Watching: Bojack Horseman Season 3

Season 3 of Bojack Horseman was a whirlwind. It has my favorite episode of Bojack so far, a look on some more background of Bojack and the gang, and some of the darkest most intense moments of the series so far. This is the season where I have found that I am completely in love with this show and I can’t wait to talk about why.

First of all, I want to talk about my favorite episode.

Episode 4: Fish out of water

This episode is an art piece. The sound of it. The way that everything is visual. How it’s basically silent storytelling. It’s gorgeous. It’s also one of the happiest episodes of Bojack. As a seahorse gives birth and Bojack ends up taking care of the little one and taking him back to his home.

I loved it so much I even drew my favorite moment:

I made a bit of a mess of the proportions, but I’m still happy with the result. It was a fun thing to draw. This is the happiest I had ever seen Bojack and Bojack has done so many things that have been sketchy in his life, but seeing him happy is the way I wish I could always see him.

A big part of season 3 was showing the past. The time after Bojack was a star on Horsin’ around and when he stared on a new tv series “The BoJack Horseman Show”. A show that was said to be terrible. In these episodes of Bojack Horseman we see younger versions of everyone and get a sense of how they’ve grown and developed to the people they are later on. Mr. peanutbutter in a bad marriage, Princess Caroline not yet an agent and barely developing her on again off again relationship with Bojack, Todd being young and discovering who he is, Diane working in a coffee shop just starting to write on the side. It’s so cool to see that part of these characters I have come to love. Gives each of them an even deeper characterization and all of them feel even more like people.

A big aspect of season 3 is Diane gets pregnant. Diane does not want a child and so she decides to have an abortion and being the social media coordinator for Sextina Aquafina she accidentally tweets about it and Sextina becomes a face of the pro-choice movement. It’s a unique perspective because I feel like Diane learns a lot about herself through this time and what it means to her to be a feminist. She gets confronted by her own biases and understands that the way she had been viewing Sextina was in a way that didn’t value her for who she truly was. It was a fascinating part of season 3 for me.

Another thing that happens is Todd meets up with his old friend Emily and they make a business together. Emily likes Todd, but we find out that Todd is asexual and just having that shown in a show like this was really cool. Todd ends up carrying on the business with Mr. Peanutbutter and it becomes the opposite of what it was meant to be originally and even though for me it turned into something I didn’t care for it ended up being a good thing later on.

A big part of season 3 is Bojack creating a campaign in hopes of being an Oscar winner. He and his friends go into meetings and set up places for him to show to create a new image for him to get picked. A lot of it goes great and a lot of it doesn’t, but that’s sorta how everything always goes for Bojack.

Bojack develops an interesting relationship with his publicist Ana. She thinks she can win him an Oscar for his role in secretariat and it ends up not happening and so she leaves him. This starts the unraveling that later turns into the most heartbreaking series of events in Bojack so far.

After years of Princess Caroline being Bojack’s agent he fires her for good. At that point he had all his hopes in Ana and Caroline had seemingly ruined two new opportunities for him and he felt fed up. It really wasn’t her fault, but it didn’t matter. Thus, began the beginning of the end.

Bojack gets announces as an Oscar nominee and so he throws a party. He gets majorly drunk and when he tries to kill himself by driving his car into his pool. He then gets saved by Mr. Peanutbutter only to be told that his nomination was a mistake. Then, Bojack has a convo with Todd that is the most intensely sad convo I’ve heard in all the series. Where Todd tells him that he’s the problem. The reason he is the way is is because of himself and no one else and it’s both so cruel and so hard-hitting. Bojack then goes on the deep end.

Then we get to the saddest part of the show. After months of sobriety Sabrina goes on a bender with Bojack and it’s terrible and heartbreaking to watch. Showing such darkness and pain in a tv show like this hit me hard. Both of them become lost.

