January 2020 Goals

I have very few goals for this month and all are pretty straightforward, but the biggest and the main one is to have as much fun as possible. Whatever I’m doing, I’m just going to have fun. I’ve learned how to do this at work and everywhere I go and my happiness has improved so much because of it.

My other goals are

1. To save at least $20 towards buying a fold out piano because I want to learn to play piano

2. To write 10,000 words towards a writing project.

3. To learn some sort of dance choreography/ tutting

That’s it. Everything else is just to have fun. I don’t know what it’s going to look like. I don’t really mind what form it takes. I just want to start off my 2020 having fun.

I’m so excited for the new year! It’s going to be fantastic. I’m smiling now as I write this. I have this feeling in my bones that this year is going to be just wonderful. I can’t wait!

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below! This post is a day late. I got a little sidetracked yesterday, but I hope you all enjoyed it anyway! 

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I Welcome 2020!

I am so excited for the new year! I can’t really describe it. I’m so joyful in where I’m at that I’m just happy and excited knowing that the best that the world has to offer will come in the new year. I felt that way at work yesterday. I was suddenly this blissful happy person and I was excited. It felt like I’d taken a pill or something, but I hadn’t. I just felt really good.

I know 2020 is going to be an incredible year, because I feel so good right now. That and that it will be my dominate wish for the new year and every year after to find and experience as much joy as possible in each and every moment.

There is no real goal that I have set for 2020. I don’t really care for resolutions. Especially because they always seem to drop off pretty quickly. Plus, what you want for yourself is continually changing as you grow and change. So I don’t like to have a set thing that must happen in the new year.

However, I do want to set some sort of arbitrary goal each month. To learn something new or to do something fun that I hadn’t yet tried. Also, to write. To set some obtainable writing goals and to have fun writing.

With writing sometimes I feel I get weird about it, because I expect too much of myself when it comes to writing. Yet, when I take some time to sit down and write the words flow. It’s always there and easy to tap into. It’s breaking through that initial wall that I’ve got to work on. So I’ll probably make some sort of goal around that.

Either way, I’ll be making a January goals post tomorrow that will be a little more detailed as far as what I want to do in that month. I’m just so excited! So excited to live life. To follow my joy. Ever since I first decided to do so it’s gotten easier and easier and it feels incredible!

I wish everyone the best possible year ahead you can have. I wish you all the greatest happiness you can muster in the new year. I wish everyone to feel as good as possible in the new year.

In this moment I feel such joy, love, and warmth in my heart. I’m so excited to dance, play, and have fun in the new year. It’s going to be the best yet!

Welcome to 2020! Cheers to a year to remember! A year of transformation. A year where we live the life we’ve always wanted to live!

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below! 

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My Thoughts on 2019

Words cannot express how happy I am with where I am in life right now. 2019 started off absolutely terribly. I was not in a good mental health state. I hope was hurting deeply and all I wanted was happiness for myself and everyone involved in the situation that occurred then.

However, because that occurred and because I got so upset with the fact that all I wanted was to feel joy and that I wanted to feel that alongside the people that I love and that I wasn’t living that at the time it allowed me to choose differently for myself. It allowed me to see myself for who I really am. Someone who loves so incredibly deeply and with every inch of her soul. Something that meant that I knew what it was to love unconditionally and that I needed to turn that love inward so that I could live that in my everyday life.

This year was defined by that decision. It took so many inward conversations. So much patience for myself. So much self-soothing and self-care. Then, day after day one improvement became several and it grew and grew to where I no longer felt depression or anxiety period. I gently soothed my depression and anxiety out of existence.

Needless to say I am so proud of myself. So proud of this reality I am now living. One where I have made my joy and my relationship with myself to be the number one most important thing in my life. That by doing so I have created in myself a joyous person all the time. So much so that it is noticeable by those around me.

Doing this allows me to be the wholeness that I am with all who I am with. It lets everyone off the hook of having to be a certain way or do a certain thing in order for me to be happy. I just am. It is the gift I will give to every friend I have. Every coworker and every family member. It will be the gift I give to my significant other in the future. The gift of me taking responsibility for creating my own joy and following it and not making anyone be my excuse to not be happy.

One of my deepest wishes for all human beings is for everyone to experience the fullness of joy that they possibly can for themselves. It is why I have started walking this path of my own joy. Because it would be the greatest gift I could give to myself and everyone in my life would benefit from it.

It is something that is never done, because there is always more and more fun to be had and more and more fun ready to be realized, but to have realized this by the end of the year and to have changed so deeply from it is incredible to me.

