New Beginning

Yesterday, I had a depressive episode. It felt like everything I wanted to do I couldn’t do for one reason or another. That my life was full of stresses at every turn and I could not handle any more of it. So many of my goals I’ve wanted to achieve I’ve let go of because life just is so much right now. Every turn another obstacle to face. Another thing that made me want to turn into myself and just watch something funny or play a game for hours to just feel that bit of relief.

I have bottled up my emotions for so long that last night it tipped over and I broke down. However, I know my life is in my hands. That I can chose to take a new path. Hit the reset button. Go another way. So that’s what I’m going to do.

I’m going to prioritize the things I’ve been wanting to do for ages. Reading, writing, exercise, but also maintaining a place in my mind of well-being. To make sure I’m taking care of my mental health and actually enjoying what I can of life.

The past few months have been all about that enjoyment, but in between that, the moments I’d forget. The moments my mind remembered that stuff is hard. That I’m living a life where things could change completely and flip me around again in a moments notice. That one day I’ll wake up and my dad will no longer be here. Which has been the route of a lot of the sadness I’ve been feeling. Watching my dad deteriorate more and more all the time.

Yet, I want to live a good and happy life. I want to show my family that I can create something wonderful for myself. To write something I’d be excited to read. To inspire others to follow their passions. To be an uplifter whether that’s in my home or walking in a grocery store or having a small interaction online.

So today and the next and the next will be my new beginnings. My next chance to do what I’ve intended to do with passion and with love. I want things to be better in all aspects of my life. To have the timing of a dancer moving from one moment to the next with a sense of joy. I don’t just want to take action through life with a sense of obligation. I want to take action with fervor. With joy and with excitement. With a sense of ease.

So that’s what I’m going to do. To let go of the sense that I’m doing things out of obligation. But, to take action in a feeling of love. That starts here in this moment, writing this post, with that feeling that I can do this. That I can be a person who lives with joy in their hearts in spite of the hard stuff. To handle those things and give love to them as well. To cry when I need to but not let it define me and stop me from living a life of vibrancy.

So to the many of you who’ve been reading my blog for a long time and who seen me disappear and reappear again and again, I can say that I am finally back. Fully and truly back. This blog has brought to me some of the most amazing moments of my life. It’s where I’ve felt the most like I do in this moment. Fully alive. Fully enjoying the things I love and getting excited and sharing these moments with all of you.

Thank you all of you for reading! I truly appreciate every one of you. There is so much more to come and I can’t wait to share all that’s in store in the coming days, weeks, and months. It’ll be a blast!

Places to donate to Trans communities:

Trans Equality 

The Trevor Project

Transgender Law Center 

Some BLM resources: 

Link to bail funds to donate to!

Link to petitions to sign! 

Link to a video to watch if you can’t donate!

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Checkout The Book Raven Poetry Instagramand Twitter

Check out the Sisters of Twilight website.

Coming Back to Blogging

I have written this post more times then I could count in the past. When my life changes I continually feel the need to step inward and quietly come to understand and grow on my own. Yet, I always have found great value in being open online. Sharing my experiences and thoughts on stories, films, current issues, and my life. I’ve missed being on here. So, yes I am returning and this time I imagine I’m here to stay for a good long time.

Someone important in my life told me all I need to do is start and this is me doing just that starting. I have abandoned many things I love in recent times out of a fear. A fear that I’m not good enough. That I don’t deserve to try and be the person I want to be and do the things I want to do. A fear that I’m going to get things wrong. But the truth is I am going to get things wrong at time and I am going to mess up, but my passion for writing. My passion for telling stories that will never leave me.

Life is but a tiny spec of dust in the grand scheme of the universe. I want to make the most use of my tiny spec. There’s life and beauty in even the smallest of creatures in existence. I want to live life as fully as I can. With as much joy as I can.

This is a part of that joy. Discussing books. Promoting authors. Talking about writing and the journey of it. It’s a wonderful thing. So here I am again. Just me, my phone, and many many thoughts. I’m back and it feels so good to be.

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below! 

