Let’s Rant: Our Bodies, Not Yours

I got up this morning. Read some blog posts. Ate some waffles. Felt pretty generally happy. Then.. then I went on Twitter and I saw this tweet from Annie-Marie McLemore. An author whose books I’ve desperately wanted to read for ages now and her tweet made my skin grow cold.

Her words.. that’s a reality for almost every girl out there. You talk to any girl and they have stories like this. Even me.

But, what really made me upset was not only her age, but the audacity of the teacher to tell her “Well what did you do to make him do that?” That made my blood boil. It’s an absolutely disgusting mentality to have. She was a child.. and your giving her that mentality that it’s her fault that a guy got the idea in his head to lay claim on her body. That it was ok. It makes me want to scream.

Victim shaming is the single most awful thing I have ever seen. Because sometimes.. sometimes the victim does start to believe it was their fault. When it isn’t. The answer to that awful question is always nothing. No girl ever asks to be touched like that. The only time that any sexual activity is ok is when there is mutual consent. That’s it. No touchy.. feely.. nothing unless it’s what both parties want. I don’t care if a girl decides that she wants to wear the shortest mini-skirt and just a bra to go out.. it does not give a guy permission to feel her up.

The whole “what did you do?” Mentality just gives men a free pass to do whatever the hell they want and not get punished for it. That shit is just that complete and utter bull shit and everyone needs to cut the crap. As much as the “what did you do” mentality suggests that men are animals… they are not. They have brains. They can have self-control. They are not controlled solely by the thing in their pants. They can keep their hands to themselves and show some respect. It’s all a stupid game. It’s this mentality that so many people wear as armor so that they can fool people into thinking that it wasn’t their fault. That they couldn’t help themselves. That they couldn’t register the girl saying no. That somehow the actions that they took with their own hands wasn’t their fault.

I thought I was done with the personal posts for a while, but as it turns out I’m just getting started.

I didn’t think I’d ever share this on here, but I’m fed up and these stories need to be shared.

I have a few stories actually.

The first wasn’t that long ago. Several months ago their was a boy that I worked with. We used to talk about music and whatever else and I saw him as a friend. He was one of those people who liked to give hugs and at first I didn’t think much of it. However, I started to notice that he’d give these side hugs where his arm would go around my chest and then one night I was bagging up food to go into the display and he was leaving and he thought it was a good idea to hug me from behind placing his hands by where my ovaries are. I immediately felt this rush of panic and anger. It didn’t matter that it was quick. It didn’t matter that we’d talked and were sort of friends. Touching me like that.. so intimately.. I was livid. Before he left I yelled at him, “That was the most uncomfortable hug I’ve ever had… don’t ever ever do that again I said… don’t ever think of doing that to any girl ever.. It’s not ok… I don’t know how you could have thought that that was ok.”

He had the sense to back off.. he apologized profusely, but I had my personal space violated. A hug like that is one I want from my boyfriend and from my boyfriend only. It’s a kind of hug that signifies trust and love and intimacy. None of which I had with that guy at my work.. not even close. It wasn’t just me though. He hugged the other girl we both worked with the same way. It’s not ok.

The other.. much longer.. story is this:

In high school there was a boy I was nice to. He wasn’t liked by very many people and when we would pass in the hallway I thought it was a grand idea to be nice and say hi. I would chat with him and treat him like a person and I didn’t realize that it would make him think I wanted anything other then friendship and I was wrong. During summer of sophomore year I took pre-cal at a university so that I could be ahead and take more advanced classes at school. Apparently, this was the same university where this guys sister was taking classes. One day, he showed up hours before pick up and found me where I was eating lunch. I didn’t think much of it at the time since it was simply a surprise to me and I didn’t have anything against him. I had thought of him as a friend. So when he asked me for my number I gave it to him. Except.. every single day after that he’d show up early hours before pick up trying to catch me on my break. So instead of confronting him like I should have I stayed in class to eat lunch. When he called asking to hang out I told him that my mom wouldn’t like it (I should have just told him I didn’t want to). For the next several weeks of an intensive pre-cal class I would eat inside.. run the fastest route to where my mom would wait for me in her car and I blocked the guys number. To this day I don’t understand how he didn’t get the hint. When we were at school again he’d ask me to give him a hug and I’d brush him off and go in a different direction. In truth.. the whole thing terrified me. I lived my life in school finding ways to always be absent from wherever he was. The thing is I was at work yesterday and I saw that very same guy pass by and it filled me with the same dread as I had in school. The thing is.. a lot of people weren’t nice to him, because everyone could tell that he was mentally off. But being me.. knowing what it felt like not to have any friends it was always important to be nice. I didn’t expect for it to end up getting me a stalker. To this day I get all in my head and even though I know I could defend myself if I absolutely had to.. it’s the wonder of not knowing what someone is capable of. I’m not in the business of underestimating someone because I could physically take them on… or because they look harmless.. in this world of knifes and guns and awful situations I can’t help but feel afraid sometimes. I hate that this guy can make me feel that way. That just one look at his face filled me with dread. It’s not even a violation of the sexual kind, but a violation on my ability to live my life freely.. of not feeling like I have to be afraid. Of wondering if someone’s going to do something.. of having spent a lot of time being scarce so that none of those things had even a remote chance of happening.

