Another 30 days of Yoga

I gave myself a few days rest after completing my last 30 day yoga challenge and I’m getting right back into it with another fightmaster yoga challenge for beginners!

October 3rd, 2019

Day 1: Remnant of the last day 1. Just a peaceful soft start and a good reminder to feel good in my body. To come back to peace of mind and feeling like all is well.

Workout of the day: https://youtu.be/CRZmGnF382c

October 5th, 2019

Day 2: I accidentally forgot to do this yesterday. But, I’m back at it today and I’m happy to enter into another yoga challenge. This video was a reminder of the very basics. Which is good because one of the biggest parts of yoga for me is the mental part. Always being present in the moment and how I think while practicing is important. My mind wandered a lot today, but that’s ok, by the end I was fully in the moment and practicing this way more and more will help with my often wandering mind.

Workout of the day: https://youtu.be/wITgM-N1PcY

October 6th, 2019

Day 3: Today was short and peaceful. I didn’t put my knees down for the vinyasas because I’m used to them already. In general today I felt so good in my body. I tried to do my first full push-up in my life today and I succeeded. It’s such a small thing, but I’ve been wanting to be able to do so for so long! It’s so nice that the practice that got me the strength for it has been yoga. Even if something doesn’t happen right away it doesn’t mean never. One step at a time and you will achieve amazing things!

Workout of the day: https://youtu.be/2qqw5AeqQz8

October 7th, 2019

Day 4: The short practices feel extra short after being used to the 30 min classes. However, it does help me get into a state of mindfulness and peace and I think that’s the most important thing. Today I progressed my forward fold where I could touch my big toe if I lift it up with my back straight. My sister made fun of me because she said it was cheating, but I’m proud of my progress nonetheless.

Workout of the day: https://youtu.be/FBl-7zxH0v0

October 8th, 2019

Day 5: Today was a little more intense. Plank with my forearms down always has my whole body shaking. I enjoy a good day of core work. I’m happy to continue on a practice that helps my strength and my flexibility.

Workout of the day: https://youtu.be/iZIvBi0AJkc

October 9th, 2019

Day 6: Another gentle practice. There was more vinyasas, but the time went by so fast that it felt like a good warm up instead of the usual shake fest. I almost didn’t make it to practice today. It’s a good reminder not to get lost in playing too much Town of Salem. I’m way too addicted to that game.

Workout of the day: https://youtu.be/Fkvb3sgB6dc

October 10th, 2019

Day 7: I just want to say how much I love doing this! There wasn’t any standing today, but I was practicing touching my toes on my own and I can finally do it with my back straight! After less than two months of practicing yoga and one of the biggest things for me has been achieved. I’ve been made fun of for my inability to touch my toes. Finally being able to do so without any pain is such a great feeling. I’m so proud!

Workout of the day: https://youtu.be/mFg2QJYn5yo

October 11th, 2019

Day 8: The past few days have been productive in a I’ve grown up and have to do adult things kind of way. The boringish taking care of setting up personal accounts and talking with insurance people and setting up a lot of stuff. Doing yoga has become something I do 100% for myself to stay grounded gain perspective and has allowed me to see the good in the seemingly boring activities that I’ve actually been pretty proud of myself for doing. There is something great about getting yourself put together in all ways.

Workout of the day: https://youtu.be/KOkTu6qngrY

October 12th, 2019

Day 9: Today while practicing a lot of things in my life felt clearer than normal. I realized that I felt ok within myself and how things are right now. Even though I know my life is changing and will continue to change I’m happy and ok in this transition period of the unknown. I’m proud of just being myself and my refusal to give up on life. I’m healthy. Actually healthy, mind, body, and soul. I remained patient with myself and I’m finally standing and seeing how far I’ve come. I don’t have depression anymore and I’ve come to be able to combat any triggers to my anxiety like a pro. I feel good. Really good. I brought myself out of the darkest my mind had ever been. I truly am grateful I showed up for myself. It even shows with how I care for myself everyday and am not afraid to buy something I like when I see it. I am my own warrior and I am unbelievably proud.
Workout of the day: https://youtu.be/ymNC71KWY1M

October 13th, 2019

Day 10: Sometimes after a really good day things don’t go exactly as planned. Today was one such day, but doing this instead of giving in to apathy and realizing that one bad day isn’t going to ruin the rest of them. Practicing yoga is a reminder that I have a choice in every moment to look at the bright side and not let a negative period dictate how I see things. I can overcome it. Each and every day.

