Thanksgiving Gratitude Post

This year Thanksgiving feels different to me. I used to not care for it so much because I wasn’t always where I wanted to be for the holiday and it would always be awkward and with food I never cared for. This year. This year I realize I am where I want to be.

I’m at a time in my life where I’m excited. Excited about the future. Excited about all the amazing things that have seem to start pouring into my life lately. I’ve been feeling good far more often and my perception on life has changed immensely.

Also, the food this year was great! I enjoyed all of it and that’s the first time I’ve ever felt that. I find that a lot of traditional thanksgiving food is just not for me.

On another note, I feel deeply that I’m on the precipice of something big in my life changing. Something beautiful and happy. It’s been so strong in my mind for the past couple of months and with each passing day I feel it stronger still.

Maybe it’s not even one thing in my life that I feel is on the edge of changing. I once again feel so deeply myself more and more and I’m following my joy. This has lead me to writing again. It’s lead me to trying out makeup for the fun of it. It’s lead me to taking better care of my body and feeling good about what I wear and my body in general. It’s lead me to rest free on days I feel compelled to without judgement. I feel free and knowing that I did that for myself is so mind blowing and wonderful to me.

I know what it’s like to go through a deep depression. I know what thought spiraling yourself into a hole feels like. To have loved myself enough to free myself of that and feel fucking amazing every day is incredible. I’m so proud of the woman I have become. Someone who honors herself. Someone who cares about herself enough to let go of thoughts that bring her sadness and to start focusing on all the good that life has to offer. I did that. I’m not in the trenches fighting a war with my own mind anymore. I’m happy. If that’s not something to be grateful for then I don’t know what is.

Then, there’s the basic things I’m grateful for. Great music to dance to. That video of any animal on my feed. A great book to read. Seeing people happy and laughing with one another. Seeing random acts of kindness. Doing something that brings someone else a moment of joy. Having a place to sleep, eat, and shower at. Having a job. The coffee I’m drinking now at 12:24 am even though it is probably way too late for coffee. Having a tooth brush and toilet paper. Having the phone I’m typing on right now.

I’m in a place in my life of extreme gratitude. 2019 for me has been a year of learning and becoming the kind of woman I always wanted to be. It’s been a year of overcoming and going from barely just existing for a while to truly thriving. But most of all from living in fear to taking that fear and blowing it up in flames and replacing it all with things to be joyous about. Going from worrying about if I even deserve happiness to knowing I deserve the best of all that is. So much so that I am fully responsible for my own joy and happiness regardless of what is happening in my life.

I have transformed this year. If nothing else that’s the best gift I’ve ever given to myself.

Thank you all for reading! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below! What are you grateful for?

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My Thanksgiving

I didn’t expect it, but my Thanksgiving was the most normal and relaxed day I’ve had in a very long time. I might even call it peaceful. We had food, a lot of food. Pupusas, tamales, pumpkin pie, apple pie, and flan. Not your typical Thanksgiving, but what made for a great one in my family.

I sat and watched movies with my sister. Two horror movies, an thriller/action flick, and a romance. I enjoyed all of them. It felt like the much needed reprieve I’d been waiting for. Nothing big happened. Nothing changed. It was a day that just was and for that I am grateful.

It’s been hard to remember to be grateful recently. My family and I do not agree on a lot of things, but they will always be my family and I love them. I know that no matter what they’d never leave me behind. I’m grateful that at least I have a job. I hate it, but I have it. I forget to use it as the stepping stone to keep me afloat until a new door opens.

I also appreciate that even if so many doors have closed in my life recently, that I am young. I’m only 19. I have so many years ahead to figure life out. My journey has only began and yes a lot of sucky things have happened, but as they say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. For the first time since everything has happened I feel excited about the future in a way that is different from before. I’ve decided to focus on myself. To focus on the things I want to do with my life. I’m going to work hard and be true to me.

It is going to be slow going for a while. I have a lot of pain that I need time to start to heal. I have a lot of questions with no answers that I need to let go of. But, I think I have the ability to work things out. To get past the sadness. To do something I can be proud of with my life. Even to one day find a love that is good for me. Someone my family loves. Someone I can share everything with and who knows they can share anything with me.

I’m thankful for the life experiences that I’ve had. The good and the bad. It’s kept me with a decent head on my shoulders. I’m thankful for books and I’m thankful for movies. Stories give hope in the dark. I’m thankful for being alive. I have a chance to meet people and see amazing things. It’s a good time to be alive. I’m thankful for the opportunity to move forward. I’m going to do what I can to turn my life around and take the world by storm.

Thanks to all of you for reading! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below.

-Till next time!

A Letter To God 

Dear God, 

Today is Thanksgiving day here in America. As I am sure you are aware. I wanted to take some time to give thanks to you, for creating this crazy world. For guiding me and giving me the will to try my best. 

This is one of the hardest things for me to write, but I feel like it is necessary. You have given me so much love and respect and I wanted to give some back to you. 

This year has been crazy. Mixed with the good, the bad, and the awful, but I promise to do my best to be better and do a little good. To form my small little rebellion against the bad. 

I am so sorry to you and all around me for any wrong I may have committed. I ask for forgiveness. 

God, there has been so much anger and hatred in this world. I ask for the strength to fight back against hate and for extra guidance when I don’t quite know what to do. 

I’m so thankful, God. For my family. For the roof over my head. The bed I get to sleep in. The food I get to eat. The people that I have met. The ability to write. For books. For running water, heat, and utilities. I pray for those who do not have these things to be blessed with extra heat, a warm meal, a bath, warm clothes, and a compassionate heart to spend a little time with them. 

I am so thankful for this life. I love you, God. Thank you for being my light in the dark. 

Good night!