And then as sometimes happens after taking too many drugs Sabrina dies and Bojack realizes her loss was his fault. The body isn’t meant take that much poison. Then the art of it, the way that they portray her death is haunting and beautiful. Yet not at all glorifying the moment in anyway. It felt like a knife in the gut to watch.

At the very end, Bojack tries to kill himself once more and ends up watching a group of wild horses just running and it stops him. Then the season ends on a moment of hope. It’s such a dark season and yet beautiful in its way. The writers and artists create a both real, bleak, and yet hopeful picture of what living life is. It’s glorious. It’s a show well worth applauding.

On the heels of my favorite season so far I’m excited to continue on the series and see what more Bojack has in store for me. I’m now halfway through his journey and so far I’ve loved each and every moment. Can’t wait for what is next.

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below! 

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Checkout The Book Raven Poetry Instagramand Twitter

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Watching Bojack Horseman: Season 2

I have to start off by saying this show is great. As my person would say it has some of the best showing of what it is to have depression on television. Season 2 of Bojack Horseman was fantastic to watch.

This season reached some great highs and some heartbreaking lows. Happiness is an inside job and Bojack struggles to find it and does in spurts, but never for long. That’s how depression goes sometimes. Sometimes it’s hard to change a mindset that you’ve held on to for years.

The very first episode was the hardest for me to watch.

Nothing gets to me like sucky parents and the closest I’ve gotten to crying because of this show has been seeing how awful Bojack’s parents were to him. Made him feel like his existence was inherently wrong and bad and it’s no wonder he’s grown up not truly being able to find happiness, because he’d never found a good way of healing all that pain. He gave himself to alcohol and bad decisions. He’s found great success in life, but still feels like nothing will ever be good enough. It can’t be not when he can’t find the good in himself.

Bojack finally lands his dream role of Secretariat. Yet at first his want to change his attitude makes him not as suitable for the role. All along Bojack had a lot of similarity to Secretariat’s essence even if that really is a sad truth. Yet even when he’d preform at the core of who Secretariat would be, they decided to make a completely different movie, all the grit removed. Hell they didn’t even use a single bit of Bojack’s acting in the final movie, just a cgi version of him.

Yet, somehow this very different movie that has nothing to really do with Secretariat turns out ok. Yet, it says nothing of Bojack or Secretariat and I don’t really know if I’d be ok with that if I were in Bojack’s shoes.

Another huge part of season 2 of bojack is JD Salinger’s show having Mr. Peanutbutter hosting. Bojack becomes a celebrity on the first episode and shit hits the fan. It becomes about humiliating Bojack until Princess Caroline tells Bojack about Mr. Peanutbutter’s tell. That episode is one of my favorites. It gets into so many difficult topics and realities of human reaction. Bojack gets petty and makes some sucky decisions and it is what it is.

Not to mention that Bojack’s girlfriend Wanda is a very important part of season 2. She makes Bojack happy for a while, but with his focus often elsewhere it isn’t enough and his depression wins out. Wanda is a positive being. She lifts Bojack up, but Bojack doesn’t want to be lifted not really. He may have loved her for a while, but in the end he breaks her heart and instead of chasing after her he chases his past and again only finds a temporary kind of happiness.

One of the most interesting things to watch was the dynamic between Bojack and Diane. Diane was supposed to go off to Cordovia for 6 months and she does, but then she realizes that Sebastian St. Clair is full of shit and she really isn’t doing anything to help anyone so she heads home. Yet, instead of going home she stays at Bojack’s house and lies to her husband for months that she’s still in Cordovia. Yet all the while she lays around drinking with Bojack and he lets her stay there.

This of course creates tension between himself and Wanda. Wanda certainly doesn’t want her boyfriend sitting on his ass wasting away with someone he’d had love for, for hours on end. It’s then she realizes she never really knew Bojack and everything between them falls apart.

Yet I have to say my favorite high of the show was for Princess Caroline. She enters a relationship with Rutabaga and they want to have a company together. Since Rutabaga puts the company in her name when things go bad for the two of them when Rutabaga shows he’s playing around and doesn’t truly respect Caroline she gives him the finger and keeps the company for herself. I have mad respect for Caroline. She’s amazing. Love seeing such a strong feminine feline in this show.

