Watching Bojack Horseman: Season 1

This show is one of those shows that you watch and it changes you. It’s so real. Hits so hard with what actually happens in real life yet with such absurd imagery that you can’t call watching it any sort of form of escapism. If your watching this show your facing some hard truths. That’s all I can say.

Bojack started his career on a show called Horsin’ Around. One of those adorable family tv series we’ve all grown up watching. After that Bojack lost his way. He hasn’t done much since then and he fills up his emptiness by keeping around him a few people that he cares about.

For one princess caroline his agent. She is his on again off again girlfriend, but most of all she’s always there and does what she can to further his career.

There’s Todd, Bojack’s roommate and closest friend. Bojack tries to keep him a bit codependent which isn’t healthy, but the show really isn’t about showing what a healthy relationship looks like.

Then there is Diane, the girl Bojack loves. She’s in a relationship with a guy he really doesn’t care for Mr. Peanutbutter. Yet, they spend a lot of time together because she becomes the ghostwriter to write about Bojack’s life.

A part of the show is where Bojack is trying to get Mr. Peanutbutter and Diane to break up. Instead his antics end up pushing them further together.

But, the show is about Bojack. The life he’s created for himself and his inner struggle with being a man who isn’t happy and isn’t who he wants to be. He is a portrait of depression. What it does and the actions we take as humans when we are doing are best to take steps away from it. But, also the steps we take under its influence.

One thing I do have to say though is that while living with depression it is all of that. It colors everything in a way that isn’t what it really is. Who Bojack has become because of his depression isn’t all he could be. Yet sometimes, when your stuck and that’s all you see you can’t step away from it enough to acknowledge that. Then the problem perpetuates.

This show is brilliant. Incredibly well styled. Dark in great ways. Yet, it shows that bit of hope that Bojack carries with him. I’m excited to watch the next season and see where the story goes. It is quite the story.

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below! 

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Growing Into A New Mentality

I think that after a year of much spiritual and mental growth it’s time for a new era. An era of happy. I’m ready to be happy. To do me and live my life as free as I can.

This year has started off better then I could’ve imagined. I have so much to be joyful about and so much I just want to enjoy. Knowing I have all the time in the world to enjoy it is wonderful.

I’ve let go of so much. I’m learning to create a new story. I’m learning to give up old patterns and I’ve seen today that I’m still on the way to it. Which is ok. I’m fine with being on my way to everything that I desire. I know that’s how it will be all my life. I’m enjoying now immensely and that’s all that really matters.

I’m still growing into this mentality. Still learning to not push back so much. Learning to be me irregardless of who others are. I’m getting better and better at it everyday. I’m learning that holding on to anything negative at all solves no problems and that letting them go and creating positivity leads to more and more positivity.

I know that growing into this mentality will have some push back from others. Mostly because I’m coming to believe that everything will really be ok. “Reality” as many will want to point out can be sucky, but I wanna focus on the good parts. I know that I’ve done so much of focusing on the negative for way too long.

These past few days in general have been particularly wonderful. I want to focus on that. I want to focus on good times with friends. Wonderful conversations. Knowing that we’re all growing together. I’ve felt really peaceful these past few days. Really calm. Full of knowing. I feel so much clarity.

That’s all of what 2020 will be for me. Happy, full of love, hope for the future, and lots of good times. I can’t believe how good the year has started. I can’t wait to see all the rest that’s in store.

I know things are getting better and better. I’m going to enjoy this life of mine. It’s going to be beautiful.

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below! 

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I Welcome 2020!

I am so excited for the new year! I can’t really describe it. I’m so joyful in where I’m at that I’m just happy and excited knowing that the best that the world has to offer will come in the new year. I felt that way at work yesterday. I was suddenly this blissful happy person and I was excited. It felt like I’d taken a pill or something, but I hadn’t. I just felt really good.

