Life is Beautiful

I’ve talked about my life a lot on the blog. I’ve talked about some of my deepest struggles and some of the lessons I’ve learned. I’ve talked about my relationship with mental illness and my bouts of depression and anxiety as well as feelings of things just going horribly and unchangeably wrong at various points of my life.

It took me many a break from blogging and from productivity in general to pull myself free from negative thinking and negative cycles. Because no after how many things go wrong in life its how you deal with it that matters and for a while I couldn’t see past my own pain and grief to see all the good that life has to offer.

Life is all about perspective. Sometimes there is value in letting yourself feel hurt, but becoming the hurt and the guilt doesn’t serve you or anyone else. One of the things I’ve worked deeply on in myself is not feeling like a victim. Letting go of the idea that anyone else’s actions have anything to do with me and accepting my situation for what it is so that i can make the best of it.

One thing I despise is pity or being in a state where everything feels like it sucks. I was once in a point of my life where that’s all I could see. The awful line up of events in my life that came up one after the other, but I’ve given up my power to them for way too long.

Life is beautiful. I am not defined by the things that caused me pain. Especially not the pain that was self-inflicted by my own mind. Which, truly was the biggest part of it. I am not someone who will ever choose to stay stuck. I might need to simmer in my sadness for a while, but I always come out of it. Without exception.

I am making my happiness my main priority. My marvel posts and posts like this one are a big part of that. I take care of myself with so much more care then I once did and I value myself so much more as well. For once in a very long time I feel whole.

You can choose to dance with the darkness in yourself or become one with it. I choose to dance with it. To understand it and to remind it of all the light the world has to offer. This world is so beautiful. Full of creatures that live their lives to the fullest. Full of nature and music. Full of reasons to laugh and be joyful. Full of reasons to dance.

That is what I am choosing to focus on. Enjoying friendships. Enjoying the ability to try new things. Enjoying a new found sense of peace. I get to create the story of what is to be my life and I want to make it a good one, not only that, but a happy one and that’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to make it so i go out of this life with a smile. Because life truly is beautiful and there is so much to be grateful for.

Thanks for reading! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below!

-Till next time!

Videos that make me smile! 


So yesterday sucked and I just started feeling sick so I’m gonna share with you all some of the videos that make me happy, because I need them and sharing them feels good. 

Anwho watch some, Russian roulette it to see if you got the over 1 long video. Laugh some. Learn that Markiplier trying not to laugh is amazing and that his laugh is absolutely contagious. Have some joy. We all need some. We all deserve some too.

-Till next time! 

Special: A Short Story 


A smile. That was the spark of it. It was me and him alone in the hallway, I looked up took in his face, his lips lifted up and my heart skipped a beat. Than he left. I went to my locker, picked up the books I needed and headed home. 

It was all so normal. A moment that shouldn’t have crossed my mind after it was over. Yet I felt something, something warm. 

Years have past and I can tell you now that nothing came from it. Nate was a boy I had known years before that moment and he is a man that is a true friend today. I got close to him after that day. We shared jokes, studied for exams in groups, told each other secrets, and gave a little piece of hearts to one another,  but we were never romantic. My heart that had started to beat for him was broken. Nate wasn’t a man for dating, at least, not until much later. I think I fell for him a little more just because of that. He’d laugh to hear all this now, maybe I will share this story with him soon, but most likely that will never come to pass. 

In my heart he was perfect. There was never a moment where he didn’t try to make me smile. He was and still is the biggest goofball, my Nate (I say this platonically now of course).  He became attuned to me, always made sure I was doing well. We had our seperate groups of course, but we became each other’s best friends and we still are. I never told him how I felt, I knew he had a soft spot for Lydia a mutual friend, though she had eyes for Marchel who she called, “Quietly handsome” something I would agree with, though we all know who I had eyes for. 

Nate never told Lydia that he liked her, when she finally confessed to Marchel and started dating him Nate confided in me. “I never seem to luck out do I?” 

He had looked so broken then, “I am happy she found a good guy though, Marchel would never hurt her. She derserves the best, even if the best doesn’t happen to be me.” He smiled.

This time that smile broke my heart. I knew in that moment, I could never tell him how I felt. I could never say how his emotion mirrored my own. No matter my feelings, Nate deserves the best too. Somehow, I also knew, that that person was never going to be me. 

I don’t think you can ever fall out of love with someone, not really. There is always a piece of you that stays with them. I eventually dated, there was Mark, Philip, Sean, and then Robert. I never stayed with anyone for long, well, except for Philip. I thought Philip could have been the one, a year and a half in and he cheated on me. I guess I too never have much luck in love. My heart still beats a little faster to see Nate’s smile. I know now I love it because when he smiles at you, you feel special, like your the only one that matters in that moment. I’m not his special someone. I’m now a loyal friend. Maybe one day a heart will beat fast to my own smile. Maybe one day they will be special to me. Maybe I will become special to them. 

Thanks for reading! This was a Valentines Day inspired short story. I have never dated anyone (or kissed for that matter) but I have fallen before and I wanted to see that kind of story represented. This story has a little slice of cheese, but I think that’s quite alright for the season. I hope you all have a lovely February!

Let me know what you think in the comments. How do you feel about the story? Are you interested in more short stories in the future? 

-Till next time!