Then there are the smaller stories.. guys asking me if I wanted a bite of the food they just bought at my work (that’s happened several times and it’s the weirdest thing ever). A guy who called me babe out of no where also while I was serving him food at work. I hate being called babe or baby anyway (my grandmother used to call me by them). Being called babe within a minute of someone looking at you feels so degrading. The guy that saw me walking to work and decided to walk next to me and complemented my eyes and when I finally was inside the safety of my work he stood there for a few seconds staring at me and said that he just wanted to stare at my eyes for a while. All this.. it makes me feel like I can’t be seen as a person. That all a guy can see is my face, my eyes, and take any smile as an invitation. It isn’t.

Sometimes I get it. Two people have to meet somehow, but there are boundaries. A lot of the time those boundaries are crossed. It’s why it’s so important to me that I’m liked as a person first before anything more. That I’m respected. That if I say no I’m respected. That I can trust the person I choose to love. That I feel safe with them. There have been far too many times where others have made me feel the opposite.

One of the most powerful words I’ve heard someone say went something like this “most of the women I know have stories like these.. most of the men I know are good men.. but for every time a pass is made in a dining room 5 of the women in that same room could raise their hand and say me too.” The men that end up thinking that they can touch a women as much as they want tend to be repeat offenders. Most men are good men, but for the ones that take things many steps too far they hurt more the just one women. They touch multiple lives. Taint multiple lives. That’s a big part of why that tweet made me so upset. That boy who touched Annie.. how many more girls would he grow up to touch? What would he escalate to? Especially when he was taught at such a young age that he wouldn’t be punished for it.

Our bodies are our own. They are not meant for anyone, but ourselves. To be shared only with whom we choose to share it with. Our bodies are not meant to be claimed like that’s all we are good for. What we choose to do with our bodies is our choice and our choice alone. To have that taken away from us is a violation of basic human rights.

Thanks for reading! I would love to hear your thoughts down in the comments… I meant to put together my Most Anticipated post today, but this came about instead. I’m kinda glad though. It’s an important subject to me. I think we all should be able to speak up about these things.

-Till next time!

Feminism, Manosphere, and All the Diverse Feels: Let’s Talk The Nowhere Girls: A Review

The Nowhere Girls by Amy Reed

My Rating: All the stars in the sky! I LOVE THIS BOOK!!!!

Publisher: Simon and Schuster Children’s Publishing

Publish Date: October 10th, 2017

Received: Netgalley provided an e-arc in exchange for an honest review

Purchase: Amazon


Three misfits come together to avenge the rape of a fellow classmate and in the process trigger a change in the misogynist culture at their high school transforming the lives of everyone around them in this searing and timely story.

Who are the Nowhere Girls?

They’re everygirl. But they start with just three:

Grace Salter is the new girl in town, whose family was run out of their former community after her southern Baptist preacher mom turned into a radical liberal after falling off a horse and bumping her head.

Rosina Suarez is the queer punk girl in a conservative Mexican immigrant family, who dreams of a life playing music instead of babysitting her gaggle of cousins and waitressing at her uncle’s restaurant.

Erin Delillo is obsessed with two things: marine biology and Star Trek: The Next Generation, but they aren’t enough to distract her from her suspicion that she may in fact be an android.