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Places to donate to Trans communities:

Trans Equality 

The Trevor Project

Transgender Law Center 

Some BLM resources: 

Link to bail funds to donate to!

Link to petitions to sign! 

Link to a video to watch if you can’t donate!

Check out my Instagram and Twitter

Check out The Book Raven Poetry website

Checkout The Book Raven Poetry Instagramand Twitter

Check out the Sisters of Twilight website.

If you love my content and wish to offer me extra support by me a Kofi on my donation page!

Happy Mother’s Day!

Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers out there! I hope you are having a wonderful and joyous day.

It’s rare for me to get a picture with my mom so this is a special treat from her birthday in February. She is a strong woman in mind and in spirit. I see a lot of that willfulness in myself being raised by her. I love when she laughs and complains about something in a childlike voice. Or when she picks on me when I go to hug her till I laugh.

She always makes sure that me and my sister are taken care of and I appreciate that about her very much. She has a beautiful soul. I love her very much.

I hope everyone is enjoying Mother’s Day in whatever way you all enjoy it within your families. Weather with it’s with your actual mother or just an important woman in your life that you know deserves to be celebrated.

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below! 

Check out my Instagram and Twitter

Check out The Book Raven Poetry website

Checkout The Book Raven Poetry Instagramand Twitter

Check out the Sisters of Twilight website.

Reclaiming Authenticity: What this Year has been About for me so Far

It’s only been four months into 2020 and so much in my life has changed. Things I thought were real turned out to be lies. I’ve found myself growing more friendships then I have in my entire life. Found someone really special that I care about very much. Learned so much about myself and healed so much that I didn’t realize was still hurting me.

Then, this weekend Y’all West happened and I realized just how much I’ve missed books. I hadn’t felt that passion for books and the community and reading and writing in ages. I felt freed once more. Last year was one where I was in deep pain and I felt like nothing mattered at all and I was desperate to just take care of myself. Now, now I feel like I’m ready to move forward again. To be myself again to the full extent that I was always meant to.

It’s been so crazy because I’ve had to face my fears so head on with all that’s come to pass with Quarantine and my dad being at risk with his cancer and just that fear when I went to the store no longer having a car only able to carry what we had in our hands and seeing almost nothing we could use for food on the shelves. I panic messaged my partner in crime and he helped me stay sane in the face of such insanity.

I’ve realized that this year has been all about reclaiming the heart of who I am again. Realizing that I am capable and that I can deal with the difficulties and not make them define who I am. That I can let things go and find ways to be authentic to who I am and my wants and not feel guilty for wanting them.

I couldn’t read or write for so long cause it was such a deep reminder of pain and I couldn’t deal with it. The end of last year I reclaimed my happiness. Now it’s time to reclaim my passion and my authenticity. I know myself very well. Taking a year of just thinking and wondering and you end up learning more about yourself then you ever knew.

My day to day path forward is now so clear to me. I feel so much better and so much more capable then I’ve ever felt. I feel like I can be myself. That I can do what I need to to be happy. To tell stories again. My heart is literally soaring right now. I feel so amazed to be here. I’m just happy to be alive.

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below! 

Check out my Instagram and Twitter

Check out The Book Raven Poetry website

Checkout The Book Raven Poetry Instagramand Twitter

Check out the Sisters of Twilight website.

I’m Back Officially

At the moment I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. Everything is working out for me. Things I thought were issues are no longer issues. I’ve essentially been graced with a brand new beginning and I’m mentally in a very good place and I’m excited to move forward.

This means I’m going to be posting every day again. Yep, I’m back in full. This both feels long overdue, but also at the same time I’m coming back to things just at the time I need to. It’s just been time for me. Time for me to be myself, but the me that I’ve become and not just who I’ve always been.

I can’t believe that I’m standing here from where I once was. Someone that felt so lost so confused so hopeless. I built myself up again and suddenly everything fell back into place. I feel like I’ve been on a hell of a ride well for my whole life really. Now things will show up and I feel so much better because I know I can deal. I know I can make it through.

Being where I am now I know I can handle being productive again. I know I can create without worrying anymore. I know I have people in my life I can count on. I know that I’m going to be ok. That everything is going to turn out beautiful. It’s been so long since I’ve felt that way. Truly felt that way. Especially now that I have so much more knowing of what was then I ever have before.

