but feels so right. I have thought about why I read before and I thought I had answers, but nothing encompasses my reason why more than the quote above from Jennifer Donnelly’s “A Northern Light” 

What I live for in books is to be shaken up. To see the truth of things. To live in the life of someone different. To understand another’s perspective, but also for the enjoyment and contentment the fantasy and the reality combined. 

The books I carry with the deepest of affections in my heart carry important truths. They have shown me what fractions of the world is like (I say fractions because the world is larger and more maltifaucted then I ever could understand). They have inspired me to think. 

I am only half way through “A Northern Light” and it has shaken me up. These words have reminded me why I love “Tess of the D’Ubervilles” by Thomas Hardy,  a true tragedy I love for how it makes me feel. It shook me. It gave me so much hope and so much dispare and the feelings felt so raw and true. 

“A Northern Light” has made me fall even more in love with books, reading, and writing. I didn’t think that was possible! It has reminded me of why I feel so much joy at reading a book that makes me feel, well, any emotion really. If a book plays me like a fiddle and inspires terror, hope, sadness, joy, wonder, loneliness, sorrow, peace, or even anger, I will probably defend that book to the dear and say how much love I have for it because it shook me and made me feel, because it made me fall in love with the character, the world, and the well-being of those who do not exist and that for me is what is so powerful and amazing about books. 

Books have changed my life. They have opened up my mind and heart to so many different people and ideas and understanding just by not being afraid to be written as they are, full of truths, the worlds truths, the individual persons truths. I read because it reminds me that the person sitting next to me has their own life, and dreams, and sorrow, and hope. Every human being has their own book in life, and everyone deserves to have it written, should they want it, to be understood, if they wish for it. 

I read because it makes me feel connected to others on a visceral level. It has inspired in me more compassion and want to do good than any other thing in my life ever has. Books have helped me see who I am by igniting a fire in me for words, for people, and for humanity. 

I realize now that because of books and authors and being shaken, I can never be as I was before I had books. I wouldn’t regonize a me without books, because I don’t think there is a way that I could have grown as much without them. I wouldn’t care as much as I do, and life would feel grey without it. 

I believe with all my heart that words are a beautiful power. A power that changes those who allow it to touch their hearts and to be understood. 

-Till next time.

Coffee Stains


Coffee stains 

Night reigns 

No time for love 

Talking into a void 

Trying to be someone 

Taking on too much 

Crying, feeling, I’m just not enough

Just moving forward 

Trying to catch those shiny lights 

Forgetting what made me 

Forgetting what’s right 

Then it happened 

It all went all askew 

What I wanted

Didn’t happen 

I don’t derserve anything new 

Yet something changed 

I remembered family 

I remembered laughter and love 

I danced for my own pleasure 

I gave out all my love

I started anew 

I changed who I am

I became someone who takes courage and strives for truth

I found love in my heart 

I choose passion instead of tiny pieces of sand 

Because what truly matters 

Is not the amount 

But the hope and the realization of passion-filled dreams
Follow your heart, your passions, your dreams. Let happiness be your guide. For joy is the root of all good in life. 

-Till next time!

In Love With A FairytaleĀ 


All my life I have had the eyes of a believer 

Dragons, Santa Claus, Fairys, and Nymphs 

I believed so strongly though the proof was never seen

I hoped that all the stories were true 

That the world had magic 

That what I felt in my heart was real

The one thing I believed, believe in most 

Is that love, true love, could conquer all 

I wished with all my heart for someone to hold me close 

But that is a fairytale as much as the magic I believed in once

But I can’t help but be in love

With the idea of something……. More 

What if there was a veil that fractured reality and belief?

What if vampires existed and elves and Griffens?

What if they are there lurking and hidden?

Are our stories just simply made up?

Or is there such a thing a true everlasting love? 

As a kid I believed with all my heart

But what if that little girl was right? 

What if what she believed was closer to what is real?

What if growing up steals away the true wisdom children have… 

That our beliefs are not so wrong 

That what we hope for would come to pass
What is the truth of our world? Is a fairytale truly just a tale? What if there are things out there we once believed in that are actually real?

-Till next time!

 

Dream a Little Dream of Me


Smoke and mirrors 

Designed to stray the eye 

That’s not who you are 

Your the honest kind of guy 

Your strong your true 

I wish I’d realized before 

Because now your with her 

I made my mistake 

I’m knocking on a locked door 

But all I ask 

Is the smallest of requests 

Would you kindly please 

Dream a little dream of me 

Dream of a time where I was good 

Where I didn’t knock you down 

When I didn’t question your intentions 

When I didn’t ask for any more 

You are the perfect guy

Your mistakes were built from good ideals 

I am sorry that I had to go away 

To see that you were true 

I couldn’t understand 

How a guy like you 

Could truly mean the things you whispered 

Could love a girl and no other 

Could be so good 

The disception was my creation 

A figment of my mind 

Now your gone and all I hope for 

Is for you to Dream 

To Dream a sweet little dream of me 
Good night, sweet dreams, the story of my own romantic and tired mind. 

-Till next time!

Words on the MindĀ 


I don’t quite understand 

How we got from there to here 

We used to speak all the time 

Yet now neither of us say anything at all

But that’s ok I’m here your there 

Time is the test of all 

I still have our stories 

Locked deep inside my soul

Words we shared 

Smiles and laughs 

They pass every so often in my dreams 

A great mark in my memory

A part of what makes me, me 

I wonder if our words flicker in your mind too?

Do you ever think of the two of us? 

Am I a part of who you are? 

As our time changed me so long ago

Maybe it doesn’t matter to you

Those words and time we shared 

But I hope at least you smile too 

When your reminded of secrets together 

Your words are on my mind 

Hidden in my heart 

Sometimes I wish you were still here 

Sometimes I wish we were never apart

Thanks for reading! For some reason the song ‘You were always on my mind’ popped into my head and inspired this poem. I hoped you enjoyed it! šŸ™‚

-Till next time!

Winter DreamsĀ 


Fluffy white icicles. 

A warm little fire. 

The glow of a Christmas tree, 

The gift of mystery underneath. 

Smiles, laughter, sweet voices singing. 

The joy of hearing sleigh bells ringing. 

These dreams I have of winters days. 

Giving food to one who needs it most. 

A hug to those you love. 

Caroling on neighbors chilly lawns. 

Lights strung on every corner. 

Eggnog shared with friends. 

Looking out to see not a single phone in sight. 

It’s  when the present is sweeter than the past you’ve left behind. 

These are the dreams I have on winter nights. 

But the truth is not always pretty. 

Souls still live on chilly streets. 

Family arguments that hurt hearts and minds. 

Strangers judge you for a tree put up thanksgiving day. 

Merry Christmas is no more, it’s simply Happy Holiday’s. 

This is the truth I face on winter days. 

When I sleep. I see sweet dreams. Joy and love for all, on winter days.