When Grace learns that Lucy Moynihan, the former occupant of her new home, was run out of town for having accused the popular guys at school of gang rape, she’s incensed that Lucy never had justice. For their own personal reasons, Rosina and Erin feel equally deeply about Lucy’s tragedy, so they form an anonymous group of girls at Prescott High to resist the sexist culture at their school, which includes boycotting sex of any kind with the male students.

Told in alternating perspectives, this groundbreaking novel is an indictment of rape culture and explores with bold honesty the deepest questions about teen girls and sexuality.

Chosen Opening Quote: “You save yourself or you remain unsaved.” -Alice Sebold, Lucky


The very first chapter gave me chills and I knew then that this book would change something deep inside of me and it did, it really did. The Nowhere Girls are the epitome of modern feminism. They are girls who dream and girls who work day in and day out. They are girls who just want a bite of pizza and girls who are discovering themselves. The Nowhere Girls are every girl. You (guys too 🙂 ) and me and everyone who believes in woman and who they are at there core.

This book is about acceptance beyond gender identity, color of skin, equal orientation, political association, or disability. Because we all should cheer each other on despite any stigma that parts of what we are could have. We are more then our parts. We all live and hope and dream of better lives. We all want a world thats better so why not start with ourselves by accepting those around us and making change when it is in our power to do so.

As much as I loved this book for its beautiful diversity and strong and real female characters I loved it even more for the anger it awakened in me. It was an anger that made me want to go out and actually take action for the things that I believe in and that was one of the biggest gifts that a book could give me.

Let’s talk about the root of my anger: sexism and manosphere. Manosphere is something I wasn’t aware of as being a real and prevalent thing on the internet, but now that I am aware I am filled with complete and utter hatred for it and all that it stands for. Manosphere is basically a blog where a man writes about woman and how to get into her pants among other undesirable concepts. It makes my skin crawl to think that there are a lot of men out there that subscribe to manosphere and its ideals and actually believe what is being said is right. Manosphere is degrading towards women, in feminist, and downright appalling and I am not ok with its existence. The way women are degrading to less then objects on these sites makes me want to puke and after reading some of their posts on my own out of pure curiosity I found myself hating that as time moves forward and we all try to change there are till many out there that want to keep woman as playthings worthless except for their bodies and the pleasure they can provide and I can’t stand the thought of it.

What makes this book really special for me though is how the power of its message is conveyed through lyrical and at times poetic prose with unflinching truths that literally gave me goosebumps. This novel is GORGEOUSLY written and it made me want to rave and cheer and cry all at once. Grace, Erin, and Rosina are my personal heroes. There nonstop hope and pride for themselves made this story evolve into something I couldn’t stop reading. This book has definitely made my top favorites of 2017 and I am so happy to have read it.

Thanks for reading! Please read this amazing and incredible novel. It does have themes of rape, extreme sexist thinking, and all around hard things to think about, but it is also beautiful and will call out to something inside you that you never before realized you needed to heal.

-Till next time!

Here We Are: Feminism For The Real World: A Review 

Here We Are Feminism For The Real World edited by Kelly Jensen

My Rating: 5 Feminist Stars! 

Publisher: Algonquin Young Readers

Published: January 24, 2017

Recieved: A personalized signed copy from the editor Kelly Jensen via a Giveaway. 

Purchase: Amazon / Barnes & Noble / Book Depository

Have you ever wanted to be a superheroine? Join a fandom? Create the perfect empowering playlist? Understand exactly what it means to be a feminist in the twenty-first century? You’ve come to the right place. 
Forty-four writers, dancers, actors, and artists contribute essays, lists, poems, comics, and illustrations about everything from body positivity to romance to gender identity to intersectionality to the greatest girl friendships in fiction. Together, they share diverse perspectives on and insights into what feminism means and what it looks like. Come on in, turn the pages, and be inspired to find your own path to feminism by the awesome individuals in Here We Are. 
Welcome to one of the most life-changing parties around!


Wow was this a powerful book. Some of it was affirming the beliefs I already had. However, all of them were stories that had an affect on my heart. Yet there were a select few that moved me to tears and outrage and those were the ones that changed me. 

