Life has struck me once again

This blog fills me with unbridled hope and a desire to be the person I once was. Through this back and forth of starting and failing and starting and failing again and again and again I realized that my stress response is to freeze because there feels like nothing else I can do. I have learned that understanding this feeling and responding to it kindly allows me to get back up and try again.

Through this I understand too I can never be the person I once was. I have evolved. I have lived more life. I have discovered new things to love and new ways I wish for things to be. I have loved deeply and I have lost deeply. I have tried. That’s an important bit, I have tried. I have a great desire for peace in my life and peace in my relationships. Things that have worked. Things that have failed miserably and made me miserable.

My mental health is a constant battle because I face the same core things everyday and even if I know they will someday change right now it’s hard to face it all every day. However, I do do it. I do try. Ultimately through it all I am drawn back here.

So once again I’m going to get back up and try again. I will not pressure myself as far as what I post about. What makes me happy to speak on at any given time is what’s right for me to speak on in that moment.

Right now my focus is on what brings me great joy. Whether that be a game, a anime, a tv show, or a book that is what I want most to give my attention to. So over the next few days expect some fun posts about things that make me happy and that I’m very proud of.

To keep this up I’m going to promise myself to get up at 7 every day. I will do my best to avoid unproductive arguments as much as possible. I will do my best to express myself in a way that I feel good about it. To roll with the storms and allow myself to have as much internal peace as possible.

Life can try to bring me down as much as it wants, but I’m going to do my best to thrive within it. To connect and discover more joy. To not overwhelm myself and flow with what comes and do what needs to be done when I need to. I will take things step by step and start to excel instead of struggle.

Through all of this I will just keep becoming a better and better more well-rounded person who values herself and her joy and promotes that in others too. In life that’s all I really want to strive for.

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below! 

Join me in my live streams on Twitch! 

Check out my INSTAGRAM and TWITTER! 

If you’d like a quality candle check out THE SISTERS OF TWILIGHT WEBSITE.

If you would like to support me directly here’s a link to BUY ME A KOFI! 

My friend started Live Streaming so check them out HERE!!

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I Have Work To Do

I have a lot of problems with getting myself to do what I’m aching to do. It has effected a lot of my life and because my life has been so messy all the time recently I feel like I might as well surrender to the mess and go with the chaos and just do what I want.

So my plan is simple. Decide what I want to do and do it. First things first. The reason I haven’t posted since the last post was I got scammed twice, lost myself to depression, and found comfort in my many conversations with my partner after. To put it colorfully I fucked up. The anxiety kept me from school work and because it was my last week of the term I became a hermit and could only do school work for a time.

The great part is this. I’m tired of being behind. I’m tired of so much outside bullshit happening and I’m ready to actually just focus and take the world by storm. My world.

I’m not here to convince anyone to be, do, or think a certain way. I’m here to share myself and my ideas and learn and create and become more and different all the time. On my journey, I share what I feel should be shared in order to give something to others to connect with and feel inspired from on their own journeys.

I’m here to have fun and share fun and to mess up and to do really really well and to love and jump and dance and decide and I am finally ready to live. To live for me. To live and just give my damn soul to my desires. To feel vigorously and beautifully alive.

So firstly I am going to do one of the most fun and incredible things by finally writing my Scooby doo fanfic. I have wanted to do this for so long. I have loved Scooby Doo since I was a child. One of my favorite pictures in the world is one of me in the mystery machine that happened to be serviced at an auto repair place. My heart lit up to be there.

I want to write a mystery for our beloved Mystery Inc. friends to solve. Maybe make it a little darker then our friends tend to experience, but still at the heart Scooby Dooby Doo. Once it’s finished I’ll either publish it on wattpad or figure out another place to publish it, but regardless this is something I would like you all to experience and read.

This also means watching some of the movies and tv shows of Scooby for research and seeing at the heart what makes Scooby so great and how I can make a story that unique yet still holds that Scooby Doo specialness at the center.