Workout of the day: https://youtu.be/lJ0G8RgYI6w

October 14th, 2019

Day 11: Lots of twists today! Which felt amazing on my back. My spine feels so good after today’s practice. I’m in a very happy mood today and I’m so grateful for it! I attribute a lot of the peace I find in my life recently to my decision to practice yoga. It’s always the time of day my mind is clearest. I’m loving the practice!

Workout of the day: https://youtu.be/5wG-RKX-2Xg

October 15th, 2019

Day 12: she did a variation on a yoga pose today that I hadn’t done before so I messed it up a little, but I got it eventually. I did my practice today with a charcoal face mask on so it felt like a double dose of self care. Today was quite the productive day! We shall see what tomorrow brings.

Workout of the day: https://youtu.be/Rt3s0q8-YTA

October 17th, 2019

Day 13: I didn’t practice yesterday and I almost didn’t practice today. But, every time I decide to even when I don’t really feel like it I remember why I enjoy it so much. It’s peaceful for me. It helps me to feel ok with where I’m at as a person. It’s part of how I care for myself.

Workout of the day: https://youtu.be/FWHVtB7zEq4

October 18th, 2019

Day 14: today was a mediation day which felt so good after working hard all day today. This yoga practice is slowly changing my life. I’m truly grateful for it.

October 19th, 2019

Day 15: Today was a good ab workout. I don’t know if it’s just that I was tired today or what, but after I finished I had a tear on my face and I don’t know why? I wasn’t sad or anything, but a tear came anyway.

October 20th, 2019

Day 16: I practiced in the morning today. In the morning my body is a little more stiff, but still it’s not as bad as it used to be. Overall a nice smooth practice today.

Workout of the day: https://youtu.be/AOYL5MTVsGI

October 21st, 2019

Day 17: In general, this time around it’s been a general yoga flow with bit too many new things thrown in. What’s been good about that is that this practice has been more about a good mental state than anything else. Being healthy in the mind shapes the way you see everything around you. The peace I find practicing yoga is incredible. It feels so good.

Workout of the day: https://youtu.be/GttbhZ1mQkU

October 22nd, 2019

Day 18: I love feeling the increase to my arm strength. I have so much more control over slowly lowering myself down then I had before. The most minute of progress is still progress and it should be celebrated!

Workout of the day: https://youtu.be/lPEEnsyME-E

October 23rd, 2019

Day 19: Today felt pretty tough for some reason. I also felt a weird construction in my throat that felt like stuck energy that wanted to be released. I know that by tomorrow or a few days from now that should feel a lot better. Other then that I really worked my core today. Maybe I’ll do a morning practice tomorrow.

Workout of the day: https://youtu.be/b-k4RH5BA-0

October 24th, 2019

Day 20: Today also made me tear up. I don’t know what it is about practicing recently, I end up shedding a few tears. I’m not sad about much of anything really right now, but the practice brings it out anyway.

Workout of the day: https://youtu.be/cgL75KRUfM0

October 25th, 2019

Day 21: During this meditation I cried a bit. Because it was about love. Imagining people you love, people you see from day today, people you dislike, your family members, pets, etc.. you tell all these people that you wish them well, that you want them to be happy and healthy and you do this too while imagining yourself. It’s a very powerful meditation. At one point my ear started ringing… and it isn’t the first time that’s happened while I meditated (even if it doesn’t mean anything). All around a powerful experience.

Workout of the day: https://youtu.be/ZUsRp3pofPQ

October 28th, 2019

Day 22: I am so happy! I accomplished both sides of the side plank! I was shaking like crazy, but I held it and I couldn’t before. I’m kinda glad that I took two days off. I didn’t really want to, but I did need a break.

Workout of the day: https://youtu.be/DadDEOPIWB0

October 29th, 2019

Day 23:
Today’s practice felt really good in my body. I felt like I stretched everything deeply and my body feels warm and comfortable. All around a great practice!

