Good Riddance to 2020

2020 was an awful year. I think all of us can agree on that. It’s also been a particularly strange year. There’s been some questionable things that have happened this year.

I’m happy to say good bye to 2020. I can’t say I’m not terrified of what’s to come. There’s certain things that I know have to come eventually and currently I’m not ready for it. Christmas Day my dad had to be taken to the hospital. He has been battling cancer for a long while now and we learned that the tumor has made his prostate the size of a small watermelon when it’s only supposed to be the size of a walnut. Which causes all kinds of complications in the body.

Also, the doctors never told us if his cancer has spread or not. Or if his bleeding was solely because his prostate is so large. Also, the fear of my mom taking my dad to the emergency room as Covid is out of control was some of the most terrifying anxiety I’ve ever experienced. The good news is he is home now and they are going to figure out if he is viable for surgery or not.

Fear. Fear for me is what drove 2020. Fear and hope and just doing my best to be happy and somehow having those wonderful happy moments I’ll cherish forever within this year.

This year has been exhausting and yet I’ve looked forward to each day because yes the world is terrible right now, but I can’t let myself seek in too despair constantly because what’s the point otherwise? I take comfort in the things I can do. The moments I can enjoy. Because those moments are what make life worth living.

This year I found a wonderful person I love and friends that have been amazing. People who have all made me laugh and feel a little lighter. People I’m proud to have by my side.

Covid has changed the world. Both slowed down and accelerated my life. Made me terrified and yet made me want to love those around me harder.

It’s a terrible year and yet it’s changed my life in good ways too. I have memories I’ll cherish for the rest of my life from this year. Yet, moments that will forever be remembered by the anxiety and fear I felt while living them.

2020 has brought out a lot of the worst in many people. A lot of a ‘who cares’ attitude that puts families like mine at risk. That fear will carry into 2020, because the pandemic isn’t over and I know it won’t be for a long while.

I’m happy to have the people in my life I have in my corner. Together, we’ve survived 2020. That in and of itself is enough of an accomplishment.

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below! 

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I Welcome 2020!

I am so excited for the new year! I can’t really describe it. I’m so joyful in where I’m at that I’m just happy and excited knowing that the best that the world has to offer will come in the new year. I felt that way at work yesterday. I was suddenly this blissful happy person and I was excited. It felt like I’d taken a pill or something, but I hadn’t. I just felt really good.

I know 2020 is going to be an incredible year, because I feel so good right now. That and that it will be my dominate wish for the new year and every year after to find and experience as much joy as possible in each and every moment.

There is no real goal that I have set for 2020. I don’t really care for resolutions. Especially because they always seem to drop off pretty quickly. Plus, what you want for yourself is continually changing as you grow and change. So I don’t like to have a set thing that must happen in the new year.

However, I do want to set some sort of arbitrary goal each month. To learn something new or to do something fun that I hadn’t yet tried. Also, to write. To set some obtainable writing goals and to have fun writing.

With writing sometimes I feel I get weird about it, because I expect too much of myself when it comes to writing. Yet, when I take some time to sit down and write the words flow. It’s always there and easy to tap into. It’s breaking through that initial wall that I’ve got to work on. So I’ll probably make some sort of goal around that.

Either way, I’ll be making a January goals post tomorrow that will be a little more detailed as far as what I want to do in that month. I’m just so excited! So excited to live life. To follow my joy. Ever since I first decided to do so it’s gotten easier and easier and it feels incredible!

I wish everyone the best possible year ahead you can have. I wish you all the greatest happiness you can muster in the new year. I wish everyone to feel as good as possible in the new year.

In this moment I feel such joy, love, and warmth in my heart. I’m so excited to dance, play, and have fun in the new year. It’s going to be the best yet!

Welcome to 2020! Cheers to a year to remember! A year of transformation. A year where we live the life we’ve always wanted to live!

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below! 

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Hello 2019!

This year is going to be crazy. It’s going to be different and I’m going to call it right now, but it’s going to be beautiful. This is a year where I refuse to live in any other way then the way I choose. Where I find my own path and live life unafraid.

2018 was a year of fear. Even in the most beautiful part of 2018 there was still an element of fear and it ruined everything for me. I’m done with fear. I’m done with following a normal set path for myself. I want to write my own story. Not only do I want to, but I’m going to do it. Because fear and sadness have done nothing, but hurt me. I don’t want to be sad any more. I don’t want to be worried anymore. I don’t want to live life in a way I’ll regret it anymore.