On a whole, season 2 was amazing to watch. It had great funny moments. It showed some real friendship. It had some wonderful jokes. Some real lows. A lot of difficult subjects to delve into. It’s a masterpiece. Every single character is three dimensional and real. You care for everyone no matter how flawed. People don’t always chose the “right” thing and this show gets that and isn’t afraid to show things for what they are.

There is so much detail that goes into the art and you can screenshot any point and you could see just how much was going on. It’s so good at showing hard truths. Yet it isn’t a hopeless show. Bojack wants to be better and it shows him working on himself, but finding his inner happiness and strength seems like it may be a long battle.

One of my favorite conversations was him talking to Mr. Peanutbutter:

Mr. Peanutbutter has something that Bojack doesn’t, a feeling of self-worth and the confidence that goes with that. Nothing seems good to Bojack because he hasn’t found that yet. It’s such a powerful conversation in the show. It was incredibly well done.

I’m excited to continue on and watch season three. It’s going to be incredible. Bojack’s journey is a hard one and I want to watch it to the very end.

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below! 

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Checkout The Book Raven Poetry Instagramand Twitter

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Watching Bojack Horseman: Season 1

This show is one of those shows that you watch and it changes you. It’s so real. Hits so hard with what actually happens in real life yet with such absurd imagery that you can’t call watching it any sort of form of escapism. If your watching this show your facing some hard truths. That’s all I can say.

Bojack started his career on a show called Horsin’ Around. One of those adorable family tv series we’ve all grown up watching. After that Bojack lost his way. He hasn’t done much since then and he fills up his emptiness by keeping around him a few people that he cares about.

For one princess caroline his agent. She is his on again off again girlfriend, but most of all she’s always there and does what she can to further his career.

There’s Todd, Bojack’s roommate and closest friend. Bojack tries to keep him a bit codependent which isn’t healthy, but the show really isn’t about showing what a healthy relationship looks like.

Then there is Diane, the girl Bojack loves. She’s in a relationship with a guy he really doesn’t care for Mr. Peanutbutter. Yet, they spend a lot of time together because she becomes the ghostwriter to write about Bojack’s life.

A part of the show is where Bojack is trying to get Mr. Peanutbutter and Diane to break up. Instead his antics end up pushing them further together.

But, the show is about Bojack. The life he’s created for himself and his inner struggle with being a man who isn’t happy and isn’t who he wants to be. He is a portrait of depression. What it does and the actions we take as humans when we are doing are best to take steps away from it. But, also the steps we take under its influence.

One thing I do have to say though is that while living with depression it is all of that. It colors everything in a way that isn’t what it really is. Who Bojack has become because of his depression isn’t all he could be. Yet sometimes, when your stuck and that’s all you see you can’t step away from it enough to acknowledge that. Then the problem perpetuates.

This show is brilliant. Incredibly well styled. Dark in great ways. Yet, it shows that bit of hope that Bojack carries with him. I’m excited to watch the next season and see where the story goes. It is quite the story.

THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below! 

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Check out The Book Raven Poetry website

Checkout The Book Raven Poetry Instagramand Twitter

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My Dad: An Update

So yesterday was an overall great day. I started my Halloween playlist. Went to work, at the end blasted out Disney songs and sang along with my coworker. I even danced a bit (which I do at home more often now, but at work I try not to).

However, how good the day was, was a miracle. Before work my sister told me that through a recent blood test that my dad indeed has cancer. Even if I already suspected. Already pretty much knew. It devastated me.

My dad is 70 years old. His health hasn’t been good for a long while now and I’m afraid that because of how long everything has taken to diagnose that.. it might be too late. I hope that it isn’t, but honestly I know that the whole thing is entirely out of my hands. All I can do is pray. All I can do is try to enjoy the moments I have right now.