Workout of the day: https://youtu.be/deTfbPqrEqk

November 6th, 2019

Day 24: So it’s been over a week since I continued this challenge. Partially, that’s because I was super excited to put on some make-up for Halloween. Partially, it’s because I knew I was going to six flags on the 3rd for Halloween. But mostly, it’s because I had the first depressive episode I have had in a long time. It started at the end of November 1st and lasted until today. I spent that time mostly watching Scream Queens and distracting myself with playing Town of Salem and reading a book for a book tour review. All this to say.. I’m doing better today. I didn’t really have an intention of starting back everything till tomorrow, but I knew that if I wanted to feel better I needed to get back into things as soon as possible. Some personal stuff happened and it freaked me out, but I know we’ll push through and in a few months things will settle down again. This is probably the fastest I’ve ever pulled myself out of a depressive spiral and I’m super proud of myself for it. I’m dedicated to my well being and mental health. So if I have to keep pulling myself out of spirals a thousand times until they are no more I will. Because they are lessening and that is something I am truly grateful for. On another note, today’s practice was intense. A strength workout for my first time back over a week wasn’t as fun as you’d think. But, I still did it and that’s worth a whole lot.

Workout of the day: https://youtu.be/lpqW_GOgHpQ

November 7th, 2019

Day 25: I feel a thousand times better today. This workout felt amazing. I realized I could do a deeper happy baby. My body felt open. I felt the negative energy from worry and depression I talked about yesterday melt away. I feel so much better.

Workout of the day: https://youtu.be/JMd4HHHwy_g

November 8th, 2019

Day 26: My arms felt pretty tired today. Today’s practice was a little more difficult. However, there was a lot of downtime and I did take some extra breaks so it was definitely doable. I’m feeling much better overall today and I’m excited for what tomorrow will bring!

Workout of the day: https://youtu.be/ZzDKrGr6J3o

November 9th, 2018

Day 27: I thought I would be exhausted today because I worked 8 hours, but I’m not. The past couple of practices have felt intense and this was no exception.

Workout of the day: https://youtu.be/IwAdoSYgWWE

November 10th, 2019

Day 28: I want to go back to this meditation anytime in my life where I’m feeling down or out of sorts. It is a beautiful mediation full of truths we don’t always want to believe for ourselves. I loved it. It brought me a lot of peace.

Workout of the day: https://youtu.be/hKw9lpBSTIk

November 11th, 2019

Day 29: Today’s practice felt so so good. My back feels wonderful. My mind feels peaceful. I loved every second of it. I’ve noticed recently that my hips have opened up a lot and that I can go deeper into a lot of the hip-opening stretches. I also noticed that as excited as I am for every little piece of progress I am also quite happy with where I’m at currently. This includes in my general life as well. A lot of the time I’m concerned with when something will happen for me in my life, but not so much anymore. I’m pretty happy with how things are right now and that’s saying a lot.

Workout of the day: https://youtu.be/icxACBM5DC8

November 12th, 2019

Day 30: Another practice that simply felt amazing! It’s the end of another 30 days of yoga and I might not have done it all consecutively, but I did do it to the best of my ability. I feel my body being stronger, lighter, and more at peace than ever. It’s one of the best gifts I could have ever given myself.

Workout of the day: https://youtu.be/jbCK8BwSVtw

All in all: I’m grateful to have committed myself to this experience. This time was more tumultuous then it has been previously, but that’s ok. It happens. But, in the end it helped me learn a few things about myself and continue to grow as a person.

Thank you all for reading! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below!

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Welcome September!!

It’s the end of September 1st and I’m excited to welcome the new season and all that September has to bring me.

I don’t really have any plans this September. Whenever, I make plans they never quite turn out as I’d expect anyway. However, I know whatever I do it’ll be fun. I’m still looking for a better job. One option didn’t work out so I’m exploring other avenues.

One of my biggest lessons has been to let things be. In every situation. Sometimes I want to worry about what will be. I’m still learning this lesson. So the approach I am having for this month is just to do my best. I’m going to let any mishaps wash away and follow whatever brings me the most joy in every moment.

That’s what this month will be about for me.

Also I’m really excited for the fall season. The weather has been extremely hot recently and it will continue to be hot for a while, but when it starts to cool I am going to feel very relieved.