So here are some words I wish to live by in the new year:

In 2018, I let anxiety and hurt rule me. I didn’t let myself believe and what I knew in my heart to be true. I let myself get caught up in how things should happen and didn’t let things happen as was right for me and not necessarily right for others. All these things caused me to make choices I do regret. Which, is something I never thought I’d do to myself. 2019 and beyond is a time in my life where I don’t want to do that ever again. Let me clarify.. It’s something I’m never going to let myself do that again.

Fear has kept me from all the things I truly love in life. Kept me from taking the chances I needed to take. All of it causing a time of great sadness and I ended up hurting myself the most. Anytime I can I’m going to do what’s best and right for me. I’m going to follow my heart. I got way to much in my head in 2018. I’m done with that. I’m going to give my heart the reigns in the new year and just see what happens.

I don’t know what to expect this year. There are endless possibilities. But no matter what happens I’m going to make sure that it’s one of the best years of my life. I’m going to write this year. I’m going to read a lot of amazing books this year. I’m going to live life this year. I’m going to make sure that it is truly a year to remember.

Thanks for reading! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below.

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-Till next time!

My 20th Birthday

Today, December 17th, is my birthday. For many people a birthday is something special and something celebratory. For me most of the time it feels like just another day of life. Yeah, I get well wishes and congratulations, but honestly if I didn’t mention my birthday was coming up to anyone no one would be the wiser.

That’s something I’ve come to terms with over the years. Having a December birthday can be weird because everyone’s scrambling for gifts for their loved ones for Christmas and frankly I understand that that’s what is and should be more important to people. A lot of the time too gifts for a December birthday and Christmas are rolled into one and you learn that that’s just what it is.

The point that I’m trying to make is, I’ve learned that the day of my birth isn’t all that special, but I can use it as a way to gather what I’ve accomplished in that year of life and what I want to do in the future.

So this year in my life I want to try and accomplish goals I’ve wanted to achieve for years. Like writing everyday and exercising when I can. But I also want to make it a point to be happier. To do as many things as I can that make me happy. To ask when I want something. To not feel so guilty about wanting things for myself.

I also want to tell my future self that no matter what happens this year to be more mindful and chill out a bit before making any decisions. To take life a little more calmly. But at the same time to not hold back and take chances.

There is no reason that the 20th year of my life can’t be one of the best years of my life. I just got to have faith and do what feels right.

Thanks for reading! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below.

-Till next time!

New Years Resolutions: 2018 (Let’s do this Thing!)

When 2018 began I was determined not to do this post because every time I declare my goals out into the universe they never succeed (almost as a rule). Pretty much all of my goals for 2017 were not successful and the fact that I wasn’t surprised about that fact is a problem in itself. However, as someone who has mentioned a lot of the issues and restarts in my blogging life (as well as my personal life) in 2017, I have decided I might as well explain my goals for this new year.. even if it is really to explain that I don’t have any real ones.

The thing is I have found that the problem with setting these huge goals to be healthier, do more reading, write more stuff, dedicate time to learning another language..etc. Etc. Is that when they pile on top of one another they become overbearingly unrealistic and even if you only fail one or two of your goals it feels like you failed and in 2018 I’m devoting myself to celebrate my wins, especially since 2017 was such a difficult year for me.

However I can’t help but hope that I do accomplish a few things this year if only to validate for myself that I can follow through:

FINISH A NOVEL: technically I have already authored a complete novel in my when I was 17. However, as someone who wants to be a published author in the future that one (not even fiction) novel isn’t going to cut it. I have so many ideas for novels in my head. Some of them ideas that I would be dying to read if I saw them in a bookstore off the premise alone. Right now I have one book in the works that I hope to put on Wattpad that will be a book that I write for myself for so many reasons. But the point is… I have started writing many a book I need this year to be the year I finish something.

Read a book a Day: this is something that I don’t want to declare because it is probably one of the most time consuming worst things I could want for myself, but I started before the end of 2017 and have kept it up for the past 11 Days And I just don’t want to give it up. It means that this blog will be mainly reviews for a long long time, but I will do my best to remain posting varying contents as much as I can.

One thing is for sure, I will NOT be doing any reading Challenges this year. Or any definitive challenges at all. Challenges tend to break my resolve when I don’t complete them and it does more harm then good. I need to read books as I feel like reading them, even if I am reading a book everyday. If I’m not happy with the books I’m reading I eventually give out and having something extra having me read certain books is another added weight that makes reading unenjoyable.