The first essay to make me cry was The Big Blue Ocean and My Big Fat Body by Angie ManFredi (who is now my new hero). It brought to mind my most deep seated insicurity the size of my body and smashed everything I had thought to be true about it. Angie’s message was incredibly positive yet I felt myself go through a shock as I read her words. Basically she goes on to say that she spent so much time in her life to get to a point where she realized that fat is a word that was neither good nor bad but simply described how her body was made. She has a lot of fat on her body so when she describes herself she uses that word because as ugly as society has made that word for her it is simply a state of being. Instead of being ugly fat becomes neutral even normal striped away of all negative connotations and the change in how the word is seen is how she learned to be comfortable in her own skin. I am not comfortable in my own skin. I’m 5’6 and around 156 pounds and while I’m not terribly large there are times where I look at myself in the mirror and I am disgusted. This essay made me cry because as much as I don’t like to think about how negatively I see myself I know that I need to work to see myself in a better life. To look at my generous behind and my not so flat stomach and say I am confident and beautiful because I am me. I define who I am and how I choose to see myself. I may have fat, but that fat is neither good nor bad but just is. If I want to feel beautiful then I must believe I am beautiful now and love the body that has carried me through my 18 years (the same body that will carry me through the rest of my life) to love that body and take care of it. Through all this thought I sobbed, because I haven’t been good to my body and because I have thought so negitively about my life and for all the pain I’ve caused myself through the years and all the times I’ve tried something on I thought was pretty and looked myself in the mirror and thought that it could never look pretty on me. I cried and new armor formed from those tears. 

I was outraged when I learned about a practice in some countries and cultures called FGM or Female Genital Mutliation. Where a female is mutilated so she could never feel pleasure during sex (sentencing the woman to a lifetime of painful sex) to be seen as more attractive and “pure” to a future husband. I had no idea that this was a thing and I am deeply hurt by it. I can’t imagine what that must be like. To be made into an instrument for a man to strum while you are in pain all the while with no remorse. This is a torture that breaks my heart. 

Then there was a piece by a Muslim women who said that she could never be seen as a feminist (although she considered herself a feminist) because of her culture and her hijab. It was at her words I was crying again, because it pointed out the flaws of a movement meant to raise up equality no matter who you are or what you believe and this women is cast out because her religion makes it so she could never be accepted as a “true feminist” and then I was angry crying again. 

So here and now I will declare myself feminist. A feminist who accepts everyone as equal regardless of color of skin, belief, sexuality, gender, or any other bias society creates. All people were created to be equal and all deserve equal rights. As an intersectional feminist I believe that all our fights are valid and that we must be aware of how we act and how we choose to raise up some people but shame others. To be aware to create change and to fight the dam good fight. 

Thank you all for reading! I hope you enjoyed this review! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments. I hope for all of you to read this book and to continue fighting for your beliefs. 

-Till next time! 

A Day Without A Woman: Strong Woman Authors

Today is a day for solidarity. To celebrate who we are and beauty of our strength, and so today I want to celebrate a few of the strongest women authors that have used there voice in support of their beliefs. 

Feminist to the Bone Woman Authors: 

Victoria Aveyard

I can’t say how much I admire and look up to Victoria Aveyard. She is unapologeticly who she is. The strength in which she stands against injustice makes me love her. She is not only an amazing author, but an all around amazing human being 

Sophia Amoruso

Author of #GirlBoss, Sophia is one of the most vocal voices for the rights of women and what it is to be feminist today. I love her style and the way she uniquely vocalizes her beliefs. She is an inspiration for all. 

Amanda Lovelace 

The poet behind The princess saves herself in this one Amanda has been advocating for being the best woman you could be for a very long time. I haven’t yet read her book, but the few poems I have seen around of hers have been calling my name. Short and sweet her poems have created a huge impact on woman everywhere. 

J.k. Rowling 

This list could never be complete without including the wizard queen, J.K. Rowling. She is not only one of the most amazing writers out there, but she is also one that uses her voice to empower women everywhere. The story of how she came to be published is such an inspiration to me. Her voice is one that stricks the hearts of millions. 

Leigh Bardugo

I may not have read anything from Leigh yet, but I really and truly want to. The voice she has on twitter makes me smile. She is so supportive of fellow women and her efforts make me so happy to see. Soon I will read from her, I promise myself that. 

