Books of Christmas Future

Stories are a gift that keep on giving

Truths we learn and unlearn

Places we find ourselves to escape what’s broken

The spark in our very souls

I’ve danced with words all my life

They’ve woven themselves into every moment

Curiosities and a pane glass shifted

So I could see what I couldn’t before

Christmas I’ve been gifted the binding of words

That wait for me on dusted shelves

To invite me at the table of brand new existences

To inspire tears, laughter, anger, and wonder

Whenever I’m inspired to open them up

Every Christmas these portals are gifts given

And this is my appreciation for all that will come

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below! 

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Books of Christmas Future

In the future, I wonder what I will see?

Underneath my Christmas tree.

Will there be wars fought and treaties won?

Will there be hearts coming together in spite of it all?

Will there be cyber bodies risking it to the end?

Will there be magic with a reality twist?

Will there be horrors to celebrate?
Or will there be trips to the past that we can’t escape?

Will there be stories of contemporary connections?

And will there be other points of view to consider?

I know that whatever it is to be the case, I will love all the books that come my way!

Christmas time is a magic one.

You never know what will come to be until it’s all done!

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below! This post is a day late. I got a little sidetracked yesterday, but I hope you all enjoyed it anyway!

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A Life Imagined

One day we’ll stand face to face at the alter

All our dreams melded into one glorious day

We’ll spend our nights dreaming of the home we’d build together

Smiling about the sweet music we’d made during the day

We’d laugh and dance through life together

Saying a thousand words with just one look

I can’t wait for the day you put your hand in mine

I can’t wait for the day I laugh with you

I can’t wait for the day I’d whisper in your ear and see you smile with the knowing that every single day I’d take pleasure in choosing you

Tell then, I have mountains to climb, and oceans to cross

Stars to build across my soul

But every lesson, every tick of the clock, brings me closer to the day I finally get to hold you

So for now find peace and be happy

Do what’s right for you

I’ll be working hard and dancing on my own

Till the time comes for me to create a whole new world when I’m with you

One day we’ll stand face to face at the alter

Surrounded by all of those we love

There will be peace and joy and happiness

A new beginning creating one from the two of us

I know it’ll be years before we get there

But oh how sweet it is to dream

Will you dream along with me?

Thanks for reading! I don’t know why, but at the moment I’m feeling really optimistic about the future. Imagining scenarios for what could be has brought me no small measure of peace. One of my greatest desires for my life has been to be with someone I can share my time on this earth with. I don’t know the when or how of it, but I know one day this all will come to be and that’s something to feel good about.

-Till next time!

Spending Time With Family

This blog has become very personal recently, and honestly I like it. Sharing my ups and downs and more what’s going on with me, especially when there has been a lot going on with me recently is pretty cool. Being able to remain open and honest about my anxieties, depression from events that have past, and what I’m healing mentally is really awesome! I’m very grateful to have a platform where I can be real with others.

That being said today was another nice day. It’s a day I needed. It’s also a day I think my family needed too. Myself, my mom, and my sister went to visit some relatives on my mom’s side and it was a pretty chill (also cold) and relaxing day. I may have felt tired all day, but I ate some great food, learned how to play a game called Mexican Train, and got to go on a nice walk with my niece and nephew. We were on a quest to fly a drone that just didn’t pan out, but otherwise it was a nice walk.

It feels weird, but I’m relaxing into life after a long time of feeling afraid of it. Even when I was happy about it I was afraid that the happiness would go away, but now I’m really feeling cool with whatever comes and goes and that feeling is amazing.

2018 in general has been a big year for me, but I’ve grown a lot especially mentally this year. I’m more in tune now with what I want and how I feel then I’ve ever been and I’m genuinely excited for the first time to see what 2019 brings. Before I was honestly terrified, but now I have an odd peaceful feeling about it. It feels like a year I purged a lot of emotion. Old wounds that have now mostly healed. Especially wounds that I didn’t realize I had.

As crazy as it is to say I feel like I needed to go through all the difficult things I went through this year so that I could become stronger as a person. Because I do feel stronger. Yeah, I hurt a lot this year. I dealt with a lot of general unhappiness. I also didn’t deal with certain things in the best way. But, I’m human and I’m still learning. I think no matter how old you get there is still something to learn. I’m only 20, I’m going to make a lot of mistakes in my life. I just have to make it a point to try my best.

Thanks for reading! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below.

-Till next time!

Books of Christmas Future 2018

The future is an enigma. No one can know truly what is to come or what will be. One can only let the universe know their hopes and see if the universe grants what they wish to be.

Maybe the future will grant me a story of lives past

Or maybe the future will be where it’s at

A continuation of a story I started in the past

Or something totally new to keep the imagination something that lasts

Maybe a story to spark love in my heart

Or something where demons live supreme

Maybe something with a bit of tongue in cheek

Or something written a bit uniquely

Maybe something to spark some fear

But you can’t be without a bit of tears

What ever Christmas future brings

I know I’m going to love the adventure they bring

Thanks for reading! Let’s all hope for some great stories in our Christmas futures! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below.

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-Till next time!