I know 2020 is going to be an incredible year, because I feel so good right now. That and that it will be my dominate wish for the new year and every year after to find and experience as much joy as possible in each and every moment.

There is no real goal that I have set for 2020. I don’t really care for resolutions. Especially because they always seem to drop off pretty quickly. Plus, what you want for yourself is continually changing as you grow and change. So I don’t like to have a set thing that must happen in the new year.

However, I do want to set some sort of arbitrary goal each month. To learn something new or to do something fun that I hadn’t yet tried. Also, to write. To set some obtainable writing goals and to have fun writing.

With writing sometimes I feel I get weird about it, because I expect too much of myself when it comes to writing. Yet, when I take some time to sit down and write the words flow. It’s always there and easy to tap into. It’s breaking through that initial wall that I’ve got to work on. So I’ll probably make some sort of goal around that.

Either way, I’ll be making a January goals post tomorrow that will be a little more detailed as far as what I want to do in that month. I’m just so excited! So excited to live life. To follow my joy. Ever since I first decided to do so it’s gotten easier and easier and it feels incredible!

I wish everyone the best possible year ahead you can have. I wish you all the greatest happiness you can muster in the new year. I wish everyone to feel as good as possible in the new year.

In this moment I feel such joy, love, and warmth in my heart. I’m so excited to dance, play, and have fun in the new year. It’s going to be the best yet!

Welcome to 2020! Cheers to a year to remember! A year of transformation. A year where we live the life we’ve always wanted to live!

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below! 

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My Thoughts on 2019

Words cannot express how happy I am with where I am in life right now. 2019 started off absolutely terribly. I was not in a good mental health state. I hope was hurting deeply and all I wanted was happiness for myself and everyone involved in the situation that occurred then.

However, because that occurred and because I got so upset with the fact that all I wanted was to feel joy and that I wanted to feel that alongside the people that I love and that I wasn’t living that at the time it allowed me to choose differently for myself. It allowed me to see myself for who I really am. Someone who loves so incredibly deeply and with every inch of her soul. Something that meant that I knew what it was to love unconditionally and that I needed to turn that love inward so that I could live that in my everyday life.

This year was defined by that decision. It took so many inward conversations. So much patience for myself. So much self-soothing and self-care. Then, day after day one improvement became several and it grew and grew to where I no longer felt depression or anxiety period. I gently soothed my depression and anxiety out of existence.

Needless to say I am so proud of myself. So proud of this reality I am now living. One where I have made my joy and my relationship with myself to be the number one most important thing in my life. That by doing so I have created in myself a joyous person all the time. So much so that it is noticeable by those around me.

Doing this allows me to be the wholeness that I am with all who I am with. It lets everyone off the hook of having to be a certain way or do a certain thing in order for me to be happy. I just am. It is the gift I will give to every friend I have. Every coworker and every family member. It will be the gift I give to my significant other in the future. The gift of me taking responsibility for creating my own joy and following it and not making anyone be my excuse to not be happy.

One of my deepest wishes for all human beings is for everyone to experience the fullness of joy that they possibly can for themselves. It is why I have started walking this path of my own joy. Because it would be the greatest gift I could give to myself and everyone in my life would benefit from it.

It is something that is never done, because there is always more and more fun to be had and more and more fun ready to be realized, but to have realized this by the end of the year and to have changed so deeply from it is incredible to me.

I can’t say how much I’ve experienced more fun and more good things just from appreciating every moment of fun and everything that brings me joy in the moment they are there. 2019 has been the set up for what I know will be the best year of my life in 2020. I have no idea what it will look like or what will be in store, but I know that my life is going to continue to change and I can’t wait to embrace it!

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below!

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Books of Christmas Present

This year I’ve had a wonderful Christmas! I got a myriad of presents that I really love and that I’m excited about using. My sister loved all the presents I got her and that was an awesome gift in itself.

I got five wonderful books this year! All books that I know I will one day enjoy reading.

