Watching: The Farewell

I didn’t plan on watching a movie today and today I was pleasantly surprised to get a chance to watch The Farewell.

I choose this film firstly because it was a comedy. Secondly because it dealt with the grandmother having cancer. Thirdly because I was watching this only with my mom and I thought she would enjoy it.

I didn’t realize that it would be half in Chinese. I didn’t realize it would make me feel so much. I also didn’t realize I would laugh so much then cry then be happily surprised by its ending. This movie is so beautifully sweet and I never thought a lie would be so wonderful.

Billi has loved her entire life in America. She lives in New York along with her parents. She was doing her best to make something of her life. Yet, when she finds out that Nai Nai has cancer. She travels there alone when the rest of the family said she shouldn’t be there out of fear of letting the secret be known.

In Chinese culture when someone is ailing with cancer the whole family holds the burden of knowing it and no one says a word of what’s going on health wise with that person. They do this because they believe that it is the fear cancer brings to a person that kills them.

I have to say that sadly that’s very true. When my Dad knew he had cancer he started to deteriorate faster then I’d ever seen. I look at him now and he’s so much thinner and grayer. The only thing he has life for is Facebook. I’ve seen him get really depressed and mad at life. I’ve seen him cry for his situation and it’s broken my heart more then once.

It made me wish we could have not said anything to him about his cancer, but that’s illegal in the US. I wish I could see my dad as full of life as he was when I was a little girl. But, the cancer mixed with his mini-strokes have created a perfect storm of some really difficult circumstances.

Anyway, it made the travel of Billie and her family back to America a really hard scene for me to watch. I can’t imagine leaving my dad not knowing if I’d see him again. It’s made me someone who refuses to keep hold of grudges and who is always open about how I feel for someone. Especially when I love them. I live my life for each and everyday and I appreciate every moment I have with my family and friends.

But, this isn’t all about the sadness this movie was a comedy and it brought me a lot of joy as well! Part of this film that was really fun for me was the relationship between Billie and her mom. Billie is a little quirky and affectionate in a similar way to how I’m affectionate with my mom. She’d put her head on her mom’s shoulder and her mom would push her away with a little smack on the shoulder. In my life I’ve been on the receiving end of those sorts of smacks from my mom and it was cute to see that sort of mother daughter relationship dynamic play out on screen.

This movie had a beautiful balance of culture, comedy, and seriousness. I loved the insights I gained from it both in the big moments and the small ones. One being when Billie spoke with Nai Nai about losing her fellowship. Nai Nai told her that she’d lived a long life and that she was beautiful and smart and that she’d make her success along the way. She made light of something that felt like a big loss and I found that to be beautiful.

Food too was huge in this movie. Eating as a family and talking over huge lunches and dinners. A lot of the movie surrounded huge meals. Billie not wanting to eat to much was considered nonsense and her Nai Nai forcing her to take a bite was an adorable moment.

I loved this film. It’s family-centric. It’s both funny and deep. It made me smile far more then it made me cry. When I did cry I was sobbing like a baby only to find out that I didn’t need to cry at all.

Movies like this always make me want to hold close to those I love and to hold close to life itself. Life isn’t about the painful moments, but how you choose to live fully in spite of them. I highly recommend this film. It’s one that would warm your heart.

Thanks for reading! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below.

-Till next time!

Videos that make me smile! 


So yesterday sucked and I just started feeling sick so I’m gonna share with you all some of the videos that make me happy, because I need them and sharing them feels good. 

Anwho watch some, Russian roulette it to see if you got the over 1 long video. Laugh some. Learn that Markiplier trying not to laugh is amazing and that his laugh is absolutely contagious. Have some joy. We all need some. We all deserve some too.

-Till next time! 

Special: A Short Story 


A smile. That was the spark of it. It was me and him alone in the hallway, I looked up took in his face, his lips lifted up and my heart skipped a beat. Than he left. I went to my locker, picked up the books I needed and headed home. 

It was all so normal. A moment that shouldn’t have crossed my mind after it was over. Yet I felt something, something warm. 

Years have past and I can tell you now that nothing came from it. Nate was a boy I had known years before that moment and he is a man that is a true friend today. I got close to him after that day. We shared jokes, studied for exams in groups, told each other secrets, and gave a little piece of hearts to one another,  but we were never romantic. My heart that had started to beat for him was broken. Nate wasn’t a man for dating, at least, not until much later. I think I fell for him a little more just because of that. He’d laugh to hear all this now, maybe I will share this story with him soon, but most likely that will never come to pass. 

In my heart he was perfect. There was never a moment where he didn’t try to make me smile. He was and still is the biggest goofball, my Nate (I say this platonically now of course).  He became attuned to me, always made sure I was doing well. We had our seperate groups of course, but we became each other’s best friends and we still are. I never told him how I felt, I knew he had a soft spot for Lydia a mutual friend, though she had eyes for Marchel who she called, “Quietly handsome” something I would agree with, though we all know who I had eyes for. 

Nate never told Lydia that he liked her, when she finally confessed to Marchel and started dating him Nate confided in me. “I never seem to luck out do I?” 

He had looked so broken then, “I am happy she found a good guy though, Marchel would never hurt her. She derserves the best, even if the best doesn’t happen to be me.” He smiled.

This time that smile broke my heart. I knew in that moment, I could never tell him how I felt. I could never say how his emotion mirrored my own. No matter my feelings, Nate deserves the best too. Somehow, I also knew, that that person was never going to be me. 

I don’t think you can ever fall out of love with someone, not really. There is always a piece of you that stays with them. I eventually dated, there was Mark, Philip, Sean, and then Robert. I never stayed with anyone for long, well, except for Philip. I thought Philip could have been the one, a year and a half in and he cheated on me. I guess I too never have much luck in love. My heart still beats a little faster to see Nate’s smile. I know now I love it because when he smiles at you, you feel special, like your the only one that matters in that moment. I’m not his special someone. I’m now a loyal friend. Maybe one day a heart will beat fast to my own smile. Maybe one day they will be special to me. Maybe I will become special to them. 

Thanks for reading! This was a Valentines Day inspired short story. I have never dated anyone (or kissed for that matter) but I have fallen before and I wanted to see that kind of story represented. This story has a little slice of cheese, but I think that’s quite alright for the season. I hope you all have a lovely February!

Let me know what you think in the comments. How do you feel about the story? Are you interested in more short stories in the future? 

-Till next time!