Thank you all for reading! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below!

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August Goals

Every day recently has gotten better and better for me. Mostly because I decided a long time ago to be happy and grateful no matter the circumstances and so far that’s really been working for me. It’s the simple stuff. I’m putting more things that make me happy as priorities in my life and letting be whatever gives me a sense of pain.

One thing I’ve oddly turned to has been making food. I never liked the idea of cooking. Mostly because I don’t like the mentality that a women’s place is in the kitchen and that turned me off of cooking for years. However, I’ve gained a lot of independence in my life recently and part of that has been making food for myself.

I’ve enjoyed making myself bean tacos and finding different recipes on Pinterest I’d like to try. I’m making some popsicles out of ingredients I find around the kitchen. I like making different recipes my own and being surprised by how good they actually taste.

One of my goals for the month is to continue exploring that new aspect of my life and trying different things.

Mostly, I want to keep my goals as loose as possible. I’m feeling really good about myself and I want to follow that feeling and take things one step at a time. I talked already in a previous post that I’m really going to be focusing on finding myself a better job during this month. So I’ve been applying around and figuring out where I’d prefer working and what the best step forward is for me.

I know that my focus has been more about internal and practical stuff, but that’s what I’ve needed to focus on recently. I will always be a bookworm. I will always find joy in writing. But, I needed to choose myself and focus on being better as a person so that when I write it’s something that I can give my all to in a positive way.

I may write this month. I may read this month, but my main focus is on my own happiness and peace of mind. I don’t want to bite off more then I can chew and restart old patterns that weren’t healthy for me. I know I can handle a lot in my life. I’ve handled plenty, but I’m working on making all of my dreams come true one step at a time and I realized even just today that as good as I’ve gotten at letting things be I can still get worked up over certain things and I need to continue refocus on the positives.

Thank you all for reading! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below.

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-Till next time!

Hello July!!

I haven’t done this sort of post in a long time, but this month is going to be a fun one and I’m really excited about it.

This month, I’m going to visit magic mountain for the first time in years! I’m celebrating July 4th and my sisters birthday this month so I’m really pumped about it.

As far as reading goes my goal is to read this beauty finally:

I meant to start reading it one of these past weekends, but I still haven’t reviewed ‘The Beholder’ and I’m focusing on getting that done first, but after that I’m devouring this book!

After ‘Escaping from Houdini’ I will probably finally finish reading ‘Wicked Saints’ and get that review done as well.

Of course, this month I will also be continuing on with the marvel-verse series. I plan on seeing Spider-man: Homecoming at some point this month and while I may not discuss it till well in the future I am definitely not going to miss out on seeing this film in theaters. (On a side note: I also plan on seeing Annabel Comes Home this month as well, which I will be posting about so I’m excited for that!)

Other then all that, I’m generally excited to see what July brings. It’s stacking up to become one of the best months of the year and I’m just happy to be able to discuss it with all of you!

Thanks for reading! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below.

-Till next time!

2019: The Year I Take Back Life for Myself

Before I had said I wasn’t ready for 2019. But, I think a few things have changed that. The first, I saw this little girl at my work yesterday and she was the feistiest happiest little girl I ever saw. She just by being alive and being as happy as could be inspired me. I’ve been wallowing over everything that I can’t change. The guy I fell in love with left me. My dad’s health isn’t doing well and continues to decline. My finical situation sucks. I’m in a job I hate. I’m not writing and I hadn’t felt motivated to do anything sense I lost the one thing that really felt good in a all the chaos.

Yet, yet that little girl she reminded me of something really important. That it’s not life that decides who you are and what you do it’s you. You can choose to shine your light or you can choose to wallow. I’m done wallowing. I want to smile and laugh and enjoy life for me again. I want to be what makes me happy. Whatever that brings into my life I want to give my all into.

I may not have the guy that I fell for to dance through life with anymore, but I have myself. I will always have myself. I want to forage love for myself. I want to be mindful of my mental health and achieve great things next year.