Here they are:

The Miseducation of Cameron Post

The acclaimed book behind the 2018 Sundance Grand Jury Prize-winning movie

“LGBTQ cinema is out in force at Sundance Film Festival,” proclaimed USA Today. “The acerbic coming-of-age movie is adapted from Emily M. Danforth’s novel, and stars Chloë Grace Moretz as a lesbian teen who is sent to a gay conversion therapy center after she gets caught having sex with her friend on prom night.”

The Miseducation of Cameron Post is a stunning and provocative literary debut that was named to numerous best of the year lists.

When Cameron Post’s parents die suddenly in a car crash, her shocking first thought is relief. Relief they’ll never know that, hours earlier, she had been kissing a girl.

But that relief doesn’t last, and Cam is forced to move in with her conservative aunt Ruth and her well-intentioned but hopelessly old-fashioned grandmother. She knows that from this point on, her life will forever be different. Survival in Miles City, Montana, means blending in and leaving well enough alone, and Cam becomes an expert at both.

Then Coley Talor moves to town. Beautiful, pickup-driving Coley is a perfect cowgirl with the perfect boyfriend to match. She and Cam forge an unexpected and intense friendship, one that seems to leave room for something more to emerge. But just as that starts to seem like a real possibility, Aunt Ruth takes drastic action to “fix” her niece, bringing Cam face-to-face with the cost of denying her true self—even if she’s not quite sure who that is.”

My friend at work Daisy got this book for me. She had read it and enjoyed it and hoped that I’d enjoy it. I knew about this book previously and had wanted to read it so I’m exited to do so and share with her my thoughts.

The rest of the books I got were all from family:

Wayfarer

I’m not going to say what this book is about because it’s a second book and I have not read the first and I don’t want to spoil it for myself or anyone. I guess this means I’m buying Passenger sometime in the near future.

The Tiger and The Wolf

“Maniye’s father is the Wolf clan’s chieftain, but she’s an outcast. Her mother was queen of the Tiger and these tribes have been enemies for generations. Maniye also hides a deadly secret. All can shift into their clan’s animal form, but Maniye can take on tiger and wolf shapes. She refuses to disown half her soul, so escapes, rescuing a prisoner of the Wolf clan in the process. The killer Broken Axe is set on their trail, to drag them back for retribution. Maniye’s father plots to rule the north, and controlling his daughter is crucial to his schemes. However, other tribes also prepare for strife. Strangers from the far south appear too, seeking allies in their own conflict. It’s a season for omens as priests foresee danger, and a darkness falling across the land. Some say a great war is coming, overshadowing even Wolf ambitions. A time of testing and broken laws is near, but what spark will set the world ablaze?”

I know nothing about this book. I hadn’t heard of it before, but it does look interesting. It will be a wonderful surprise to read.

Furthermore

“Inspired by her childhood love of books like A Secret Garden and The Chronicles of Narnia, bestselling author Tahereh Mafi crafts a spellbinding new world where color is currency, adventure is inevitable, and friendship is found in the most unexpected places.

There are only three things that matter to twelve-year-old Alice Alexis Queensmeadow: Mother, who wouldn’t miss her; magic and color, which seem to elude her; and Father, who always loved her. The day Father disappears from Ferenwood he takes nothing but a ruler with him. But it’s been almost three years since then, and Alice is determined to find him. She loves her father even more than she loves adventure, and she’s about to embark on one to find the other. 

But bringing Father home is no small matter. In order to find him she’ll have to travel through the mythical, dangerous land of Furthermore, where down can be up, paper is alive, and left can be both right and very, very wrong. It will take all of Alice’s wits (and every limb she’s got) to find Father and return home to Ferenwood in one piece. On her quest to find Father, Alice must first find herself–and hold fast to the magic of love in the face of loss.”

I’ve been wanting to read some good middle grade and I don’t even think my mom realized that. I think she picked based off the cover which to me was a wise choice. The second I laid eyes on Furthermore I knew I wanted to read it! I’m so happy to have it on my shelves.