Angie Thomas 

The lovely Angie Thomas! Her advocation for all rights is so admirable to me. The Hate U Give is a book I can’t wait to get my hands on. She is a writer that is a part of a huge movement in the Bookish community, the movement for more diversity. 
Jenny Han

Jenny Han is such a beautiful writer. She supports feminism yet does in her own gorgeous style and I love that about her. She has such a no nonsense aura about her and in a way that’s something I love. She truly is feminine and strong. 

Marie Lu

Known for some strong female characters Marie Lu has connected young women with her characters and has inspired them to believe in their selves and who they are. Another amazing voice for women everywhere. 
Rupi Kaur

Last, but not least we have Rupi who’s poetry book Milk and Honey took the hearts of women and put it on a silver platter. Her raw emotions have encapsulated the growing trend of feminism and breaking the mold. Her story of rape and hardship breaks hearts yet sets a fire beneath the feet of the masses to advocate for change. 
Thank you all for reading! I hope you enjoyed my tribute to the day. I didn’t post this till midnight because I wanted to do my own little rebellion of support for A Day Without a Woman. I hope you enjoyed this post! Let me know your thoughts in the comments. 

-Till next time!

Feminist Books I want to Read 

I love diversity and I love to celebrate feminism in whatever form that takes. I had honestly never heard of feminist literature before I started blogging and now I really want to to get more into it and so here is my list of feminist books I want to read!

We Should All Be Feminist by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie 

Purchase: Book Depository

What does “feminism” mean today? That is the question at the heart of We Should All Be Feminists, a personal, eloquently-argued essay—adapted from her much-viewed Tedx talk of the same name—by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, the award-winning author of Americanah and Half of a Yellow Sun. With humor and levity, here Adichie offers readers a unique definition of feminism for the twenty-first century—one rooted in inclusion and awareness. She shines a light not only on blatant discrimination, but also the more insidious, institutional behaviors that marginalize women around the world, in order to help readers of all walks of life better understand the often masked realities of sexual politics. Throughout, she draws extensively on her own experiences—in the U.S., in her native Nigeria, and abroad—offering an artfully nuanced explanation of why the gender divide is harmful for women and men, alike. Argued in the same observant, witty and clever prose that has made Adichie a bestselling novelist, here is one remarkable author’s exploration of what it means to be a woman today—and an of-the-moment rallying cry for why we should all be feminists.

We should all be feminists is a book that I have seen all over the place amount the blogging community and it is one of the books that I most look forward to reading. 
How to Build a Girl by Caitlin Moran

Purchase: Book Depository

What do you do in your teenage years when you realise what your parents taught you wasn’t enough? You must go out and find books and poetry and pop songs and bad heroes – and build yourself. It’s 1990. Johanna Morrigan, 14, has shamed herself so badly on local TV that she decides that there’s no point in being Johanna anymore and reinvents herself as Dolly Wilde – fast-talking, hard-drinking Gothic hero and full-time Lady Sex Adventurer! She will save her poverty stricken Bohemian family by becoming a writer – like Jo in Little Women, or the Brontes – but without the dying young bit. By 16, she’s smoking cigarettes, getting drunk and working for a music paper. She’s writing pornographic letters to rock-stars, having all the kinds of sex with all the kinds of men, and eviscerating bands in reviews of 600 words or less. But what happens when Johanna realises she’s built Dolly with a fatal flaw? Is a box full of records, a wall full of posters and a head full of paperbacks, enough to build a girl after all? Imagine The Bell Jar written by Rizzo from Grease, with a soundtrack by Hole, Happy Mondays and My Bloody Valentine. As beautiful as it is funny, How To Build a Girl is a coming-of-age novel that makes you realise how odd it is that all the previous ones have been about boys.