I can’t say how much I’ve experienced more fun and more good things just from appreciating every moment of fun and everything that brings me joy in the moment they are there. 2019 has been the set up for what I know will be the best year of my life in 2020. I have no idea what it will look like or what will be in store, but I know that my life is going to continue to change and I can’t wait to embrace it!

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below!

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Books of Christmas Past

Last year, I did not receive any books for Christmas. Typically this boat talks about just that, but last year was a tough Christmas for me, but all that happened then has turned into a blessing for me.

See I was in no position to even really feel enjoyment with books or much of anything in general. The contrast to how I feel now in this moment is incredible. I have changed so much this year and I achieved the ultimate goal that I’ve had for the entirety of my life. Which is to no longer have depression or anxiety way on me. Especially the last three months, I’ve felt free of any sort of Depression or Anxiety.

I’m at a point where I’m happy all the time. I find enjoyment everywhere and life is wonderful all the time for me. After my birthday, I set out to write the best things that happened each day and I was so surprised and delighted to find these past 8 days have been absolutely incredible! I look back on this week and I think that I’d want to fill my life with as many wonderful and unique moments every single day into the future. It’s been incredible.

Mainly, what has changed is my beliefs about life. Which sounds bigger then it really is. I’ve just discovered that I can and should be responsible for my own happiness and that I’m good at it. I’m good at keeping myself happy. I’m good at finding things to think about that bring me joy. I’m good at allowing myself the things that create greater joy in my life. It’s an incredible thing.

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below! I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas Eve! Merry Christmas everyone!

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Today Was My Birthday! 🎈

Today I turned 21! Why I feel weird about it I’m not exactly sure. Maybe, I just being technically considered an official adult when I have the humor and sarcasm of a 14 year old boy. Or the fact that being 21 means I can buy alcohol and I could care less about that.

I don’t know. On one hand I’m in the amazing place in my life. I can feel so deeply that I’m about to start seeing some amazing things happen in my life and yet another part of me just wants to be a kid. Not that being an adult means that you have to discard all childish things. I’m never going to give up the lightness of joy I feel when I connect to the childish things of life.

Maybe it’s just my impression of being 21 and what being an adult means. In reality, I can make it whatever I want. Which is what I am going to do. So I’m going to forget about all the things about being 21 I don’t really care about and define it for myself.

As a 21 year old I’m going to have the most fun I’ve ever had in my life.

This last year being 20 I spent a majority well, all of that time cleaning up my mental health. I literally don’t have depression or anxiety anymore. It’s unreal. So, I’m proud as heck of 20 year old me. I got myself through the darkest most scared parts of my mind and gently coaxed it into being happy pretty much all of the time. Which is honestly, the best present I’ve ever given myself ever. I didn’t kick depressions ass. I soothed depressions heart. I soothed it out of existence and that’s the most incredible thing I’ve ever done ever.

So that means 21 year old me gets to enjoy herself. She gets to live out one of the happiest years of life so far (I intend to continue the increased happy years). She gets to enjoy waking up being excited about the day. She gets to know that everything is always working out for her. She gets to feel good about herself. She gets to experiment with makeup and expressing herself because she finds it fun. She gets to have so much fun.

I am so excited for this next year in my life. I have evolved so much and I feel so much trust in myself and in the universe and I have this feeling, this inner knowing, that this next year is going to be filled with so much more to be joyous about then I can imagine! Every moment I am embodying more and more to be the woman that I desire to be. So whatever happens this year I’m ready.

I had fun today. I may have had to work, but I had a wonderful breakfast and an awesome vanilla latte and my mom actually surprised me with a gift of nail polish and an eyeshadow as I’ve been interested in playing with makeup recently and I always wear nail polish. I know I’m probably not going to wear it everyday. I just want to have fun with it and I feel that’s worth exploring.

Thank you all for reading! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below!

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My Christmas Playlist!

I love music and dancing. I love listening to good music almost more then anything else. I listen to so much music and so much variety of music that most turn up a brow when they know I’m that small percentage of people who max out the Spotify limit and makes a ginormous playlist instead of liking songs, because it doesn’t let me like them anymore because I’ve liked way too many.

This year I shared with all of you my Halloween playlist and since then that playlist has grown as my playlists always do, but that just means I have new music to share for next year!