My dad doesn’t know yet. He won’t know until probably the next visit. I don’t think it’s going to go well. I wish this wasn’t what was happening right now.

And I can’t stop moving forward. I can’t stop working. If he passed.. I couldn’t stop working. I’m stuck. I hate thinking about these things, but I can’t ignore them. I don’t have much of a choice.

So for now, I’m just taking things one day at a time. Like I always have. It’s truly all I can do. If you can keep my family in your prayers.. or if you don’t believe send well-wishes.. thoughts.. anything really.

Recently, I’ve been really really lucky. I’ve had a lot of good people come into my life. I found the love of my life. I feel more mentally stable then I ever have. In the wake of one of the most difficult times ever I am doing ok. The road ahead is going to be really really difficult, but I am so grateful that I have such a wonderful community there for me through it all.

Thanks for reading! I wish this could have been good news. I really do. The only way to go is forward.

-Till next time!

Reality


I walked down the dirt path. My feet coated with stickers, rocks, and dusty newly formed mud I sat down to look at the cuts on my feet 

As you watched with a bottle of clear water and shoes on your feet. You checked the shining gold of your watch, and went away. 
Sometimes I forget. I wake up. I go to work. I eat. I laugh. I sleep. I repeat. Then, I forget and forget and forget. In the simplicity of time I forget that others are standing on the side of the rode with ribs showing, feet crusty, and smelling of decrepit dirt. I forget because it is easy. I forget because when I remember it hurts. I forget because I could have easily been that person on the street begging and pleading for help, but I got lucky, to think that flip of the coin is what’s real hits hard. 

-Till next time!

The World We Live In


I haven’t felt like writing for many days. My heart hasn’t been in it. I could not understand what has been happening in the world around me, but then, I have just had my eyes open to the cruelty of a world that has been there all along. There has always been struggles, humanity against humanity, since the first time humans walked this earth. I only have to look around to see how we treat one another based on the look of our bodies, the hue of our skin, the strength of our beliefs; I am sickened by it.

All my life I have been an outsider. As a child, I had very few friends and even than I knew that I really couldn’t call them true ‘friends’. I played kick ball, hand ball, and enjoyed going on the monkey bars. Yet, I was asked by boys why I would ever play kickball, I was a girl (who loved pink) and seeing me there just didn’t seem right. Hand ball was even worse because I was often shoved out of line, but I stayed because I enjoyed playing, and because I knew even then that I had just as much right to play as anyone else.

As I got older, recess and playing outside was no longer something I could do. So, I would take walks on my own around the school yard after I ate. I didn’t speak much to anyone back then. The only time I spoke was in the classroom.

Now I am seen as outsider of my own family, but in truth I have always been seen that way. Every time I call my mom “Mom.” I see people look in confusion wondering how that could ever be so. All people see is the blonde hair, blue eyed, light skinned girl standing with a brown haired, brown eyed, darker skinned woman who looks too different to have a relation. What people don’t look at is the bond.

Being an outsider in these ways is not so bad. I know so many people who have it so much worse. I haven’t felt the bite of being belittled for how I look, or the pain of physical violence because of my religion, I haven’t been hurt, not really, but I can’t stand for the injustice of those who have.

For instance, while I was in high school, I was eating lunch at the tables outside with a group of people I had seen as my ‘friends’ and there was two spanish men fixing the window above where our table was. One of the boys sitting with me Began to make derogatory comments about the workers being undocumented that angered me to no end. To make matters worse, he looked at me like (because I was white) I was expected to agree. Angry, I yelled at him and I left. I couldn’t stand to continue to eat at the same table as someone who said the things he did. This was one of the first instances that made me hate my own race. How could it be that I was expected to hate a certain kind of people just because my own skin was a certain color? Why should I be expected to hate anyone? To treat anyone with hate? To verbally abuse someone for the social constraints others have placed on them? That it would be ok?