Let’s Talk About: 2018

This year has been a lot and it’s not even over yet, but I am so ready to let this year go and see what 2019 has to bring me. However, that’s more for a later post.

Now I want to talk about this crazy, weirdly not as bad as I previously thought, yet also kinda terrible year. To be honest, the beginning of the year was a blur. I don’t remember much. I was probably frustrated due to finical struggles that continue on to today. The one bright spot was getting a car after a stint of not having one due to awful circumstances that live in 2017.

I remember being frustrated with the same job I still have that has been an ongoing thing this year. I remember applying to a lot of different other jobs that didn’t take. I remember being frustrated with being stagnant in my life and feeling like I was never going to really make anything of myself.

I remember making many many pledges to myself this year and the pride I felt when I kept some of those pledges. One being to do something about my weight because it bothered me and I felt ugly in clothing and so I made it a point to do something about it and it worked. I lost over 14 pounds this year and I’m still losing weight. I remember focusing on my mental health and trying to get back into writing and finishing a draft of a novel for the first time.

On the heel of all that, things that meld together because everyday I made it a point to get up early and make that day a new chance to do what I wanted to do (something I need to bring back into my life), I had a very weird and beautiful period that brought some great people into my life and all of a sudden I found myself in love. That love story was crazy and beautiful and full of hope. The relationship lasted for two months. I knew the guy for three. I am still at a loss for words about it all. I still love this person very much. Regardless, of anything that’s been said to me about it. Regardless, of being terribly confused because I feel like for the first time I don’t understand the why of something because I don’t have the full story. Regardless of the fact that this person left my life in such a way that it’s like he poofed himself out of existence. I still deeply care for love and hope happiness for this person. I wish for all his dreams whatever they may be to come true.

However, the loss and the whole crazy beautiful unbelievable story of it has literally changed my life in so many ways. One, I didn’t ever realize how true it is that break-ups are the worst thing mentally ever. The amount of tears and confusion and physical pain I have felt due to his loss is a bit of insanity. I have never felt so out of myself then I have in this experience. Especially because the truth of the matter is this guy felt like the one. Call me crazy stupid whatever, but that’s how I felt. We got along incredibly well. We understood each other. Something about the thought of him just existing and being the amazing guy I believed in made me feel stable. I don’t know, but I was happier then I had been in years and I was discovering new music with him and I was opening myself up to his world and it felt like he was opening himself up to mine.

All I know is for the rest of my life I will always have this guy in my heart. I will always feel a sense of love for him. Because even if I don’t know the whole story or why we couldn’t be together when everything seemed to be so good and changed so rapidly, I will always know that the love was real. That the guy I was getting to know was as authentic with me as he could be. That I will forever be a better person for knowing him. Whatever happens in the future. Should I meet someone that somehow makes me feel something greater then what he made me feel I will always have a piece of his heart with my own. Even though somewhere deep down I get the feeling that his presence in my life isn’t over and I can’t shake it.

But, to clarify something, I don’t think I handled being in a relationship as well as I could have. There are things that I look back on and think that I should have done things differently. One of those things was how much anxiety I was allowing to build up in myself. I worried a lot more then I should have. I miscalculated a lot of things. I thought my family would be cool with it when they weren’t for reasons I didn’t agree with. I tried to figure out ways to somehow get things to work when a lot of it was out of my control. I also didn’t let him introduce himself the way he wanted to and I shouldn’t have done that. I made a lot of mistakes on my part. However, he was the first thing I choose for myself and though I wish things had turned out differently it I learned a lot of life lessons.

One thing I learned is that I convinced myself that I needed him and maybe in some ways that was true, but the truth is more that I wanted him in my life very badly and I could not imagine for the life of me a more beautiful future for myself then the one with him in it. That even if loosing him wasn’t what I wanted I could move forward in my life without him in it. That I would be ok. Right now, I’m more ok then I was. I think I will always miss him. He is a big part of the reason why I’m trying so hard to stay positive. He taught me that no matter how bleak a situation may look there is always something good in life to enjoy. There will always be weird random things in this world that remind me of him like the time I cried at Walmart just cause I saw some Alfredo sauce and remembered him saying once that he would make pasta with his sister. Or when listening to any Michael Buble song ever. Or every-time my sister puts on the Karate kid and my soul dies a little because I swear I’ve never met a guy who loved that movie as much as he did and I live in a house where that movie gets played a billion times over. This guy even instilled in me a love of heavy metal I never thought I would have. I don’t understand it but somehow so many of those songs bring me peace. Damn it if the sound of guitar played a certain way even in a song I had never heard before brings a tear in my eyes. Losing this guy affected me incredibly deeply. Yet, I’m surprised at how short and small any anger I had was. It’s all just been deep sadness and a deep sense of loss. For a while I couldn’t (sometimes still can’t) eat quite right because things weren’t tasting quite right and I felt like throwing up. I never thought I’d feel that way. Not over a guy. Yet here I am.

