Right now I am working actively on two different stories. My fantasy novel and a poetry collection that is like a fragment book of memories, thoughts, and emotions that deals with growing up, my family life, dealing with anger and depression, and the struggle of wanting to be someone other then myself.
I want to give you all a taste of that project with the poem I wrote for it today. Something that I would love to hear feedback on!
It is the night that inspires me and under its darkness I have said the things that were both my greatest thoughts and harshest twists at my families expense.
Everything is heightened when the world goes down into silence including my anger including my desire including my pain.
How could I allow myself to say the things I have said when my mom’s face grows sour, my tears inconsolable, the pieces of myself being cut away.
I don’t know this midnight monster I see in the mirror with it’s tears on display and it’s teeth sharp ready to speak with a voice tinged in the blood from which it stabbed its own gums.
It is the night where it comes out and I choose to dance or I choose to let it breath and when it breathes it kills and while it hurts those I love it kills me slowly slowly I lose my breath my mind my need to exist.
Yet my savior comes in a small still voice of the little girl who knew the same pain yet tried and tried and tried and so for her I continue on I swallow the breaking pieces of teeth and I let the tears become small specs of salt shining down my face.
I scream I’m sorry forgive me I’m sorry
I’m trying I’m trying I’m trying
I try to accept my deserved untrue “it’s ok, it’s not a big.” deal like a large and burning pill.
Even when I want to fight it the answer my thoughts my actions the reactions… I was the the monster and monsters always get what they deserve.
Thanks for reading! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments.
-Till next time!