Sorta My Goals for 2021

What I want for 2021 has very little to do with any sort of thing I want to obtain or do in the tangible accomplishment kind of way. More in a mental change kind of way.

2020 felt like a building up of a lot of things to be fearful and anxious of. I want to instead use that as a reason to turn into myself and panic to start turning outward and enjoy the things I have in my life now. Loving more. Laughing more. All of course in a safe and socially distant manner. Enjoying the games I’ve come to love. Reading more again. Being happier.

I want to be one who celebrates all the good things in my life instead of complaining about what’s bad. Cause falling into despair only causes hurt and 2020 had enough of that.

My goodreads challenge this year is 1 book. I am not putting pressure on myself to do anything in particular. Just to enjoy and love more and decrease my life’s stresses.

Any goals this year I won’t be making right now. Whatever, accomplishments I make will be bonuses. This year I just want to feel like I can breath.

I hope that for all of you, your 2021 is a better year. We all deserve it.

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below! 

Places to donate to Trans communities:

Trans Equality 

The Trevor Project

Transgender Law Center 

Some BLM resources: 

Link to bail funds to donate to!

Link to petitions to sign! 

Link to a video to watch if you can’t donate!

My friend started Live Streaming so check them out HERE!! 

Check out my Instagram and Twitter! 

Check out The Book Raven Poetry website! 

Checkout The Book Raven Poetry Instagramand Twitter! 

Check out the Sisters of Twilight website.

If you love my content and wish to offer me extra support by me a Kofi on my donation page!

Advertisement

My Inviting In..

One thing I took from Y’all West is something George M Johnson said about instead of coming out you are choosing to invite others in. Sharing a special something about yourself that matters. It’s a beautiful way to think about it.

I’ve thought about doing this for a while. It’s taken time for me to figure out innerly who I am. I spent most of my life pretending to myself that I was straight and well spoilers, but I’m definitely not.

The easier part that I have mentioned slightly is that I’m Demi-sexual which means I need an emotional connection with someone before I’m attracted to them. I blame that part for me taking so long to realize this second part, but I’m also pan-sexual. Feels strange to write it out. Yet, oddly I don’t feel the need to tear up the way I did when I was talking about it with one of my friends.

I’ve called myself straight for so long that I hid my truth to the point where I couldn’t see it despite it staring me dead in the face. I can be attracted to anyone regardless of gender and yes I do love masculinity and I’m a little more attracted to masculine presenting people, but I do find femininity to be attractive as well.

I have considered myself to be an ally for a long time. Just really supportive of the community and knowing that everyone deserves to love and express themselves in a way that aligns with the truth of who they are. It took me time to discover my truth and that’s ok.

So.. I guess all this is to say “Hi! My name is Tiana Wolfe and I’m Demi/pan sexual.” It feels good to say it to read the words and know them to be true. It feels like me.

Thank you all so much for being here. For being a part of my life’s journey. For supporting me. I feel so happy to be on a community where I feel comfortable enough to be open about my truth. You all are truly something special.

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below! 

Check out my Instagram and Twitter! 

Check out The Book Raven Poetry website! 

Checkout The Book Raven Poetry Instagramand Twitter! 

Check out the Sisters of Twilight website.

My Christmas Playlist!

I love music and dancing. I love listening to good music almost more then anything else. I listen to so much music and so much variety of music that most turn up a brow when they know I’m that small percentage of people who max out the Spotify limit and makes a ginormous playlist instead of liking songs, because it doesn’t let me like them anymore because I’ve liked way too many.

This year I shared with all of you my Halloween playlist and since then that playlist has grown as my playlists always do, but that just means I have new music to share for next year!

However, this post is about my Christmas playlist! I have some classics, some new songs, but all the joyful songs of the season! I made sure that my Christmas playlist was as positive as possible. Music that makes me feel alive. Music that makes me dance and sing and feel joy. I love that having played this at my work that my coworkers and I have had some good laughs dancing along to the music and that it’s been such a good time.

This Christmas is going to be one of my favorites. I can feel that deep in my heart. It’s started off with a bang and I’m excited for all that the season will bring.

On to the music!!

Thank you all for reading! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below!

Check out my Instagram and Twitter! 

Check out The Book Raven Poetry website! 

Checkout The Book Raven Poetry Instagramand Twitter!

–Till next time!

Check out the Wolfe Creek Candle website and Instagram!