The Walls Around Us

“A #1 New York Times Bestseller “With evocative language, a shifting timeline and more than one unreliable narrator, Suma subtly explores the balance of power between the talented and the mediocre, the rich and the poor, the brave and the cowardly . . . To reveal more would be to uncover the bloody heart that beats beneath the floorboards of this urban-legend-tinged tale.” —The New York Times The Walls Around Us is a ghostly story of suspense told in two voices–one still living and one dead. On the outside, there’s Violet, an eighteen-year-old ballerina days away from the life of her dreams when something threatens to expose the shocking truth of her achievement. On the inside, within the walls of a girls’ juvenile detention center, there’s Amber, locked up for so long she can’t imagine freedom. Tying these two worlds together is Orianna, who holds the key to unlocking all the girls’ darkest mysteries: What really happened on the night Orianna stepped between Violet and her tormentors? What really happened on two strange nights at Aurora Hills? Will Amber and Violet and Orianna ever get the justice they deserve–in this life or in another one?”

This books is MAGICAL REALISM!!! One of my absolute favorite genres. With every magical realism ya book I own I get happier. There’s only so many out there and I want to read them all!

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below! I hope you all received all you wished for and more this Christmas! Merry Christmas everyone!

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Books of Christmas Past

Last year, I did not receive any books for Christmas. Typically this boat talks about just that, but last year was a tough Christmas for me, but all that happened then has turned into a blessing for me.

See I was in no position to even really feel enjoyment with books or much of anything in general. The contrast to how I feel now in this moment is incredible. I have changed so much this year and I achieved the ultimate goal that I’ve had for the entirety of my life. Which is to no longer have depression or anxiety way on me. Especially the last three months, I’ve felt free of any sort of Depression or Anxiety.

I’m at a point where I’m happy all the time. I find enjoyment everywhere and life is wonderful all the time for me. After my birthday, I set out to write the best things that happened each day and I was so surprised and delighted to find these past 8 days have been absolutely incredible! I look back on this week and I think that I’d want to fill my life with as many wonderful and unique moments every single day into the future. It’s been incredible.

Mainly, what has changed is my beliefs about life. Which sounds bigger then it really is. I’ve just discovered that I can and should be responsible for my own happiness and that I’m good at it. I’m good at keeping myself happy. I’m good at finding things to think about that bring me joy. I’m good at allowing myself the things that create greater joy in my life. It’s an incredible thing.

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below! I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas Eve! Merry Christmas everyone!

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Today Was My Birthday! 🎈

Today I turned 21! Why I feel weird about it I’m not exactly sure. Maybe, I just being technically considered an official adult when I have the humor and sarcasm of a 14 year old boy. Or the fact that being 21 means I can buy alcohol and I could care less about that.

I don’t know. On one hand I’m in the amazing place in my life. I can feel so deeply that I’m about to start seeing some amazing things happen in my life and yet another part of me just wants to be a kid. Not that being an adult means that you have to discard all childish things. I’m never going to give up the lightness of joy I feel when I connect to the childish things of life.

Maybe it’s just my impression of being 21 and what being an adult means. In reality, I can make it whatever I want. Which is what I am going to do. So I’m going to forget about all the things about being 21 I don’t really care about and define it for myself.

As a 21 year old I’m going to have the most fun I’ve ever had in my life.

This last year being 20 I spent a majority well, all of that time cleaning up my mental health. I literally don’t have depression or anxiety anymore. It’s unreal. So, I’m proud as heck of 20 year old me. I got myself through the darkest most scared parts of my mind and gently coaxed it into being happy pretty much all of the time. Which is honestly, the best present I’ve ever given myself ever. I didn’t kick depressions ass. I soothed depressions heart. I soothed it out of existence and that’s the most incredible thing I’ve ever done ever.