Believing in myself to write this passion project will be the first time in a long time I’ve allowed myself to honor myself and let go of doubt. Doubt does nothing to serve me. It’s crippled me. It’s made me think I’m a failure. It’s driven me to inaction again and again and I say enough. It’s enough.

I am here. I am going to read and write and play games and write whatever posts I damn well please on this blog. I will do it everyday that I can.

Another thing that sets my heart on fire is learning some dances because it pleases me. So I will do that as well. Maybe, I’ll post video on here at some point. Maybe I’ll keep it to myself. Either way I’m going to have fun.

Also, exploring makeup more. I wear makeup most days and I love to experiment, but there’s never too much of that and I think when I’m more confident I’ll share some looks on instagram and see what comes of it.

The last thing that’s important to me to mention is continuing my best thing that happened in a day journal going. Even on days that are extremely depressing. I want to remember that there is good in every day.

I realize now with the fact I haven’t given up. In spite of everything. That I’m here typing this right now at almost 3 am. That that’s how done I am with inaction. As well as the complete joy I feel writing this. Now I can truly say I am back and here to stay. So much to come. I am ready now.

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below! 

Join me in my live streams on Twitch! 

Check out my INSTAGRAM and TWITTER! 

If you’d like a quality candle check out THE SISTERS OF TWILIGHT WEBSITE.

If you would like to support me directly here’s a link to BUY ME A KOFI! 

My friend started Live Streaming so check them out HERE!!

2023: A Whole New Beginning!

My master plan has been brewing for quite some time now. I bet some of you thought I would forget about this blog by now. I dip in and out and I seem to never quite commit. Well, well, well, I’ll have you all know that The Book Raven is back. Ohh, and 2023 is going to be my most productive, fun filled, and insane year yet!

A year of early mornings to stream as StarsWolfe on Twitch and daily writing and posting on here in the nights. That’s right. I will be writing in 2023. I will also be reading and reviewing books in 2023.

I’m very excited to announce I have created a VTuber model for streaming and I’ve figured out how to set it up so that I can use my model and stream from my PlayStation at the same time. I can’t wait for you guys to meet her.

January is going to be me figuring out a new balance with streaming, reading, schooling, and writing. It’s going to be a whole new year with a whole new me to go along with it. I can’t wait to see what comes.

2023 is going to be packed to the brim in so many ways. Surprises and new beginnings galore. Thank you all for deciding to join me on my journey. Happy New Year!

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below! 

Check out my INSTAGRAM and TWITTER! 

If you’d like a quality candle check out THE SISTERS OF TWILIGHT WEBSITE.

If you would like to support me directly here’s a link to BUY ME A KOFI! 

My friend started Live Streaming so check them out HERE!!

September Goals: 2022

I feel like for the longest time now I’ve been just living my life without forcing myself to do or act or say anything I don’t want to. I do have to be honest because one of the things I hadn’t wanted to do was blog. I’d think that I wanted to, but it would urge on a sense of anxiety in my body to try and recreate that old routine of a time that is nothing like now.

However, I miss this. I also feel like it’s the place where my thoughts would be settled instead of chaos and where I connected with so many amazing people. So here I have returned.

One of the biggest changes of my life recently is becoming more of a gamer then any other hobby. I wanted to have the future of this blog reflect that. This month I was to talk about games and my journey into getting platinum trophies and explore that side of myself I’ve been having the most fun with recently.

A goal I have for this month is getting the platinum trophy in Batman Arkum Asylum. Next post I make is going to be detailing what I’ll have to do and my experience with it so far.

I’ll always love reading and writing and I know I’ll try to figure out how to add more of that to my schedule and balance my life more. However, I’m not pressuring myself to do any particular thing. Just what makes me happy. What makes me happy right now is to play video games.

The most important thing for me right now is to stay on top of my school work. So my classes will take number 1 priority. I’ve been trying to wake up early to do class work and it does help a lot with giving me more time in the day for other things.