Perfection

Perfection is an ideology

Wrapped in a tight rope around our minds

We strive and strive to the standards that will always be moved one block above our heads unreachable

Let me say that again unreachable

Because the hands create the blocks and pile them up higher and higher

The video game buzzes “Ok”, “meh”, “perfect”

We climb and climb this ever growing mountain

And dig ourselves a hole of depression and anxiety piled up in our insecurity and worthlessness

We think perfection is the answer to love and all that’s holy, but the truth is we will never get there and acceptance

Well that’s the clarity

When you start to heal the expectation of being anything other then who you are

in every moment of bitterness

you cut the bindings

Suddenly your body is a masterpiece

Suddenly your happiness is within reach

Suddenly your not chasing your creating

Suddenly your not afraid of the societal definition of who you should be

Perfection is spoon fed into the mouths of all our children

Perfection is yelled into 4th grade track teams and football wannabes

Perfection is sewn into the fabric of our literal clothing

But, wouldn’t you be surprised to hear the places that make a profit from the defects

You see nothing you do is worthless

Especially not because that something was a mishap

We all make mistakes, thousands every day

So let’s stop kidding ourselves

Let’s give who we are some kindness

It’s ok. You are ok.

Let’s clean out all the madness

Peace is found in letting go of who we think we need to be

All the thoughts that cause you suffering don’t need to suffocate the joyful laughter that lives inside your ever passionate heart

Dust away those thoughts so you can create a reality of celebrating true humanity

Perfection doesn’t exist and it never did

So stop hurting

Thank you all for reading! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below! I wrote this poem on a whim like a majority of my poetry. It’s an idea I’ve been thinking about a lot. I hope you enjoyed!

Check out my Instagram and Twitter!

Check out the Wolfe Creek Candle website and Instagram!

Feeling Good!

There was a time in my life where something small could become something heart-wrenching. Where fear ruled and took control. I feel it’s reign ending and the smoke clearing. I feel peace and hope once again knocking on my door. The beginnings of a whole new world are at my doorstep. The pain is being washed away. The anxiety is being washed away. The fear is being cut loose and I am the one standing in its wake a victor. I needed the hurt to rise above it. I needed the rest to be the foundation of my awakening. I feel good. I feel powerful. I am free. What an amazing feeling it is to finally feel good as me. The best is yet to come. There is something good to find in the every moment. I am the master of me. I am the creator of my world. I can’t wait to see what comes next. I can’t wait to show the world the stardust I’m made of. I can’t wait to see what I create. It’s going to be glorious. It’s going to be a life I am proud of. It’s going to be beautiful.

Thanks for reading! This is just a little late night poem to share an awesome breakthrough I’ve had. Things can only go up from here. I hope things are going well for all of you reading. Everyone deserves to feel this good.

-Till next time!

Spending Time With Family

This blog has become very personal recently, and honestly I like it. Sharing my ups and downs and more what’s going on with me, especially when there has been a lot going on with me recently is pretty cool. Being able to remain open and honest about my anxieties, depression from events that have past, and what I’m healing mentally is really awesome! I’m very grateful to have a platform where I can be real with others.

That being said today was another nice day. It’s a day I needed. It’s also a day I think my family needed too. Myself, my mom, and my sister went to visit some relatives on my mom’s side and it was a pretty chill (also cold) and relaxing day. I may have felt tired all day, but I ate some great food, learned how to play a game called Mexican Train, and got to go on a nice walk with my niece and nephew. We were on a quest to fly a drone that just didn’t pan out, but otherwise it was a nice walk.

It feels weird, but I’m relaxing into life after a long time of feeling afraid of it. Even when I was happy about it I was afraid that the happiness would go away, but now I’m really feeling cool with whatever comes and goes and that feeling is amazing.

2018 in general has been a big year for me, but I’ve grown a lot especially mentally this year. I’m more in tune now with what I want and how I feel then I’ve ever been and I’m genuinely excited for the first time to see what 2019 brings. Before I was honestly terrified, but now I have an odd peaceful feeling about it. It feels like a year I purged a lot of emotion. Old wounds that have now mostly healed. Especially wounds that I didn’t realize I had.

As crazy as it is to say I feel like I needed to go through all the difficult things I went through this year so that I could become stronger as a person. Because I do feel stronger. Yeah, I hurt a lot this year. I dealt with a lot of general unhappiness. I also didn’t deal with certain things in the best way. But, I’m human and I’m still learning. I think no matter how old you get there is still something to learn. I’m only 20, I’m going to make a lot of mistakes in my life. I just have to make it a point to try my best.

Thanks for reading! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below.

-Till next time!

Freedom From Netgalley

I am finally.. finally free from my Netgalley obligations!!! That’s right.. completely and totally free!

I do not have a 100% feedback ratio. Because of the way I requested books at one point a lot of the books became unavailable because I took to long to get to them.. I am NEVER over requesting books again. From now on.. it’s one or two at a time.

Look at that 87% feedback rating… feels so good! I feel badly about the 15 novels that fell through the cracks.. some of them I didn’t review because they were problematic and I didn’t want to read them and others because I didn’t manage my time right and no longer had access to those books, but I got to a majority of the books and it feels like a true success!

I’m going to steer clear of Netgalley for a while.. I have quite a few books on my shelves and ebooks that I want to get to. I have some books on my shelves I should have read a LONG time ago, but now I am free to read what I want. Maybe I’ll reread a few things. Who knows? I might request the occasional Netgalley read, but for now my book shelves look really good to me.