I’m so appreciative of all of you that have been following this blog. Truly, so much of my life would be different without it. It’s changed my life. Been my strength when I needed it. My outlet when I didn’t know where to go or what else to do. It’s about time I’m truly back. I have so much that I want to create with this blog. I can’t wait to continue moving forward with it.

Thank you all so much for staying with me. I have so much more life to live and I can’t wait to share my journey with all of you. It’s gonna be a good one. I feel it in my bones.

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below! 

Check out my Instagram and Twitter

Check out The Book Raven Poetry website

Checkout The Book Raven Poetry Instagramand Twitter

Check out the Sisters of Twilight website.

Thank you Blogging Community

I’m so appreciative of being able to be a part of this community. Sometimes it’s nice just to sit down and write a post about the love I feel for this community.

What’s brought this on at this time is my Bojack Horseman post. I haven’t been posting regularly as much recently and yesterday’s post has been really wonderfully received.

I started this blog as a book blog and as my life has shifted so has what I’ve posted about. I feel like I can be totally myself with blogging. That I don’t have to stay in one area that as my interests shift so can what I post about. It’s a really wonderful thing. I appreciate all of you reading this for that.

I don’t know what this blog will become. I don’t know how I will continue to grow and change as a person, but knowing that I will always be supported along the way is amazing.

Thanks to all of you. Blogging is such a joy for me. The response from yesterday’s post was a reminder of that. I can’t wait to keep posting and see what fresh and new things are on the horizon for me.

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below! 

Check out my Instagram and Twitter

Check out The Book Raven Poetry website

Checkout The Book Raven Poetry Instagramand Twitter

Check out the Sisters of Twilight website.

I Am Returning

I have spent the last two weeks just having a lot of fun. I haven’t been blogging at all because I’ve been wanting to soak up all that January was for me. I’ve been happy. Happier then I have been a long time.

I’ve gone out with friends and played games into the night. I’ve laughed more then I have in what feels like forever. I’m experiencing so much more from life and it feels like everything is changing in my life for the better. So for a while I wanted to put aside responsibility that was outside my work and just have fun.

Blogging is wonderful and you all mean the world to me. It has been a saving grace from when I was suffering. I am not suffering anymore. I’m happy and I feel free. I’ve been milking that feeling for all it’s worth.

I am coming back to blogging because it is something I’m passionate about. Sharing all that I love and all that I care about. Nerding out about my favorite tv shows and movies, and getting excited about new books. Sometimes a good break filled with good things is what you need to remind you of why you love doing what you do in the first place.

I love writing. I love being myself and knowing that the right readers will come to find and enjoy what I wrote. I love blogging and sharing my thoughts and feelings about things and having conversations with fellow bloggers and book lovers about the fandoms we love.

It saved me from getting too far deep into depression at one point. Helped me to let go of pain. Helped me to see the kind of person I am and who I am becoming. I appreciate this community like I do no other.

I’m happy to be coming back. I feel fantastic about coming back in such a positive way. My January was amazing. I know this year is going to be one of the best I’ve ever had.

So I’m ready. I’m ready to see what amazing things I can create and do in the rest of 2020. I know it’s going to be a blast.

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below! 

Check out my Instagram and Twitter

Check out The Book Raven Poetry website

Checkout The Book Raven Poetry Instagramand Twitter

Growing Into A New Mentality

I think that after a year of much spiritual and mental growth it’s time for a new era. An era of happy. I’m ready to be happy. To do me and live my life as free as I can.

This year has started off better then I could’ve imagined. I have so much to be joyful about and so much I just want to enjoy. Knowing I have all the time in the world to enjoy it is wonderful.

I’ve let go of so much. I’m learning to create a new story. I’m learning to give up old patterns and I’ve seen today that I’m still on the way to it. Which is ok. I’m fine with being on my way to everything that I desire. I know that’s how it will be all my life. I’m enjoying now immensely and that’s all that really matters.