All in all, September is going to be a test of a new era of blogging for myself. Talking about gaming and other things that I love and not forcing myself to do any one thing.

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below! 

Check out my INSTAGRAM and TWITTER! 

Check out THE SISTERS OF TWILIGHT WEBSITE.

If you would like to support me directly here’s a link to BUY ME A KOFI! 

My friend started Live Streaming so check them out HERE!! 

Places to donate to Trans communities:

Trans Equality 

The Trevor Project

Transgender Law Center 

Some BLM resources:

Link to bail funds to donate to!

Link to petitions to sign! 

Link to a video to watch if you can’t donate!

Goals for July: 2022

After way too much time, I have returned to set my goals for July 2022. I remembered that I had the most success in my goals when I’d write them down here and remind myself of them every day. Consistent progress that would lead to me actually finishing the projects I would set out for myself.

For reading I am going to restart Beyond the Surface. This time it’ll only be up on my blog and the main focus would be for me to read a book every month featuring a character dealing with their mental health.

For July, I will be reading The Art of Starving by Sam J. Miller.

I have chosen this book for this month because I have been desiring to read it for so long and I no longer want to make any excuses for not reading it.

I will also be reviewing the books that I’ve read this year that I have put off reviewing. I’ve been so behind in my reading and reviews that I feel super bad for accumulating such a large back log. It’s time to slowly chip away at it and not accumulate any more books till I have a lot of what I already have read.

In writing, I really want to finish an actual book. I’ve also put that off time and time and time again. It needs to be done. I really don’t care about a specific word count daily this time around, but I need to put something towards my book till it gets done.

The other daily thing is I need to start to exercise and I also don’t care if it starts at 10 minutes a day, but I need to move my body. I need to lose some weight and I miss fitting into a lot of my old clothes. Most of all I want to do some awesome cosplays and I need to loose a bit of weight and get in shape for that. The added bonus of being and feeling healthier will be amazing too.

Starting July 6th, I have the next two classes in my pharmacy technician course. I’m starting to get into more specific pharmacy tech classes and I am excited. I need to organize my classes a bit better so that I balance it to where I get everything done.

Another super exciting thing is that I got myself a ps5 a few months ago. I also took very big advantages of the PlayStation sales that have gone on. I’ve purchased a ton of really awesome games and I’ve been loving many of them. However, I haven’t really been doing a lot of completing any of these games. So my goal for this month is to work towards completing Dark Souls.

So far I have played 25 hours of dark souls. I have made it 8% of the way through the achievements. I am currently trying to make my way through blight town. My goal this month is not to complete dark souls, but at the very least to make any amount of progress on it daily provided I’ve completed all my other tasks for the day.

Also Man of Medan is coming to PlayStation plus in July and I am absolutely going to get my boyfriends to play through the entire game with me. I haven’t played a game with him in a good while and I’m excited to experience something new with him.

Also the main thing I want to do is organize my time better. I want to have nights available for myself to relax watch Stranger Things (my sole tv show to complete goal for the month) or to play video games without worrying that I have all these other things to do and complete for the day.

I also will have a decent amount of days this month set aside for family and friends. These days are the days that are the most peaceful to me.

All in all, there’s a lot I want to do in July. I will make sure I keep the main things I want to complete done and as long as I do, this month will be a success. If I do achieve all my goals this month I’ll let myself buy the game Stray to play next month because I’ve been so excited since it was announced.

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below! 

Check out my INSTAGRAM and TWITTER! 

Check out THE SISTERS OF TWILIGHT WEBSITE.

If you would like to support me directly here’s a link to BUY ME A KOFI! 

My friend started Live Streaming so check them out HERE!! 

Places to donate to Trans communities:

Trans Equality 

The Trevor Project

Transgender Law Center 

Some BLM resources:

Link to bail funds to donate to!

Link to petitions to sign! 