Maybe it was partially that it was a perfect storm of sucky things. My dad ending up in the hospital again the day after I realized I’d been ghosted. Finding out my dad had four mini strokes. The many not fun discussions I’d have with my mom because of said guy. Other frustration with myself for feeling like I’d overreacted about everything and that maybe that was why things happened the way they did. Also realizing that my mental health was essentially garbage and I needed time to process everything before I even could have a chance of healing.

So here I am now. After another decent break from blogging due to the chaos a day before my 20th birthday and somehow finding that things aren’t so bad. My dad is doing ok. He’s the same as he has been. I have some plans to take on 2019. I’m no longer in my wallowing stage of my grief. I’m willing to take on whatever it is that life is going to throw at me next.

I will not live in my past. I will not let apathy settle in my heart. 2018 was what it was. A lot of it sucked a lot of it was beautiful and a lot of it was positive too. I know that one day everything is going to turn out alright and everything that has happened will make a lot more sense. All that being said, I wish farewell to 2018 it’s not quite reached its end, but believe me I will be breathing a sigh of relief once it’s over.

Thanks for reading! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below.

-Till next time!

I’m not Ready for 2019

As many of you know, 2018 was a year that will be remembered as when my life set on fire. I don’t really have words for the odd twists and turns this year took for me. For how lost I’ve felt I’ve become. The mistakes I made just wishing that I could accept a little piece of happiness in my life.

However, life tumbles on and I’m not ready to tackle next year. I have so many fears. Many of them about my dad. Many of them about the same finical situation I’ve had since the year began. Many of them due to feeling stuck to wake up to the same thing to go to the same job I don’t like and never going out and experiencing little things that give me a sense of enjoyment. I’m afraid of 2019.

I’m afraid of 2019 being the same as 2018 and I’m afraid more so that it will be worse. All this fear in me makes it hard for me to do the things I want to do. It makes it hard for me to write. Makes it hard for me to read. Makes it hard for me to have a feeling of hope. Makes it hard for me to dare to dream.

But the thing about all this is, I have the cards I’ve been felt and they are not going to go away. They aren’t going to change. I’ve lost what I’ve lost. What’s around the corner is coming for me weather I like it or not. I can’t hide from it.

So in 2019, much like every other year, I’m going to try to get a semblance of normal. I’m going to try and heal from 2018’s wounds. I’m going to write like the world is at its end if I don’t. I’m going to do all that I’m going to not close myself off to others. I’m going to let my heart remain open. Open to friendships, open to my family, and open to love. To what may or may not happen.

I can’t stop time from moving on. I can’t stop what’s around the corner for me. But I can try to lessen my fear. I can try to heal. I can try to move forward. Who knows maybe 2019 will be a great year? All of it is yet unwritten.

Thanks for reading! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below.

-Till next time!

Books of Christmas Future 2017

You never know what the world will bring. You can only hope that it will be something wonderful. The future is unforeseeable, but here are my hopes on how it will be.

Filled with books of sweet romance

With fantasy so my heart can dance

Also some books to make me cry

And others to bring me back to life

Maybe a dip into something magically real

Or something spooky to make my heart still

Maybe a long awaited series would be the biggest surprise

Or a copy of a book that I loved with every bit of my being

Maybe a classic to get to the roots of English

Or something thrilling to keep the mystery awake

Hopefully there will be some diversity

In race

Religion

Sexuality

& Identity

Hopefully I can continue some series

But in the end I will be happy with whatever adventures await me:

Thanks for reading! What books are looking forward to in the new year?

-Till next time!

The End of Pride Month


Today marks the end of pride month, but the fight for pride is never ending. It is so important that we all raise our voices for being more accepting and kind to one another. To work together as members of the human species instead of finding things to hate in our differences. 

No matter what sexuality, race, or gender you are, know that you are important and that you matter. It breaks my heart everyday to see how easy people give in to a mindless and ignorant hate. 

I am a white straight female and I acknowledge fully that pride month is not about me. It is about all the ones who suffer simply for the matter of what they feel their gender or sexuality to be. We all need to listen to the voices around us all the while voicing our own. Together we can create change. Together we can spread love. Together we can build a more accepting society. 

-Till next time! 

Falling into you 


There is something about when you look at someone and you know that no matter what they can always make you feel inside

There’s something about that tightening in your chest that lets you know that as long as your with them, everything will be ok

There’s something about being alone, not knowing who you will someday love that both breaks and heals your heart 

There is something about the waiting, the waiting that you give up on until your heart hits you like a train filled with feeling

There is something about you, the man I have yet to meet, that makes me blush and wish are worlds would collide sooner 

There’s something in this universe that makes us wait, makes us grow until the time crashes by and you’ll be there

There’s something about imagining what it would be like, to hold you, to laugh with you, the long slow happy process of falling for you

There’s something about the not knowing, have I ever seen you before? I hope we were young and we shared a smile

There is something about this universe, the time will come and when it does I hope I’ll be ready, ready to give my heart to you

One day we will find each other, it hasn’t happened yet, but right now, we are separated by blurry glass, one day it will clear, one day it will disappear, and nothing will keep me from falling into you

Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed this little piece of my heart. Let me know your thoughts in the comments. 

-Till next time!