This blog fills me with unbridled hope and a desire to be the person I once was. Through this back and forth of starting and failing and starting and failing again and again and again I realized that my stress response is to freeze because there feels like nothing else I can do. I have learned that understanding this feeling and responding to it kindly allows me to get back up and try again.
Through this I understand too I can never be the person I once was. I have evolved. I have lived more life. I have discovered new things to love and new ways I wish for things to be. I have loved deeply and I have lost deeply. I have tried. That’s an important bit, I have tried. I have a great desire for peace in my life and peace in my relationships. Things that have worked. Things that have failed miserably and made me miserable.
My mental health is a constant battle because I face the same core things everyday and even if I know they will someday change right now it’s hard to face it all every day. However, I do do it. I do try. Ultimately through it all I am drawn back here.
So once again I’m going to get back up and try again. I will not pressure myself as far as what I post about. What makes me happy to speak on at any given time is what’s right for me to speak on in that moment.
Right now my focus is on what brings me great joy. Whether that be a game, a anime, a tv show, or a book that is what I want most to give my attention to. So over the next few days expect some fun posts about things that make me happy and that I’m very proud of.
To keep this up I’m going to promise myself to get up at 7 every day. I will do my best to avoid unproductive arguments as much as possible. I will do my best to express myself in a way that I feel good about it. To roll with the storms and allow myself to have as much internal peace as possible.
Life can try to bring me down as much as it wants, but I’m going to do my best to thrive within it. To connect and discover more joy. To not overwhelm myself and flow with what comes and do what needs to be done when I need to. I will take things step by step and start to excel instead of struggle.
Through all of this I will just keep becoming a better and better more well-rounded person who values herself and her joy and promotes that in others too. In life that’s all I really want to strive for.
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