I have never cared about the race someone was born into. Race is simply what culture and people you were born into. I could have just as easily been born Chinese. I could have easily born in any other country. I could have had any kind of family. All the possibilities are endless. I do not fault anyone for the family they were born into. I do not fault anyone for what they believe in. I do not fault anyone for what gender they are or what sexual preference one has. To me, humans are humans, we all have our struggles, we all have our dreams. I am no better than anyone else. The only thing I fault people for is when they treat another with hatred. When someone acts in order to harm another and makes them feel less than dirt I feel so much anger. I want to act to combat it.

This is what I want to do with my writing. I want to use it to act. To change the way things have been originally thought. To get people to think. To inspire others to do a bit of good. I haven’t felt like writing these past few days, but I am writing now. My heart is fully invested. I may not understand why society has created the hatred and pain that it has, but I want to be a lyrical force against it. Actions may speak louder than words, but the pen is mightier than the sword and I will fight will all my might. For the people and the beauty of the world that I believe in.
Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed this post. I had written it a long time ago and I don’t know why, but I felt afraid to publish it. I hope that my story here has spoken to you in some way. It would bring my heart so much joy to feel like this has made some difference, no matter how small. 

-Till next time! 

700 Followers!!!! Thank you!!

I feel as though I’m in a place in between my dreams and my reality where the things that I never knew could be possible happen. 700 is huge for me. I can’t believe that there are 700 human beings out there in the world that sat down with their device, hopped on WordPress, read some of my work and decided that they cared enough about what I write to want to hear more. 700 people in this world actually care about what I have to say and that’s huge. 

In my life, all I’ve ever wanted to be was a writer. I wanted to share my stories if only to impact one persons life and make just the slightest difference in this world. 

These past couple of weeks have been amoung the most trying of my entire life yet, somehow, somehow they’ve also been some of the weeks that have given me the most hope. 

All my life, I’ve lived with my God family. Well truly it started as a daycare situation that became so much more. My Gradmother, who had adopted me, was never made to be a mother, she never treated me right and leaving me with my God family is the best thing she has ever done for me. 

However recently, my grandmother has decided to stop supporting me. Me and my grandmother have always butted heads, but this, this was a new low. There have been financial struggles that have been going on with my God family for a very long time are still very much present, because of this things have felt like they were spiraling out of control. In the midst of this however I’ve found some wonderful beauty, I am switching schools so that I can work during the day, I actually have a job, I came up and made major steps towards creating The Raven Book Crate (which I am doing everything I can to fund. No matter what this Crate is going to exist. (I even have a release date *whispers August*)), and this 700 followers on my blog and I stop to think to myself that maybe just maybe what’s happening right now, the juxtaposition of good and bad is the place that will be the starting place for something even greater then I could ever imagine. 

I feel like crying right now. From exhaustion and fear and hope and insanity and love and joy and just the everythingness that is happening to me at the moment. I’m simply grateful. To every single one of you. Each read, like, comment, and follow tell me that my words matter, and that is the greatest gift I could ever receive in my life. 

Thank you. Thank you for existing. Thank you for inspiring me and for inspiring others. Thank you for doing all you do. Thank you thank you thank you! 

As always, let me know your thoughts down in the comments. I’m sending you all the love in my heart. 

-Till next time! 

Chaos and Dreams

It was that dream again, the shadows moving across the bay, casted out by the soft glow of the moonlight. It was dark, it was always dark, but somehow the moon made the starless sky look beautiful. Then he would appear. His face shadowed unnaturally even as he would stand in the streetlights buried in the sand. He would waltz across the sand, somehow his shiny black shoes would never sink into it. A large bundle held in his arms. Before I could register what it was he held, I would be transported far away from him. My eyes would strain desperately in the dark. A sick feeling building in my stomach told me that that bundle was very important. I would run my feet sinking into the sand making it harder and harder to continue with each step. 

Till finally, I would reach him. My eyes drawn to the jet black hair and rounded freckled face of one of my closest friends. She dangled drugged and lifeless cradled like a babe tucked safely in his robustness. My heart would sink low to my feet at the sight of it.