So here are my goals for 2019:

  • To write everyday a minimum of 500 words towards one of my WIPs. Writing needs to be more of a priority in general. I have no real excuse about not making my dream a reality. If I create a daily writing habit I can finally take real steps toward eventually publishing a novel one day.
  • To not freak out when things don’t happen the way I think they will. Too often I think that somethings going to turn out a certain way or that someone is going to react one way or another and a lot of the time I’m wrong and things end up worse off then they were before. So, I’m going to be mindful of myself and take time to process a situation before I make a decision. I am also going to just be really open and honest about as much as I can and to not get so upset about things when they go awry. Getting upset doesn’t really help anyone and it certainly doesn’t help me. I’m going to leave more things up to my faith. To try and learn to recognize what things need my input and what things don’t. To give things time to dissipate on their own time and not do so much scrambling to fix things that I can’t fix.
  • To read books I Physically Own. I have many books on my shelves being neglected. Many I’m super excited to read. I just need to get my butt in gear and read them.
  • To not take things too seriously. Yes, there are things in this life that are serious and need to be thought about, however, with my mental health being what it is I need fun in my life. I need to laugh and be happy. I need to dance when I feel like it. I need to make jokes when the moment arises. I need to go out and enjoy what the world has to offer when I need to. I can’t live my life fearing what’s next all the time. Living a life full of sadness and anxiety isn’t living a life at all. And in a lot of ways this means leaving my heart open, not just to love (even if I still have only one guy in my heart, even if I’d love it for him to be back in my life, I can’t force someone to want me in their life, and so I have to accept that he let me go) but to friendships and to people in general.
  • To give Duolingo a second chance. Sometimes I forget my own neediness and desire for knowledge. I love to study things. Anything really. Take me to look at science books in a store and I’ll be interested. Language is one of the things that fascinates me. I need to continue my Spanish practice and do at least two levels of the whole tree and maybe then I can move on to a new language. All I know is daily practice is key!
  • To write a poem every day. This is going to be fun for me, because I’m planning on doing a random poetry prompt generator and putting all my poetry up on wattpad. These poems are probably going to be a bit silly, but the point of it is also to let my brain loosen up a bit. To have fun while writing something.
  • To blog daily. I hate that I often have random hiatuses where none of you know why I stopped posting for a while or what’s going on. I want to commit to blogging and have fun with it. I might have to do a little bit of planning to keep myself on track, but I don’t mind doing so so much. I know I’m capable of it so I’m going to give it a go.
  • To meditate daily. Meditation is one of those little things that has really helped me stay sane. I haven’t been doing it much recently and I need to find my way back to it.
  • To take my mental health seriously. Recently, due to my very terribly timed break up with someone I never wanted to loose my mental health suffered greatly. My eating was weird because there were times where nothing tasted good and It’s caused me to want to throw up. I’ve cried a lot. Even though I’m trying to move forward I still want to cry now. The missing feels like I have a hole where my heart used to be, but at the same time I feel so much love for him there and it’s as if my heart refuses to believe it’s all over. The strangest things remind me of him and as positive as I’m trying to be sometimes I want to curl up in a ball and let the world swallow me whole. It hurts a lot. I feel like I lost something truly beautiful. I feel like I lost something truly right. Because of these feeling I hurt and at the most random of times. I’ll cry alone in the storage room at work or in the shower or just walking anywhere. I need to make it a point to be good to myself and take things slow. Yes, I want to start doing things again. I don’t like to feel like things out of my control have gotten the best of me. I want to move forward with my life and remember that what’s meant to be will happen and nothing can stop it. That whoever I’m meant to be with is out there and if it’s the guy I fell for then he’d be there for me, but if not then someone really awesome is waiting for me and they deserve me at my best. That I deserve to be my best self for me. So I’m going to be kind to myself in 2019. I’m going to get productive, but I’m also going to be good to myself.
  • To maintain my eating/exercise habits. My body already looks better now then it ever did. I weigh less then I did in high school. My sister subscribed to a workout program online called Les Miles. Over the past few weeks I’ve been exercising a whole lot more and it’s been a lot of fun. In 2019, I want to work on my physical health and find strength both physically and mentally.
  • To work on a business project. Hopefully this works out the way I hope it will, because then I’ll have my own little business to keep up and running in 2019! It’s at the basic stages right now, but hopefully I’ll be selling some very special products in the new year!
  • To find and wear clothing that makes me feel good. I don’t talk about it much, but I do appreciate fashion. I don’t wear stuff that I actually like wearing often at all because in my job I have a uniform and everything gets dirty and I end up feeling like a potato at work, but I want to make some opportunities to look nice outside of work for myself. Especially now that I’m really starting to love how my body actually looks.
  • To keep up a daily journal. Sometimes it can feel cathartic to keep up a journal. To remember that you can feel one way one day and the complete opposite the next. Plus, it will be a nice little something to look back on. Who knows what each day will bring?
  • To stretch daily. I’ve always wanted to be flexible, but I give up on it far too often. I want to make it a point to work at least a little towards it everyday. Who knows? Maybe the impossible split isn’t impossible?
  • To choose myself. I have a bad habit of doing things to please other people. To put others needs before my own. Even to let others problems become mine. I’m an empath and even reading a fictional story can leave me balling. I need to start choosing myself. To do what I feel is right for me. To make myself a priority. To listen to myself and do things that make me happy and that are genuinely good for me.
  • To interact with fellow bloggers again. I’ve been dreadfully inactive in this community. I miss reading and commenting on everyone’s blogs. I’m going to make it a point to start commenting again more often in the new year.
  • To reduce my anxiety and depression. Recently, I’ve been really working hard on this part of myself. These feelings internally are hard to ignore. A big thing for me is going to be working on seeing positives in life. To take little pieces of happiness wherever I can find it. To give in to what God and the universe has in store for me and to stop trying to control it.