However, this post is about my Christmas playlist! I have some classics, some new songs, but all the joyful songs of the season! I made sure that my Christmas playlist was as positive as possible. Music that makes me feel alive. Music that makes me dance and sing and feel joy. I love that having played this at my work that my coworkers and I have had some good laughs dancing along to the music and that it’s been such a good time.

This Christmas is going to be one of my favorites. I can feel that deep in my heart. It’s started off with a bang and I’m excited for all that the season will bring.

On to the music!!

Thank you all for reading! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below!

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Till next time!

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Thanksgiving Gratitude Post

This year Thanksgiving feels different to me. I used to not care for it so much because I wasn’t always where I wanted to be for the holiday and it would always be awkward and with food I never cared for. This year. This year I realize I am where I want to be.

I’m at a time in my life where I’m excited. Excited about the future. Excited about all the amazing things that have seem to start pouring into my life lately. I’ve been feeling good far more often and my perception on life has changed immensely.

Also, the food this year was great! I enjoyed all of it and that’s the first time I’ve ever felt that. I find that a lot of traditional thanksgiving food is just not for me.

On another note, I feel deeply that I’m on the precipice of something big in my life changing. Something beautiful and happy. It’s been so strong in my mind for the past couple of months and with each passing day I feel it stronger still.

Maybe it’s not even one thing in my life that I feel is on the edge of changing. I once again feel so deeply myself more and more and I’m following my joy. This has lead me to writing again. It’s lead me to trying out makeup for the fun of it. It’s lead me to taking better care of my body and feeling good about what I wear and my body in general. It’s lead me to rest free on days I feel compelled to without judgement. I feel free and knowing that I did that for myself is so mind blowing and wonderful to me.

I know what it’s like to go through a deep depression. I know what thought spiraling yourself into a hole feels like. To have loved myself enough to free myself of that and feel fucking amazing every day is incredible. I’m so proud of the woman I have become. Someone who honors herself. Someone who cares about herself enough to let go of thoughts that bring her sadness and to start focusing on all the good that life has to offer. I did that. I’m not in the trenches fighting a war with my own mind anymore. I’m happy. If that’s not something to be grateful for then I don’t know what is.

Then, there’s the basic things I’m grateful for. Great music to dance to. That video of any animal on my feed. A great book to read. Seeing people happy and laughing with one another. Seeing random acts of kindness. Doing something that brings someone else a moment of joy. Having a place to sleep, eat, and shower at. Having a job. The coffee I’m drinking now at 12:24 am even though it is probably way too late for coffee. Having a tooth brush and toilet paper. Having the phone I’m typing on right now.

I’m in a place in my life of extreme gratitude. 2019 for me has been a year of learning and becoming the kind of woman I always wanted to be. It’s been a year of overcoming and going from barely just existing for a while to truly thriving. But most of all from living in fear to taking that fear and blowing it up in flames and replacing it all with things to be joyous about. Going from worrying about if I even deserve happiness to knowing I deserve the best of all that is. So much so that I am fully responsible for my own joy and happiness regardless of what is happening in my life.

I have transformed this year. If nothing else that’s the best gift I’ve ever given to myself.

Thank you all for reading! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below! What are you grateful for?

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I Am Excited!!!

I’m in a different place in my life. I’ve had posts before where I felt this excitement in bursts. Posts where I was feeling happy and I was just grateful to have felt that way after so much hurt. I’ve talked about feeling so proud of myself, because I did it! I brought my own mind out from the pit hole it was in and re-evaluated everything to the death and prioritized myself and made sure I was ok.

I did that. Yes people were there for me. But, at the end of the day I was so depressed that I couldn’t even register those who were in my corner or not. But, I let myself feel. I let myself get out all that pain that was built inside and I slowly re-started my life and took things day by day and now I’m here. I’m excited! So excited for life and all that life has in store for my future.

The past few weeks have been the most consistent I’ve been in maintaining my joy and allowing and trusting that good things are coming and that they are happening in my life and they have been. Right now I feel like I’m at the cusp of something amazing and life changing in my life. I’ve felt that consistently for a while now. I feel like all of a sudden I’m going to turn around and everything in my life will be completely changed.

To be completely honest, I haven’t felt this way since I first was speaking with and getting to know my ex. Every single moment with him in my life had this feeling of goodness. This feeling that I’m feeling right now. I hope that wherever he is that he feels that too. That he’s happy and feeling good about life and feeling excited for his future. I never felt this sort of excitement on a day to day bases before him and feeling it now with my life in a completely different place is a true and undeniable blessing.