“Follow me.” The man’s voice was always curt and strong. I knew that there was nothing to do but obey. 

It would be an instant before we were up the wooden steps of the pier and standing up an above the calm black waters of the ocean. 

“Your friend is dying.” He would say it emotionlessly it was a fact and nothing else.

“Do you wish to save her?” He was standing next to me looking directly at me, yet I could not see his face.

“Of course.” My voice somehow clear and sure despite the cold. She was dying and I could do something about it. Questions and doubts had no place in a moment like this.

“Then bring her back to life.”

In one moment to the next she was falling. The ocean moving harshly now consumed her. In another moment I would be suspended in there, then I too would be gone to the ocean’s depths. 

I wake up to the reflection of bubbles floating to the surface playing in my mind. 

“Honey! Your breakfast is ready!” My mom’s brown locks appear in my doorway. 

“I just woke up, give me a minute!” I push away the covers and sit up my mind trying to recover from the stark change in my reality. 

“What do you want!?” Instead of answering my mom just leaves, I wish she would care more about my attitude. She just takes it, like she takes shit from everyone else. 

All dressed and ready for school I walk down the stairs. “Sweetie, your food is getting cold.” 

“What’d ya make?” 

“Pancakes, eggs, and bacon.” 

“Mama that’s too much! You know we don’t have enough money to waste like that! Just an egg would have been fine.” I’m being a bitch I know, why can’t I just treat her right?

“Come Mija, Eat your food” 

I sat and ate, enjoying it despite myself. She really tries. Why must I always hurt her?
My mom brings me to school as she always has. She tried to kiss me on the cheek like she used to, but I just walk away and don’t turn back. Even this, this petty hurt, is a sign of the arrogance in me. I guess I do take after my father, the bastard. 

Thinking about my father leaves a sour taste in my mouth. I walk straight to my locker and grab my things not even bothering to wave at Celeste a friend from Physics as I pass by her. I’m sucky for doing that when she’s only one of a few people that are at school at this time. I head toward the library. It’s an hour before class starts and I need a place to be alone. I need to clear my head of all this angst. 

I grab a novel off the shelves and find a seat next to the window overlooking the parking lot. I set a timer on my phone for ten minutes before class starts and loose myself to living in a place that is anywhere but here.

As my phone chimes I groan, you always have to leave when a story is getting really good. At least school is usually somewhat enjoyable. I can sit in the back of my classes, earphones in my ears and let all my problems fade away. Music during lessons is always something to look forward to. I’ve never learned anything from a teacher that couldn’t be taught better in literature anyway. 

My first class is Mrs. Phillips an old crone who once was terrifying, but after her husband died of a stroke she faded away, she doesn’t care much about what us kids do anymore. There is no hope left for her. 

In the classroom, I see a friend Leroy with Natasha and Melissa sitting in the back of the room already. Leroy is a nerd, but he’s our nerd and if he wasn’t gay I’m sure one of us would be dating him. All the cute ones are taken or gay (or both), isn’t that the saying? Stupid cliche. 

Mrs. Philips doesn’t lecture, she just writes on the board and waits for us to do what’s on there, or not. I watch her sometimes, maybe I will give her something later, some flowers, or some candy. Would that make up for being a bad person? I don’t think so, but her loneliness makes me sad. 

“Why so forlorn there Adria, you’re even more depressed looking than usual.”

“Look who’s using all these big words all of a sudden! Have you actually been reading something I sent to you?” It is a defensive sarcasm that leaks into my words, but I know Natasha would never take offense to anything I say. 

“Gasp! How dare you!” Natasha looks over at Melissa dramatically, “Can you believe what Adria just said to me… The nerve she has! Why Adria of course I haven’t read any of the books you have sent me. Reading as I have always said… Is completely boring.” 

“Phew, I thought someone maliciously literate had taken control of your body and possessed you. I’m glad you’re still you Natasha, I don’t think I could handle it if you suddenly acted like someone else!”