So that means 21 year old me gets to enjoy herself. She gets to live out one of the happiest years of life so far (I intend to continue the increased happy years). She gets to enjoy waking up being excited about the day. She gets to know that everything is always working out for her. She gets to feel good about herself. She gets to experiment with makeup and expressing herself because she finds it fun. She gets to have so much fun.

I am so excited for this next year in my life. I have evolved so much and I feel so much trust in myself and in the universe and I have this feeling, this inner knowing, that this next year is going to be filled with so much more to be joyous about then I can imagine! Every moment I am embodying more and more to be the woman that I desire to be. So whatever happens this year I’m ready.

I had fun today. I may have had to work, but I had a wonderful breakfast and an awesome vanilla latte and my mom actually surprised me with a gift of nail polish and an eyeshadow as I’ve been interested in playing with makeup recently and I always wear nail polish. I know I’m probably not going to wear it everyday. I just want to have fun with it and I feel that’s worth exploring.

Thank you all for reading! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below!

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What Christmas Means to Me

Christmas is one of my favorite holidays. It’s magic and joyous and kind. It’s as much the gifts you get as the gifts you give, yet as I’ve gotten old enough to go out and buy my own gifts for people, it’s the look on someone’s face when I give them something they really love that puts the biggest smile on my face.

Everyone on this earth wants to feel joy and happiness and to feel cared for. Christmas is the time where I really feel and see that all around me.

Then there is the romantic parts of it. Mistletoe and ice skating dates, drinking egg nog or a peppermint mocha with someone your getting to know, feeling that romantic pull in your heart. It’s a beautiful thing and it makes me feel excited, because I’ve never experienced that in person before and love during the holidays feels like it’s sprinkled with that little extra spice of magic.

People change during this time of year. There is more kindness. More remembering that we really are all in this life together and we are all deserving of being treated well. A lot of people donate time to feeding the homeless and more people give a little extra to those in need. More people are willing to give the benefit of the doubt and understand that mistakes are human.

This time of year is special. The decorations all around are gorgeous. There is a festive spirit you can feel in the energy of the people around you. I’ve seen so many guys wearing Christmas sweaters this year… so so many. More then the girls and I thought to myself, “the men really came through in terms of spirit this year and I want to hug every single one wearing one of those sweaters because I’m so proud. All of the women too while I’m at it. The Christmas cheer ends nowhere in my heart.”

But, what I’m most happy to say here is that this has been my favorite Christmas so far. It’s been happier then any other Christmas I’ve had and it’s because I’m happier now then I’ve ever been. Every single day of my life recently has been so joyful and full of life that it baffles me. I’m treating myself the way I always deserved to be treated. I follow my joy at all times. I follow my excitement at all times. Everything is working out for me. I’ve never appreciated myself or life in general more.

This Christmas feels so rich. Rich in happy moments with my family. Rich in dancing. Rich in singing until I got my annual sinus issues and even that hasn’t been bad at all. I’ve never had such a good time while my nose and throat were acting up in my entire life. I’m so deliriously and wonderfully happy and I know there is no end to it in sight. I know that my life is just going to get better and better. There is so much good to experience. So much music to fall in love with. So many books to read and movies to watch. So much to laugh about. I feel so blessed this Christmas and I know it’s a feeling I will have for the rest of my life.

Christmas is like all the best parts of life to me. I can only explain it as these visions of beautiful moments in my head. Moments like when I gave the item in my hand to a woman who was looking to buy that item and didn’t know where to find it. Then I just went back and got another one to buy myself. Moments like one of the guys that work as a janitor taking out the trash from my store so I didn’t have to do it myself. Then another time me holding the door open for the same guy when I was on my way to storage (which he didn’t want to accept at first.. which made my eyes roll, but I digress). Moments like my sister tickling me when I was trying to get her to fist bump my hand and us both ending up laughing tell we started coughing because it was all too much. Moments like picking out a free ornament from World Market with my family and finding the most beautiful animal ornaments to hang on the tree.