2019 and the rest of my life is coming weather I’m ready or not. What’s going to happen with life is going to happen no matter what. I can’t forget to enjoy life. I can’t let myself go through life feeling broken. I need to enjoy what I’ve got. To have fun. To be my best self. I have not handled many of the recent events in my life well. I made some poor decisions that I regret. Healing in the new year may take time. I know getting back to myself will take time, but eventually I’ll get there. When I finally do I can’t wait to see what the world has in store for me. 2019 will be a year of hard work, but it will be incredible to see who I become once it is over.

Thanks for reading! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below.

-Till next time!

Writing Horror in December

There was a poem I wrote for Halloween that inspired a brand new book idea that I immediately fell in love with. I shared it with my closest friend at the time and they told me that I should definitely write it. I immediately wrote the first chapter and then life happened. I felt no longer motivated to continue the story and it was at a standstill. My life was at a standstill.

However, now more then ever I look back at that story and I’m still in love with it. So yesterday I wrote 1,000 words towards it and I now can’t wait to keep the story moving! This story has the snarkiest Mc I’ve ever written, a mom battling anger and depression, and a house that may or may not be driving one of the two into insanity.

This book is fun because it writes so easily. There is no outline necessary and I can just go for it! I’m letting this story take me wherever it wants to go and so far I’m really enjoying where it’s gone!

I know I can write this book to completion decently quickly. Which is odd and unusual for me. But it’s one of those books that is calling my name and I have a feeling that to deny that call would be a mistake.

Maybe it’s weird to write horror during the Christmas season, but I’m so happy with this story that I don’t really mind it. I can’t wait to see how the first draft turns out!

Thanks for reading! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below.

-Till next time!

Why I’m Not Doing Nanowrimo This November

Every year I try to pursue Nanowrimo and every year I fail. I fail because of life. I fail because I have so many things I want to do. I fail because I can’t seem to sit myself down and write 1,500 words in one sitting. One year, I swear I will pursue and complete this challenge, but now is not the time.

I have a lot of things going on in my personal life. I have a lot of obligations I have to fill. I also, have this urge to watch some movies. Plus, I’ve had the feeling of wanting to binge all of Shane Dawson’s You-tuber documentaries. I’m also working a lot trying to make some extra money for Christmas. I simply don’t have the time.

This does not mean I won’t be writing at all. I’m currently writing a new book idea that has required no outlining what-so-ever and basically just lives in my brain waiting to be written. This book would have been perfect for Nanowrimo, but still, I have a couple of other obligations I’m working on on the side.

Sometimes, you have to look at your life and say to yourself that your not going to pile up a billion things. I have a tendency to do that to myself. To say I’m going to do this thing and that thing and adding too many things till I burn out. So for now I’m just going to stick with what I have.