“That’s enough ladies, Natasha and I have actually been studying for English together and she wanted to throw something….

“That’s enough Leroy!” Natasha reached over and covered his mouth. 

“This boy never knows what he’s saying, does he?” Natasha jabs him in the ribs and I look at Melissa as we all start to laugh. This is the sort of thing that makes me love my friends. 

After class Leroy and I walk together to Ap English. We are talking about stupidities as usual when Marcus a jock I’ve seen around comes barreling down the stairs crashing right into me and I fall back narrowly missing legs and feet as I tumble down. I land with my leg twisted the wrong way and dots forming in front of my eyes. The pain hits all at once, white hot resonating from my leg and radiating across my body in waves. It takes every bit of me not to cry out. 

A crowd forms around me and it takes forever tell I recognize Leroy’s hand on my arm. Before I can say anything he lifts me up into his arms and the crowd parts. Leroy has been talking to me the entire time, but I can’t make out what he is saying. I grab the sleeve of his shirt in my hands and squeeze it with all my might. All I can feel is the consuming pain. Before I can register it fully I am in the nurse’s office and Leroy is setting me down on the bed. 

“Do you want me to take notes for you for week? You look terrible and I doubt I will be seeing you at school anytime soon.” 

That’s when I started laughing and crying all at once. The pain, my mother’s worry, the bill she would have to pay without insurance to cover it all, Mrs. Phillips and her tragedy, and this boy, this amazing friend in front of me is asking me about taking notes for me while I am gone. 

He engulfs me into a warm hug and the tears soak into his fancy shirt from a store I could never afford. “What would I ever do without you?”

“My friend you have it all wrong, it is what would I ever do without you!” Then I really break down and hold him tighter to me. 

“You know, sometimes I really really wish you weren’t gay.” I mean it when I say it, but I also know that Leroy is no ladies man. He is cute, caring, smart, and hopelessly in love with men. I’m being stupid and unfair again and I cry harder. 

Leroy looks down and smiles at me in a heartbreaking kind of way as the nurse shows up to let us know that the ambulance has arrived to take me away. 

“Don’t worry and get better! I’ll drive Natasha and Melissa over to see you after school, you know how crazy they will be when they find out.” 

A paramedic walks in to take me outside. 
“Thank you” I say, “For everything.” 

Leroy’s smile against the chaos of all that has passed is the last thing I think about as the ambulance takes me away. Then my sedated mind gives way to that same tragic dream and I lose myself in suffocating waters once more. 

Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed this piece. It is a draft of a piece I am writing for my creative writing class that is meant to be a short story. I may be thinking of expanding it to something book length. What do you think? Let me know your thoughts in the comments.

-Till next time!

Delirious Thought


Swirling, Swirling, Delirously, my minds a mess a twisting, fogging, whirling thing 

My eyes awake is a dizzying weakness, I don’t know how to feel right again

It’s weird what a nap can cause, dehydration mixed with empty tiredness without cause 

A mind that doesn’t wish to wake in a place between the conscious world

Split thought, distraction, fragmented dreams, wondering at reality

Not at peace or feeling anything, just their mind not quite present in the body

The thirst lingers yet the body feels full just a drop or two more, nothings clears 

The eyes are the worst half-closed wishing to go back to lost memory of dreams 

Lacking the full ability to see, even if the images are clear the perception leans 

Out of body, it is like a high, but no drug induces this feeling, just a tired hour sleep

Why must I wake to twisted feeling? 

Arms tired, a slight draping pain, the haze surrounds in a cocoon 

When will I find myself truly awake?

Thank you for reading this strange haze of a poem. This is 100% how I feel right now. I took a nap and feel delirious from need for water, water that hasn’t helped as much I wished. If this poems says anything to you let me know. I always wonder at this weird state of mind I get to sometimes after I will take a nap from fatigue. 

I hope you enjoyed.