Christmas is a beautiful time of year. Filled with the taste of peppermint and lots of music and cheer. I love it with every fiber of my being and I appreciate so much Christmas this and every year.

Thank you all for reading! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below!

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Till next time!

My Christmas Playlist!

I love music and dancing. I love listening to good music almost more then anything else. I listen to so much music and so much variety of music that most turn up a brow when they know I’m that small percentage of people who max out the Spotify limit and makes a ginormous playlist instead of liking songs, because it doesn’t let me like them anymore because I’ve liked way too many.

This year I shared with all of you my Halloween playlist and since then that playlist has grown as my playlists always do, but that just means I have new music to share for next year!

However, this post is about my Christmas playlist! I have some classics, some new songs, but all the joyful songs of the season! I made sure that my Christmas playlist was as positive as possible. Music that makes me feel alive. Music that makes me dance and sing and feel joy. I love that having played this at my work that my coworkers and I have had some good laughs dancing along to the music and that it’s been such a good time.

This Christmas is going to be one of my favorites. I can feel that deep in my heart. It’s started off with a bang and I’m excited for all that the season will bring.

On to the music!!

Thank you all for reading! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below!

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Till next time!

Check out the Wolfe Creek Candle website and Instagram!

I Am Excited!!!

I’m in a different place in my life. I’ve had posts before where I felt this excitement in bursts. Posts where I was feeling happy and I was just grateful to have felt that way after so much hurt. I’ve talked about feeling so proud of myself, because I did it! I brought my own mind out from the pit hole it was in and re-evaluated everything to the death and prioritized myself and made sure I was ok.

I did that. Yes people were there for me. But, at the end of the day I was so depressed that I couldn’t even register those who were in my corner or not. But, I let myself feel. I let myself get out all that pain that was built inside and I slowly re-started my life and took things day by day and now I’m here. I’m excited! So excited for life and all that life has in store for my future.

The past few weeks have been the most consistent I’ve been in maintaining my joy and allowing and trusting that good things are coming and that they are happening in my life and they have been. Right now I feel like I’m at the cusp of something amazing and life changing in my life. I’ve felt that consistently for a while now. I feel like all of a sudden I’m going to turn around and everything in my life will be completely changed.

To be completely honest, I haven’t felt this way since I first was speaking with and getting to know my ex. Every single moment with him in my life had this feeling of goodness. This feeling that I’m feeling right now. I hope that wherever he is that he feels that too. That he’s happy and feeling good about life and feeling excited for his future. I never felt this sort of excitement on a day to day bases before him and feeling it now with my life in a completely different place is a true and undeniable blessing.

If any of you have ever heard it the song “I wish you well” it’s the sentiment I have. Maybe not all the lyrics exactly, but definitely the I wish you well part. Not just for him, but for everyone! I wish everyone to live their best lives doing things they love and doing it with people they love weather that’s romantically, familially, with friends, or co-workers. I just wish you all so much wellness. Whatever that means to you.

I was hard on myself for so many months. But, through that fire I learned so so much about myself. I’ve grown so much and I feel nothing, but love in my heart. I’m having fun in my life now. I’m taking everyday as an opportunity to learn something new or to do something I always wanted to. Weather that’s playing with makeup or being able to ask for something when I want it or actually buying that sweater I’ve had my eye on. I’m having fun in my life. I’m following whatever brings me the most joy and having fun.

I have some fun plans for the Christmas season and I’m getting into the Christmas mood seemingly way too early. But, for now I’m getting sleepy so I’m going to wrap this stuff up now.

Thank you. Truly thank you! For reading, for commenting, and for being a part of my journey. It means the world to me.

Thank you all for reading! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below!

Check out my Instagram and Twitter

Check out The Book Raven Poetry website

Checkout The Book Raven Poetry Instagram and Twitter!

Check out the Wolfe Creek Candle website and Instagram!