Link to a video to watch if you can’t donate!

New Years Goals 2022

I have thought about what I wanted to do for this year for a good long time. I gave myself December to relax and feel good and prepare myself for 2022. I want to do a lot this year. In a very focused and determined way. I’m so excited.

The first thing I wanted to focus on was going back to school and become a pharmacy tech to make enough money to better support my family. At the same time after doing that working towards being a pharmacist.

In writing I wanted to focus on writing four first drafts this year. So one draft every three months. Starting with a pseudo paranormal horror that I’ve had in my brain forever. Which also means I’ll be watching some fun paranormal horror movies over the coming months to immerse myself in that mindset.

Also in writing I wanted to see if I could write a poetry book and self publish it. As of right now I’m not sure what theme it will have, but I’ll figure it out soon enough.

The last thing in writing I wanted to blog post every day. Which I feel like will actually happen this year because I’m going to have a monthly gift to myself for accomplishing my goals for each individual month.

As for reading I would like to start reading much more often and I hope to complete reading at least 50 books in 2022. To help with this I’m doing a monthly book exchange with a friend sharing our favorite books. For January I’m lending her Starfish and I can’t wait to hear what she thinks. Other then the book she’ll lend me, I will also be reading The Assignment by Liza Wiemer, Replica by Lauren Oliver, and Jack Kerouac is Dead to me by Gae Polisner. As well as two DC comics I was behind reviewing.

My other goal is exercise and it has my favorite prize attached to it if I keep it up all the way into September which is this super awesome Harley Quinn “Kill the Justice League” cosplay that I will buy and feel like a badass in should I keep my fitness goals throughout the year.

For January if I keep my goals I want to get myself this custom Red Riot Sweater. Something that I know I’ll never want to take off and that I’ll feel like I can do anything in. Which will be the perfect thing to wear over the year I want to do so much in.

This year will be about staying positive and motivated and progressing forward and embracing my life. I know that life happens and it can get difficult but I’m so ready to take on this year and do the best I possibly can.

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below! Let me know what your goals are for 2022!

Check out my INSTAGRAM and TWITTER! 

Check out THE SISTERS OF TWILIGHT WEBSITE.

If you would like to support me directly here’s a link to BUY ME A KOFI! 

My friend started Live Streaming so check them out HERE!! 

Places to donate to Trans communities:

Trans Equality 

The Trevor Project

Transgender Law Center 

Some BLM resources:

Link to bail funds to donate to!

Link to petitions to sign! 

Link to a video to watch if you can’t donate!

Getting into Shape

One of the things I’ve put to the side a lot lately has been exercise. Last time I weighed myself I weighed more then I ever have and as someone who likes being active and feeling my body move it’s been a point that causes an amount of sadness for me.

I have quite a few reasons that I want to get back to exercising, but the one that gives me the most passionate motivation is cosplay. I told myself that next year for Halloween I want to buy myself a really nice Harley Quinn cosplay.

I’m obsessed with this kill the justice league version of Harley cosplay. I’m in love with it. The jacket especially is my favorite part and I’ll definitely wear it weather or not I am wearing the whole cosplay. It’s stunning and I know I’ll feel so badass in it.

For me this is a start of exploring something I’ve always loved which is dressing up as my favorite characters. When I was small it was the Disney princesses. Now it’s Genshin Impact characters and Marvel and DC characters. For me being physically in shape and feeling stronger and more flexible will make me feel all the more like those characters I admire.

So starting tonight I’ll be doing regular exercise and getting into shape. I thought I’d start with a two week Chole Ting program with added breaks if need be for long work days and going from there.

I’m really excited about this and I can’t wait to share with all of you my progress and any cosplays I do in the future!

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below! 

Check out my INSTAGRAM and TWITTER! 

Check out THE SISTERS OF TWILIGHT WEBSITE.

If you would like to support me directly here’s a link to BUY ME A KOFI! 