But most importantly, I’m going to let myself be. I’m not going to get angry at myself when I don’t accomplish everything I want to in a day. I’m not going to let myself be lost in wanting too many things. I am going to do instead of say and stop loosing myself in any planning.

If I complete any of these goals I will have good reason to be accomplished, but if I complete none of them the important thing is to celebrate the things I did do. I hope I never loose sight of that in the new year.

Thanks for reading! What are your New Years resolutions? What are your hopes for 2018?

-Till next time!

Ringing in the New Year Book Tag


Almost a week into 2017 and it is time that I finish off this week with a tag to officially ring in a brand new year of books. Thank you to Raven @ Dreamy Addictions for tagging me! Check out her lovely post here. She has such a wonderful layout and I love reading her posts. Thanks again Raven for tagging me!

Rules:

  • Link to the person who tagged you
  • Link to the creator of the tag – Rae @ Bookmark Chronicles
  • Share the tag image
  • Answer the questions below
  • Tag friends (or not if you don’t feel like it)


Best book and/or series that you’ve read in 2016

The best book I read in 2016 has to be A Northern Light by Jennifer Donnelly I can repeat enough how much this book made me feel. I can’t believe I had that book on my shelves for months before I read it. 


For best series completed in 2016 I have to go with the Splintered series by A.G. Howard this series had so much wonder hidden inside it. I am so glad I got to finish reading it in 2016. Plus I will forever be talking about how big a crush I have on Morpheus and how much I wish he was real. I love him so much!


Authors that you’ve recently found and would like to read more of in the new year

Libba Bray and Samantha Shannon

Libba Bray is the author of The Diviners a book that I am really excited to get into and I hope that along with that I get to read many more of her books in the future. 


I can’t wait to read The Bone Season by Samantha Shannon, I keep hearing so many good things about it and I hope it’s the start of reading many more of her books. 

Most anticipated book turned movie/tv show?

Murder on the Orient Express by Agatha Christie I loved this book when I read it in school and I am so excited that a new movie is coming out for it on November 22nd! It’s going to be fantastic to enjoy this books mysteries once more. 



Name a character that you wouldn’t mind sharing a kiss with at midnight (if there is one)

Mr. Rikkard Ambrose, he is the first person who came to mind and the one I have had the biggest crush on for the longest time. He is perfection in so many ways! I have to say that Storm & Silence by Robert Their is complete perfection and had me laughing aloud on more then one occasion. If you are so inclined read it off wattpad here. You will not regret it for a second. 



What’s on your TBR for 2017? (Top 5 will suffice if it’s an extremely long list!)

Random 5 being: 




How many books do you hope to read in 2016?

I am hoping to read at least 60 books. I think that it is a pretty reasonable goal. 



Will you participate in the Goodreads Reading Challenge or any others (PopSugar, Read the Books You Buy, etc.)

I am indeed participating in the Goodreads reading challenge as well as: 

The 2017 keyword reading challenge 

&

Winter Bookish Bingo! 
Any New Year’s Resolutions? (Bookish, blogging, and otherwise)

On the first of the year I had so many improvements to be made dancing in my head so I put them all in a New Years Resolutions post here. 


To tag or not to tag…. that is the question. 

Since it is already a week in the new year I am deciding not to tag anyone, but if you do wish to participate, feel free to do so! 

Once again have a Happy New Year! 

Thank you all for reading! Let me know your thoughts in the comments. 

-Till next time!

Under Pressure 


Stress, anxiety, too much popping up 

Got things to do no time to do them

I’m feeling down when I should be feeling up

It’s good to dream 

It’s good to hope

The best things come with time 

But in sharing dreams 

In sharing in possibilities 

Sometimes the heat builds up 

And don’t you know 

That too much pressure 

Causes the best of things to explode? 

The physical pain 

Of being stretched out 

Is killing me 

Shutting me down 

I need to slow 

To let things be 

I need to give time to figure things out

Things are good yet ohh so strange

The wanting is the worst part 

If things just were 

And anxiety left 

This pressure would cease to exist

But it’s here and weighing down 

Making my lungs burn 

I need to take steps 

One after the other 

Maybe after slow release 

I can rest 

With a new year comes new pressures and it’s easy to let things pile up. It’s easy to feel down even when your doing well, especially when there’s that one extra thing you could strive for. That one relentless want. It’s hard to be calm in a society that is constantly go go go, but we all need some time to breathe. We all need time to let our minds heal. Thank you for reading, let me know your thoughts in the comments below! 

Till next time!