I’m still growing into this mentality. Still learning to not push back so much. Learning to be me irregardless of who others are. I’m getting better and better at it everyday. I’m learning that holding on to anything negative at all solves no problems and that letting them go and creating positivity leads to more and more positivity.

I know that growing into this mentality will have some push back from others. Mostly because I’m coming to believe that everything will really be ok. “Reality” as many will want to point out can be sucky, but I wanna focus on the good parts. I know that I’ve done so much of focusing on the negative for way too long.

These past few days in general have been particularly wonderful. I want to focus on that. I want to focus on good times with friends. Wonderful conversations. Knowing that we’re all growing together. I’ve felt really peaceful these past few days. Really calm. Full of knowing. I feel so much clarity.

That’s all of what 2020 will be for me. Happy, full of love, hope for the future, and lots of good times. I can’t believe how good the year has started. I can’t wait to see all the rest that’s in store.

I know things are getting better and better. I’m going to enjoy this life of mine. It’s going to be beautiful.

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below! 

Check out my Instagram and Twitter

Check out The Book Raven Poetry website

Checkout The Book Raven Poetry Instagramand Twitter

January 2020 Goals

I have very few goals for this month and all are pretty straightforward, but the biggest and the main one is to have as much fun as possible. Whatever I’m doing, I’m just going to have fun. I’ve learned how to do this at work and everywhere I go and my happiness has improved so much because of it.

My other goals are

1. To save at least $20 towards buying a fold out piano because I want to learn to play piano

2. To write 10,000 words towards a writing project.

3. To learn some sort of dance choreography/ tutting

That’s it. Everything else is just to have fun. I don’t know what it’s going to look like. I don’t really mind what form it takes. I just want to start off my 2020 having fun.

I’m so excited for the new year! It’s going to be fantastic. I’m smiling now as I write this. I have this feeling in my bones that this year is going to be just wonderful. I can’t wait!

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below! This post is a day late. I got a little sidetracked yesterday, but I hope you all enjoyed it anyway! 

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Check out The Book Raven Poetry website

Checkout The Book Raven Poetry Instagramand Twitter

Check out the Wolfe Creek Candle website and Instagram!

I Welcome 2020!

I am so excited for the new year! I can’t really describe it. I’m so joyful in where I’m at that I’m just happy and excited knowing that the best that the world has to offer will come in the new year. I felt that way at work yesterday. I was suddenly this blissful happy person and I was excited. It felt like I’d taken a pill or something, but I hadn’t. I just felt really good.

I know 2020 is going to be an incredible year, because I feel so good right now. That and that it will be my dominate wish for the new year and every year after to find and experience as much joy as possible in each and every moment.

There is no real goal that I have set for 2020. I don’t really care for resolutions. Especially because they always seem to drop off pretty quickly. Plus, what you want for yourself is continually changing as you grow and change. So I don’t like to have a set thing that must happen in the new year.

However, I do want to set some sort of arbitrary goal each month. To learn something new or to do something fun that I hadn’t yet tried. Also, to write. To set some obtainable writing goals and to have fun writing.

With writing sometimes I feel I get weird about it, because I expect too much of myself when it comes to writing. Yet, when I take some time to sit down and write the words flow. It’s always there and easy to tap into. It’s breaking through that initial wall that I’ve got to work on. So I’ll probably make some sort of goal around that.

Either way, I’ll be making a January goals post tomorrow that will be a little more detailed as far as what I want to do in that month. I’m just so excited! So excited to live life. To follow my joy. Ever since I first decided to do so it’s gotten easier and easier and it feels incredible!

I wish everyone the best possible year ahead you can have. I wish you all the greatest happiness you can muster in the new year. I wish everyone to feel as good as possible in the new year.

In this moment I feel such joy, love, and warmth in my heart. I’m so excited to dance, play, and have fun in the new year. It’s going to be the best yet!

Welcome to 2020! Cheers to a year to remember! A year of transformation. A year where we live the life we’ve always wanted to live!

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below! 

Check out my Instagram and Twitter

Check out The Book Raven Poetry website

Checkout The Book Raven Poetry Instagramand Twitter

Check out the Wolfe Creek Candle website and Instagram!