My friend started Live Streaming so check them out HERE!! 

Places to donate to Trans communities:

Trans Equality 

The Trevor Project

Transgender Law Center 

Some BLM resources:

Link to bail funds to donate to!

Link to petitions to sign! 

Link to a video to watch if you can’t donate!

Doing Instead of Fearing

The past few weeks in particular have been a lot for me. In a way that’s both very anxiety inducing, but also contrasted by times that were full of joy and love. I know I get caught up often in how hard things are. Life recently has been a lot of slaps in the face, but also in spite of that I’ve chosen to feel the joy of life too and it’s helped so much.

Two weeks ago my sister was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, pre-diabetic, and they found extra blood platelets in her blood relating to something with her bone marrow that they are still testing and figuring out. Last week, our car breaks sounded awful and we had to take them in to be fixed. We still need the back breaks fixed but we have to wait.

Speaking of if you wish to support me and my family while also getting some awesome, delicious smelling candles order at: https://www.etsy.com/shop/SistersOfTwilight

However, this past week was also really great too. I went ice skating with my friends like we’ve had planned for weeks. My boyfriend sadly didn’t make it on the ice very long, but he said that he was happy to support from the sidelines. His offer to have us do this again and he could just watch me enjoy myself was so adorable and he’s the sweetest. After we played a game of munchkins and my best friend Marble won which was perfect, because she fell and injured herself on the ice.

The next day my aunts came down to visit with my mom, my sister, and I. It was really nice. I always love hearing the stories that are never usually told around the house.

All of that got me thinking. I’ve been afraid to be productive and pursue my passions because I feel like I’ve been waiting for things to blow up. Knowing my family’s health isn’t great. Knowing that the job climate right now is so rocky. That my wrists are injured and I have to keep going and not say anything anymore so I can keep my job. Knowing that our dog Gypsy is getting on in age and her legs are now really weak and she’s always breathing hard when she gets excited.

The anxiety of knowing I’m walking up to the top of a mountain and at some point things are going to start falling off the edge of it and I know I’m not mentally ready for it all to drop. Yet, I’m still living and I have these wonderful friends that have treated me better then any friends I’ve had my whole life. I have a boyfriend that has been the biggest support and the fuel for so much laughter and peace when I need it most. My relationship with my mom and my sister has been better then it has been in a long while. We are hopeful.

So with that hope I want to put my best foot forward. I want to start to write again. To read again. To not live in fear because things are going to fall apart. Because it is going to happen. There’s no doubt. My dad is terminally ill. My mom is getting older and my sister has some unknowns in her health that could be serious issues. I don’t know how much time I have left with my family. That’s the knowing I face everyday that makes me afraid.

But I know that they all want to see me do well. I know my dad wants me to stay positive. I know my mom has been pushing me to write for so long and she wants to see me published. I know my sister wants our candle business to continue to do better. We all want to be happy. We all want each other to be happy. I’m tired of holding back.

So I won’t. When things get hard I’ll take the time I need off then, but for now I want to make a start. I want to live. So I will. You all will be hearing from me again very soon.

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below! 

Check out my INSTAGRAM and TWITTER! 

Check out THE SISTERS OF TWILIGHT WEBSITE.

If you would like to support me directly here’s a link to BUY ME A KOFI! 

My friend started Live Streaming so check them out HERE!! 

Places to donate to Trans communities:

Trans Equality 

The Trevor Project

Transgender Law Center 

Some BLM resources:

Link to bail funds to donate to!

Link to petitions to sign! 

Link to a video to watch if you can’t donate!

Goals For September 2020

Sometimes it’s much easier to start new habits at the beginning of the month. It gives you a chance to set your intentions and to not make excuses and just go for what you want. This month I want to write. I want to read everyday. I want to wake up early and stay up so I can commit to everything I want to get done.

One of the biggest fuels to my anxiety has been trying over and over to recommit to my blog and not sticking to my commitment. Well, this month that all changes. I am ready.