This month no doubt is going to be a productive one. However, writing a whole book is not going to be in the cards. That’s fine by me for now. I’m going to try and balance some enjoyment and productivity this month. I think that is a good goal.

Nanowrimo is an amazing thing. So many amazing writers go on and tackle their stories and make them real. I’m going to continue on that same path, but I’m taking a slow and steady approach to it. I have so much I want to do. I think it’s not so bad to try and balance everything out a bit.

Thanks for reading! Are you doing Nanowrimo? I’d love to hear your thoughts down in the comments below!

-Till next time!

My November Goals

So as many of you know, the past few months had been amazing for me. Some of the coolest most wonderful things came into my life. I was productive and having fun and enjoying life and what it had to offer. I felt amazing.

However, I haven’t posted in a few days. I hadn’t done so because well, some things threw my life into chaos and I had been forced to choose a path and even if I feel I choose the right one, my family isn’t happy about it. Yet either way, half of this decision isn’t mine to make and the person concerned in all of this is out of touch with me for a while.

In the meantime, I spent a lot of time thinking. A lot of time trying to figure out some things. Spent time watching many YouTube videos so that I could have some happiness. Some sense of normalcy. I feel like my life has turned into a battlefield and I for a short time felt like I was loosing. I felt I was in a lot of turmoil and I needed that time to figure some things out on my own.

What this all has to do with November is that I’m going to get back to myself this month. I’m going to be productive. I’m going to continue my life. I’m going to be as happy as I can, because I know that’s what the person/people I love most would want for me. What I would want for all the people I love. I need to finish some things I started last month. So there’s still going to be some spooky talk for a while. I’m going to read some great books. I’m going to write and I’m going to write as much as I can. I’m going to put myself first and do the best I can in all ways that I can.

When I think about the difference between what’s happened these past few months and what’s going on right now it’s staggering. However, I’m hoping that things will turn out well soon. I’m hoping that whatever happens I can come out of all of this in tact. I believe I will. I believe that I’ve chosen well. Sometimes, you have to take some time and choose for yourself. Sometimes you have to fight for what you believe in.

Thanks for reading! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below!

-Till next time!

July TBR

This Tbr is going to be relatively small. It’s camp Nanowrimo and I honestly don’t know how much reading I’m going to be doing. (Hopefully my usual hour a day, but you never know). These will all be Netgalley reads because I am 20 books behind and I want to finally be caught up.

Currently reading:

The Beauty That Remains

Music brought Autumn, Shay, and Logan together. Death wants to tear them apart.

Autumn always knew exactly who she was—a talented artist and a loyal friend. Shay was defined by two things: her bond with her twin sister, Sasha, and her love of music. And Logan always turned to writing love songs when his love life was a little less than perfect.

But when tragedy strikes each of them, somehow music is no longer enough. Now Logan can’t stop watching vlogs of his dead ex-boyfriend. Shay is a music blogger struggling to keep it together. And Autumn sends messages that she knows can never be answered.

Despite the odds, one band’s music will reunite them and prove that after grief, beauty thrives in the people left behind.

There is so much grief felt in this book. All three have felt the loss of someone dear and I’m curious to see how they all come together in the end.

Tbr:

Big Water

Seventeen-year-old Christina McBurney, grieving the loss of her twin brother, Jonathan, to consumption, has run away from her Parkdale home. She believes her mother wishes she had been the one to die, and she plans to find work far away as a nursemaid or teacher. Christina’s cousin Peter is the first mate on the Asia, a steamship that transports passengers and freight throughout the Great Lakes, so she seeks him out to secure passage to Sault Ste. Marie.

But when a violent storm suddenly rises, the overloaded and top-heavy steamship begins to sink. Christina, heeding the warnings from her cousin, somehow makes her way to the hurricane deck. A large wave tosses her overboard, but just before she loses consciousness, she is pulled to safety.

Hours later, adrift on the wide-open water of Georgian Bay, in a lifeboat full of corpses, Christina is nervous about being alone with Daniel, a brooding young man with a likely criminal past and the only other passenger left alive. But they both know that working together is the only way they will find the strength to make it to safety.

Big Water is a fictional account of the real-life story of the only two survivors of the sinking of the SS Asia in 1882.