This one seems so different to me in a way. All my life I’ve been told that I have to act a certain way and be a certain way and this novel seems to be about someone who breaks all those rules. 
How to be a Woman by Caitlin Moran

Purchase: Book Depository

The New York Times bestseller, now available in paperback–“Half memoir, half polemic, and entirely necessary,” (Elle UK) Caitlin Moran’s debut–an instant runaway bestseller in the UK–puts a new face on feminism, cutting to the heart of issues with an irreverent, transcendent, and hilarious touch. “Caitlin Moran is the profane, witty and wonky best friend I wish I had. She’s the feminist rock star we need right now.”–Ayelet Waldman, author of Bad Mother “Caitlin Moran is so fabulous, so funny, so freshly feminist. I don’t want to be like her–I want to be her.” –Peggy Orenstein, author of Cinderella Ate My Daughter Caitlin Moran puts a new face on feminism, cutting to the heart of women’s issues today with her irreverent, transcendent, and hilarious How to Be a Woman. “Half memoir, half polemic, and entirely necessary,” (Elle UK), Moran’s debut was an instant runaway bestseller in England as well as an Amazon UK Top Ten book of the year; still riding high on bestseller lists months after publication, it is a bona fide cultural phenomenon. Now poised to take American womanhood by storm, here is a book that Vanity Fair calls “the U.K. version of Tina Fey’s Bossypants….You will laugh out loud, wince, and–in my case–feel proud to be the same gender as the author.”

How to be a Woman has the same author as How to Build a Girl and I think this one goes more in depth into feminist issues. I feel I would have to read one and then the other as a duo to get a full feel for her voice and to truly understand how she views feminism. 
The Secret History of Wonder Woman by Jill Lenore

Purchase: Book Depository

A riveting work of historical detection revealing that the origin of one of the world’s most iconic superheroes hides within it a fascinating family story—and a crucial history of twentieth-century feminism
Wonder Woman, created in 1941, is the most popular female superhero of all time. Aside from Superman and Batman, no superhero has lasted as long or commanded so vast and wildly passionate a following. Like every other superhero, Wonder Woman has a secret identity. Unlike every other superhero, she has also has a secret history.
Harvard historian and New Yorker staff writer Jill Lepore has uncovered an astonishing trove of documents, including the never-before-seen private papers of William Moulton Marston, Wonder Woman’s creator. Beginning in his undergraduate years at Harvard, Marston was influenced by early suffragists and feminists, starting with Emmeline Pankhurst, who was banned from speaking on campus in 1911, when Marston was a freshman. In the 1920s, Marston and his wife, Sadie Elizabeth Holloway, brought into their home Olive Byrne, the niece of Margaret Sanger, one of the most influential feminists of the twentieth century. The Marston family story is a tale of drama, intrigue, and irony. In the 1930s, Marston and Byrne wrote a regular column for Family Circle celebrating conventional family life, even as they themselves pursued lives of extraordinary nonconformity. Marston, internationally known as an expert on truth—he invented the lie detector test—lived a life of secrets, only to spill them on the pages of Wonder Woman.
The Secret History of Wonder Woman is a tour de force of intellectual and cultural history. Wonder Woman, Lepore argues, is the missing link in the history of the struggle for women’s rights—a chain of events that begins with the women’s suffrage campaigns of the early 1900s and ends with the troubled place of feminism a century later.

This book just speaks to me at the core of my heart. I love Wonder Woman and I would love to learn more about her origin. This book is right down my alley. 
Bad Feminist by Roxane Gay

Purchase: Book Depository

A collection of essays spanning politics, criticism, and feminism from one of the most-watched young cultural observers of her generation, Roxane Gay.
“Pink is my favorite color. I used to say my favorite color was black to be cool, but it is pink—all shades of pink. If I have an accessory, it is probably pink. I read Vogue, and I’m not doing it ironically, though it might seem that way. I once live-tweeted the September issue.”
In these funny and insightful essays, Roxane Gay takes us through the journey of her evolution as a woman (Sweet Valley High) of color (The Help) while also taking readers on a ride through culture of the last few years (Girls, Django in Chains) and commenting on the state of feminism today (abortion, Chris Brown). The portrait that emerges is not only one of an incredibly insightful woman continually growing to understand herself and our society, but also one of our culture.
Bad Feminist is a sharp, funny, and spot-on look at the ways in which the culture we consume becomes who we are, and an inspiring call-to-arms of all the ways we still need to do better.

This is a book that I feel like I need. I haven’t ever read a book of essays, but if I was ever going to start with one it would be this one. This book feels all around like it would be so empowering. I think out of all of the books listed here this would be the one I would start with. 
Thank you all for reading!  I hope you enjoyed this post. Feminism is something that should continually be talked about and I’m glad to see so many lovely feminist books exist. As always, let me know your thoughts in the comments. 

-Till next time!