This Netgalley clean-up took months! I kinda messed things up for myself when I did my book a day thing for the longest time.. it burned me out. Especially writing reviews all the time. It made me so unhappy with my blog and I just wanted to get back to writing posts the way I used to… daily, but whatever I wanted. It’d be nice to do some tags again. I have a couple of projects I’m thinking of doing. All I know is.. it feels good to be free!

Thanks for reading! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below.

Check out my Twitter and Instagram!

-Till next time!

Freedom

Taking the slow steps of a doe out of a cage and into the forest legs shaking, mind wondering, fear showing in the quiver of matted fur, the mind questions if it is all a trick?

In the grand expanse of a world beyond pain a nose picks up the scent of fresh grass for the first time.

Slow steps forward follow slow steps back until finally the doe is out of the cage and the doors shut behind her.

Every sound is awash with twin thoughts of skittish fear and awe.

The world seems almost too bright for her; the music of the wind, so soft causes her panic.

Yet every moment brings new peace and slowly she walks until she comes upon a stream.

Her nostrils flare and she bends her head drinking fresh clean water for the first time in her life.

Finally she allows herself to bathe in the shallow stream and as the water cleans her fur she starts to prance her heart beating fast with hope.

Her tail wags and her hooves clack against the stone bottom in a happy dance.

Into the night she finds herself shelter and food to eat.

She sleeps a peaceful sleep and her nightmares are chased away by imagined days of prancing.

At last.. At last.. at last the doe is free.

The hunter far away.

The doe dancing in a world where she’d never be seen again.

Thanks for reading! This is a poem that has been one of my absolute favorites to write. When I found the first words everything just started to flow. I miss feeling like that while writing poetry.

Let me know your thoughts down in the comments!

-Till next time!

I Am Obsessed: The Story of my Love for a Certain Book

I haven’t felt this way in a long time. Absorbed in a world, in a book so irrecoverably that I don’t want to do anything else but read it. I haven’t felt a need to live in a story and to breathe in its words like I’m starving for it. It reminds me of how reading always was for me when I was a kid and my heart swells with the love for words and stories ever more because of it. 

I’m not gonna talk about what book, rather what series has made me feel this way. That will come later and all of you will know what it is when I talk about it because it simply has set a fire in my heart for how much I love it! I had long been on a semi-reading slump before it and now it’s what I dream about. 

Maybe it’s crazy to feel this way. To become so invested. Maybe it’s stupid to care so much about a string of words, but those string of words make my heart beat faster, my smile appear, make me laugh, and tear at my heartstrings. They made me feel for the first time in a long time that maybe just maybe it’s ok to dream of love. Ok to open up and just live. That it’s ok to let yourself go and see where the world will take you and I feel all the better for it. 

I’m simply full of so much emotion right now and what I’m reading hasn’t even finished. So I’m going to return to it now and let my mind feel the freedom of wholly loving something imaginary. 

I can’t wait to talk about it with you all soon! 

Thanks for reading! Gosh I am so happy in this moment. This is what was in my heart to say and I am so incredibly contented and happy with what I’m reading that I felt as if I would burst if I didn’t share that emotion. I wish for everyone to read a book that makes them feel as I do right now. That is my dream! 

-Till next time! 

My Anthem

This nation needs to band together 

Hand and hand 

Skin to skin 

There is no difference in our hearts 

Just taught hatred 

And hundreds of years of false memories 

Our anger has created our pain 

We must mold that anger 

Turn it to love 

We must change our hearts 

To see that those before us 

Are here with us trying to be 

There is no reason for envy

No reason for bitterness 

No reason to raise your hands against another 

There is no race 

This is no orientation 

Nothing in death 

We have created this filters in living 

Built our brains to see our difference 

I am white so black must be wrong 

No, that is wrong 

I was born in the world to see that because I am human, I can appreciate all color 

Because color is beautiful 

Our hearts are beautiful 

Let us not wallow in our pains 

This world was not built to be against us 

I choose to put my heart with yours 

Because I know this world is not meant for this self-destruction 

Our history is one of war

Our present is one of both hardship, suffering, and an artists hope

Don’t let our future be in ashes 

This is my soul before you 

My true passion 

And my dream 

Will your soul your beating heart beat with mine 

Or will you remain silent or choose to be blind in anger 

We can make our lives better 

This is not the time for silence 

Sing out and sing proud together in harmony 

Because as the grating sound of clashing voices is ugly and painful 

Our voices flowing together can make this world beautiful 

/ Thank you for reading, I hope you take these words to heart. I had another post planned for today, but I was once again reminded that there is something greater that needed to be said. My poetry is my medium to raise my voice. I would hope that you do what you can to raise yours too. Whatever you care about, whatever your passions, please speak out. Let our hearts beat together. Praise be and stay beautiful, inside and out. 

-Till next time