If any of you have ever heard it the song “I wish you well” it’s the sentiment I have. Maybe not all the lyrics exactly, but definitely the I wish you well part. Not just for him, but for everyone! I wish everyone to live their best lives doing things they love and doing it with people they love weather that’s romantically, familially, with friends, or co-workers. I just wish you all so much wellness. Whatever that means to you.

I was hard on myself for so many months. But, through that fire I learned so so much about myself. I’ve grown so much and I feel nothing, but love in my heart. I’m having fun in my life now. I’m taking everyday as an opportunity to learn something new or to do something I always wanted to. Weather that’s playing with makeup or being able to ask for something when I want it or actually buying that sweater I’ve had my eye on. I’m having fun in my life. I’m following whatever brings me the most joy and having fun.

I have some fun plans for the Christmas season and I’m getting into the Christmas mood seemingly way too early. But, for now I’m getting sleepy so I’m going to wrap this stuff up now.

Thank you. Truly thank you! For reading, for commenting, and for being a part of my journey. It means the world to me.

Thank you all for reading! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below!

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My 3rd Blogoversery!!!!

This is my 3rd blogoversery. Officially I’ve been blogging for over 3 years! It’s been an incredible journey and I can’t say how incredibly it has changed my life.

Blogging has been my anchor in what was the most difficult period of my life. It was my something to do to pull myself above water and to take responsibility for my own happiness and health.

Through blogging I had a place to discuss my moods and my depression and through that I started to see what triggered it and how to find a way out. It helped me sit one on one with my anxiety and how I couldn’t continue on the way I was before. I learned how to flip the script in my mind to appreciate what I had in front of me. To honor my wants and desires and to let go of everything not in my control.

What I blog about and how often I do so has changed much. I do the best I can when I can. But, if I don’t feel like it that day or didn’t have the time I let that be ok. So many of you have stuck with me for so long. Some of you I’ve talked to personally about some of the more difficult things that have happened. Doing so has helped me immensely and I am grateful to those of you who know who you are.

I can’t say enough how amazing it is to be in a better place now mentally, physically, and emotionally. That is to say I still have bad days, but they don’t dictate my life. I’m human. I’ve learned to hold onto the good and let go of all the rest. The amount of good that has come from that choice has been infinite and I know that an infinite of good is what’s out there for me.

To every single person who follows and reads my content, Thank you! If anything I’ve ever said has made you smile or think a little deeper or helped you in any way whatsoever I’ve done my job as a blogger. Thank you all for being there. You have truly changed my life!

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Real Talk

I know I do this a lot. But, for me it’s the easiest way to process a lot of the stuff that’s going through my mind. As well as sharing my process into becoming the best version of myself I can be, because I think that’s helpful. To hear about healing and growth from someone who is still figuring stuff out.

Also, to know that you shouldn’t have to figure everything out at once. I feel like we all put so much pressure on ourselves to be one way or another, but it’s all not necessary. If we all just do the best we can at a moment. Even if our best is simply showing ourselves a little self-care then that’s golden!

Im my life I’m proud that I’ve gotten to a place where I’m more often happy then not. Honestly, a majority of my life wasn’t like that and it wasn’t my fault. I’ve realized a lot of things that I thought were terrible parts of me aren’t actually so terrible.. just human. This isn’t to say I don’t make myself accountable for mistakes I made, but I no longer define who I am by my mistakes. I course correct. I remind myself to do my best in every situation and to be kind and I move forward.

But, more recently I’ve added be happy to that too. To follow anything that adds to my happiness. And the weird thing is I’ve realized that people actually prefer me happy. That might be a weird thing, but in my mind I didn’t really think people much cared or noticed if I was happy or not, but they do. It’s also interesting that the happier I am the more blessings that follow. The other day I found a 5 dollar bill on the floor and no one else seemed to see it. My coworkers often offer to share food with me (which is a thing in itself.. I swear people always offer me food). A random customer gave me one of the perfume samples she got after I complimented her perfume. I’ve also had more coffee in the past few weeks then I’ve had in my whole life.

It’s like being happy=more things to be happy about. I’m not complaining. It’s opened a whole new world before me. The past few days I’ve sorta been not focusing on it as much as I should only because I’ve been working so much. But, talking here is helping me to refocus and think about how things are working out in a beautiful way even if I can’t see how in various situations yet. Sometimes there are blessings that come from the shadows and your perceptive shifts in an instant and everything changes.

Anyway, I’m headed to sleep, but this was a nice little thought bubble post. Your input is much appreciated.

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