This month my very first goal is to write a blog post everyday. I’ve been able to blog more and more frequently and I have plenty of posts ideas to get me started. There are also three different DC Comic Releases this month that I will be reading and reviewing that I am very excited about Whistle, Unearthed, and Beast Boy Loves Raven.

The other thing I’m actually going to do and stop stressing about is exercise. I’m going to watch some shuffle dance videos since at the moment I am very much focusing on treating my wrists and that’ll be a stress free way of allowing my body to heal and still keeping active. As well as the 100 squats / 100 sit-ups daily challenge.

Another thing I wanted to do is revisit writing in my write this story book and make that my routine for before I start my novel writing for the day: 10 to 20 minutes of writing a short story and then going into writing / researching my novel. I want to spend at least 30 minutes a day focused on writing my ‘bee girl’ novel.

My focus towards learning will be Duolingo and Khan Academy. I’ve been really wanting to take a chemistry class since I never took one in high school and so I’ll be taking one on khan academy doing a little lesson everyday.

When it comes to reading I know at the very minimum I am going to finish reading Spinning Silver no matter what.

I have been so close to done for a long while now. If I do things right I may even finish it today and write my review for tomorrow. However, that remains to be seen.

As far as games, I am committed to Fortnite right now. I’ve played pretty much daily and I’ve unlocked all the skins from season 7 (only thing left is literally 15 alien artifacts). Season 8 is very close now and I will be happy to do my routine to unlock all the skins all over again.

At the end of the month my goal is to feel proud. To feel like yes I did and enjoyed so much this month. That I enjoyed reading and I enjoyed writing and I spent quality time with my family and enjoyed times with my friends too and with my lovely boyfriend. With my hours at work now more manageable to give my wrists a chance to heal I want to heal some of the mental issues that have been plaguing me as well as feel more then my fair share of joy this month. I’ve spent too long in the opposite feeling.

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below! 

Check out my INSTAGRAM and TWITTER! 

Check out THE SISTERS OF TWILIGHT WEBSITE.

If you would like to support me directly here’s a link to BUY ME A KOFI! 

My friend started Live Streaming so check them out HERE!! 

Places to donate to Trans communities:

Trans Equality 

The Trevor Project

Transgender Law Center

My Blog is Now Monetized 🎉

Yesterday afternoon I decided to upgrade my site and join WordPress Ads! I have been blogging for years without being monetized and finally I’m opening the door to start getting paid for my passion.

Of course, this is only the first step towards starting to get paid for my blog. I will be looking into other avenues as time passes as well. Prior WordPress was always putting ads on my blog posts that I wasn’t getting paid for. So now, I’ll be getting a bit of income myself for all the work I do blogging.

From there I also want to explore more what having an upgraded site means and what it’ll offer me in the future. I’m excited to spend time and see if I can redesign my blog a bit and add things to it over the course of this next year.

Who knows? Maybe I can start to make a real source of extra income from doing what I’ve always loved to do.

One of the main reasons I did this is because I’m working with an injury that needs to be healed. If I can manage to make extra enough maybe it’ll be possible for me to take time off of work and be able to rest my wrists so they can make a full recovery.

The other reason was it’s about time. I love writing about books and being a part of the WordPress community. It was about time I started to make a bit of income from it.

If anyone has any advice for me about monetizing a blog or any resources I should look into let me know down in the comments! Also, if you all have any information about Word Ads and how well it’s worked for you, let me know in the comments as well.

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below!

Check out my Instagram and Twitter!

Check out the Sisters of Twilight website.

If you would like to support me directly here’s a link to buy me a Kofi!

My friend started Live Streaming so check them out HERE!!

Places to donate to Trans communities:

Trans Equality 

The Trevor Project

Transgender Law Center 

Some BLM resources: 

Link to bail funds to donate to!

Link to petitions to sign! 

Link to a video to watch if you can’t donate!