There’s something about the beginning of the month that makes me feel like I can start over. That I can decide to focus on making my life the way I want it to be. That past two years or so that feeling has been few and far in between. I’ve been doing my best behind the scenes for a long time. Quietly rebuilding and focusing on my mental health. I feel for the first time in a long time that I have the tools in me to reestablish myself and rebuild this blog into what it’ll become from now on.
I have been irreversibly changed in the past few years. Lost and found myself multiple times. Dealt with some of the most harrowing and painful things I’ve had to deal with in my life. Through it all, I’ve quietly focused and rebuilt on my joy and my ability to rest and recover. During the past few years I did not have the bandwidth to give of myself much more then I was giving to my work, family, and friends. I understand that now. I am not upset anymore that I wasn’t able to return here during that time. A lot of it had to do with my relationship with my anxieties and my fear.
Even now, I know that eventually one of the saddest moments of my life is coming. However, I cannot keep myself from doing the things I love to do in the meantime and after that point. My time away from blogging has been valuable. I am not the same girl I was when I started the book raven. I have grown. I have established a very loving and understanding partnership with a person who has been unconditionally supportive of me and my dreams and I to them. I have picked up the pieces over and over again dealing with the reality of my dads terminal illness. I have allowed myself to give myself the space I needed to breath and to rediscover and rebuild myself from a point in my life where I felt so lost.
I am now focused on moving forward. On creating. On balancing the hardships of life with the precious joyous moments I can cherish. In this moment I can feel it in my heart that this is the best way forward. To balance living, work, and doing things that impassion me. Only a week ago I had started to dance to music again. To feel that blissful freedom of movement.
I am a woman who has been remade and renewed. It is time for me to once again shine in the new ways that I desire to. I am planning so much to share with you all. In writing, in books, in the world of video games. I am ready. I hope you all are ready to join me. It’s going to be a whole new world.
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