-Till next time!

Aftercare Instructions: A Review


Aftercare Instructions  by Bonnie Pipkin

My Rating: 5 thoughtful stars

Publisher: Flatiron Books

Release Date: June 27th, 2017

Recieved: Netgalley provided an earc copy in exchange for an honest review

Pre-Order: Amazon




In the tradition of Rainbow Rowell and Jandy Nelson, a powerful, big-hearted journey of furious friendship, crazy love, and unexpected hope
“Troubled.” That’s seventeen-year-old Genesis according to her small New Jersey town. She finds refuge and stability in her relationship with her boyfriend, Peter—until he abandons her at a Planned Parenthood clinic during their appointment to terminate an unwanted pregnancy. The betrayal causes Gen to question everything.
As Gen pushes herself forward to find her new identity without Peter, she must also confront her most painful memories. Through the lens of an ongoing four act play within the novel, the fantasy of their undying love unravels line by line, scene by scene. Digging deeper into her past while exploring the underground theater world of New York City, she rediscovers a long forgotten dream. But it’s when Gen lets go of her history, the one she thinks she knows, that she’s finally able to embrace the complicated, chaotic true story of her life, and take center stage.
Aftercare Instructions, an electric, format-crushing debut, full of heart and hope, follows Gen on a big-hearted journey from dorm rooms to diners to underground theaters—and ultimately, right into readers’ hearts.


Musings: 

In a single word this book is: bold

Why isn’t this book everywhere? It’s gorgeously written, real, and full of life. It discusses a topic that fills the masses with a charged energy on both sides of a story and is born from the burning embers of a movement that has caused a lot of debate, especially now. I could whisper the word abortion and pretty soon a whole room erupts into discussion and inevidibly arguments. I have no idea why, but the topic of abortion has latched onto me recently (as it may have for many of us) and hasn’t let go. I’ve thought myself to be on all sides of the spectrum pro-life, pro-choice, and somewhere in-between. 

However, this is not only a book that tackles the hardships and choices of abortion (something that it does brilliantly I must say) it is also a story about family, relationships, and simply being human, mistakes and all. I loved that while abortion is a huge theme of this novel it is not the only one, and quite possibly, not even the most important. 

For Genesis, there is a whole lot that occurs in a single week, and family is a huge part of it. Years ago when Gen lost her father, her world broke apart, her mother broke down, and Gen took it upon herself to pick up the pieces, for better or worse. Having to be a stronghold for her mother is a huge part of this novel, a depiction of mental disparity caused by grief that added a depth to this story that continues to tug at my heart. 

Gen’s father, who feels like the guiding voice of this novel, felt like a catalyst for healing and a constant source of strength. Even as he caused his wife’s greatest weakness in his death. Gen’s dad was a curiosity, his traits branded into Genesis’s own. His heart in hers, his hand guiding her towards his past, in a shining light. I felt his voice so much in this because of every flashback and rush toward the future surrounded itself in theatre the thing he loved to do most. 

I love the aspect of theathre in this book. The parts written in acts. The idea of plays woven deep into the rhyrthm of this novel. It added a richness to the story that would never have existed. It’s importance unexpected, but completely right. 

Peter the boy that Gen fell in love with that left her alone at Planned Parenthood. Religious, hurting, and confused Peter, who after all the emotions, I never ended up hating, though I really really wanted to. 

This novel is driven by its characters. Driven by their conflicting desires and shared hopes. All tied up in a thing called aftercare, because you may not be able to be in control of how things happen, but you can work towards becoming healed. 
This book deserves to be read, shared, discussed, and read again. This a novel that society needs. I hope that you consider my words and take them to heart. No matter what you believe, this is a book that can help bridge an understanding amongst us all,  if only you are willing to take the jump, with your eyes wide, and your mind open…

Thank you for reading. Let me know any concerns you have about the topic above. I’m always open to discussion. I want to hear all of your thoughts and if you do decide to give this book a try let me know. 

-Till next time!