I love unique stories that are based off of not well known real life events. It sheds a different light on history and I really enjoy it.

To Kill a Kingdom

Princess Lira is siren royalty and the most lethal of them all. With the hearts of seventeen princes in her collection, she is revered across the sea. Until a twist of fate forces her to kill one of her own. To punish her daughter, the Sea Queen transforms Lira into the one thing they loathe most—a human. Robbed of her song, Lira has until the winter solstice to deliver Prince Elian’s heart to the Sea Queen or remain a human forever.

The ocean is the only place Prince Elian calls home, even though he is heir to the most powerful kingdom in the world. Hunting sirens is more than an unsavory hobby—it’s his calling. When he rescues a drowning woman in the ocean, she’s more than what she appears. She promises to help him find the key to destroying all of sirenkind for good—But can he trust her? And just how many deals will Elian have to barter to eliminate mankind’s greatest enemy?

I am finally going to be reading this book this month! If that’s not motivation to read the above two books with lightning speed I don’t know what is?

In Sight of Stars

Seventeen-year-old Klee’s father was the center of his life. He introduced Klee to the great museums of New York City and the important artists on their walls, he told him stories made of myths and magic. Until his death.

Now, forced to live in the suburbs with his mom, Klee can’t help but feel he’s lost all the identifying parts of himself—his beloved father, weekly trips to the MoMA, and the thrumming energy of New York City. That is until he meets wild and free Sarah in art class, with her quick smiles and jokes about his “brooding.” Suddenly it seems as if she’s the only thing that makes him happy. But when an act of betrayal sends him reeling, Klee lands in what is bitingly referred to as the “Ape Can,” a psychiatric hospital for teens in Northollow.

While there, he undergoes intensive therapy and goes back over the pieces of his life to find out what was real, what wasn’t, and whether he can stand on his own feet again. Told in alternating timelines, leading up to the event that gets him committed and working towards getting back out, Gae Polisner’s In Sight of Stars is a gorgeous novel told in minimalist strokes to maximal effect, about what makes us fall apart and how we can put ourselves back together again.

This book is amazingly rated and I feel honored to read it. Everything about it screams awe inspiring.

Thanks so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed my short tbr. I look forward to reading all of these titles! Let me know what your reading next down in the comments!

-Till next time!

Failure is Inevitable

On my journey to progress in mental health, writing, language learning, and just doing the best I can, I have realized that I have failed many times and that I will fail even more in the future. It is the way of life that failure and losing is going to happen to you far more then success. It will happen, but it’s what you do with that failure that is important.

My failures are settling into my apathy and letting life pass me by and going through the motions of life. My failures are giving into my vices and giving up. Basically not showing up to do the things I need to do to move forward in life.

It took me a long time to reach a point where I could reflect on my failures and why I am failing again and again and working to create a different approach to how I’m doing things so that I tend to fail a bit less. I understand that I have messed up or that I was too far in a bad headspace to want to move forward and the very next day I start over.

I think and live more and more in the present. I forgive my faults as I work to change them and pick myself up again and again. I build habits as much as I build a new attitude and I put one step in front of the other. When things that happen that are out of my control I try not to see it as failure (though I still do at times). I try to make how I react count. I work towards healthy inside and out and I force myself to think that (for things that are in my control) I will not be the person that let’s myself fail.

I am proud that because I have changed a lot of my mindset so relentlessly that I have begun to move forward without giving in for longer and longer times. I work day to day and take each moment as my opportunities and it’s changed me. I have my daily things to do and I get them done (most of the time). I give myself projects to look forward to.

Failure is the thing I am no longer afraid of. Things happen, I get knocked down, I feel hopeless, yet the next day I open my eyes the world moves and I choose to move with it. Don’t let failure be the thing that makes you feel that your dreams are hopeless. Know that you will fail. Give yourself room for it even. Yet don’t let it be your excuse. Every day when you open your eyes choose to be the person who takes action. Choose to try and try and try and try again working every angle you can think of and creating more. Don’t give up but even when you do don’t let it last. Give yourself a reset. Just like a video game character getting up with their thousandth life.

Thanks for reading! What are your dreams and aspirations? What will you do to make them happen? Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below!

-Till next time!