I have thought about what I wanted to do for this year for a good long time. I gave myself December to relax and feel good and prepare myself for 2022. I want to do a lot this year. In a very focused and determined way. I’m so excited.
The first thing I wanted to focus on was going back to school and become a pharmacy tech to make enough money to better support my family. At the same time after doing that working towards being a pharmacist.
In writing I wanted to focus on writing four first drafts this year. So one draft every three months. Starting with a pseudo paranormal horror that I’ve had in my brain forever. Which also means I’ll be watching some fun paranormal horror movies over the coming months to immerse myself in that mindset.
Also in writing I wanted to see if I could write a poetry book and self publish it. As of right now I’m not sure what theme it will have, but I’ll figure it out soon enough.
The last thing in writing I wanted to blog post every day. Which I feel like will actually happen this year because I’m going to have a monthly gift to myself for accomplishing my goals for each individual month.
As for reading I would like to start reading much more often and I hope to complete reading at least 50 books in 2022. To help with this I’m doing a monthly book exchange with a friend sharing our favorite books. For January I’m lending her Starfish and I can’t wait to hear what she thinks. Other then the book she’ll lend me, I will also be reading The Assignment by Liza Wiemer, Replica by Lauren Oliver, and Jack Kerouac is Dead to me by Gae Polisner. As well as two DC comics I was behind reviewing.
My other goal is exercise and it has my favorite prize attached to it if I keep it up all the way into September which is this super awesome Harley Quinn “Kill the Justice League” cosplay that I will buy and feel like a badass in should I keep my fitness goals throughout the year.
For January if I keep my goals I want to get myself this custom Red Riot Sweater. Something that I know I’ll never want to take off and that I’ll feel like I can do anything in. Which will be the perfect thing to wear over the year I want to do so much in.
This year will be about staying positive and motivated and progressing forward and embracing my life. I know that life happens and it can get difficult but I’m so ready to take on this year and do the best I possibly can.
THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below! Let me know what your goals are for 2022!
The past few weeks in particular have been a lot for me. In a way that’s both very anxiety inducing, but also contrasted by times that were full of joy and love. I know I get caught up often in how hard things are. Life recently has been a lot of slaps in the face, but also in spite of that I’ve chosen to feel the joy of life too and it’s helped so much.
Two weeks ago my sister was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, pre-diabetic, and they found extra blood platelets in her blood relating to something with her bone marrow that they are still testing and figuring out. Last week, our car breaks sounded awful and we had to take them in to be fixed. We still need the back breaks fixed but we have to wait.
However, this past week was also really great too. I went ice skating with my friends like we’ve had planned for weeks. My boyfriend sadly didn’t make it on the ice very long, but he said that he was happy to support from the sidelines. His offer to have us do this again and he could just watch me enjoy myself was so adorable and he’s the sweetest. After we played a game of munchkins and my best friend Marble won which was perfect, because she fell and injured herself on the ice.
The next day my aunts came down to visit with my mom, my sister, and I. It was really nice. I always love hearing the stories that are never usually told around the house.
All of that got me thinking. I’ve been afraid to be productive and pursue my passions because I feel like I’ve been waiting for things to blow up. Knowing my family’s health isn’t great. Knowing that the job climate right now is so rocky. That my wrists are injured and I have to keep going and not say anything anymore so I can keep my job. Knowing that our dog Gypsy is getting on in age and her legs are now really weak and she’s always breathing hard when she gets excited.
The anxiety of knowing I’m walking up to the top of a mountain and at some point things are going to start falling off the edge of it and I know I’m not mentally ready for it all to drop. Yet, I’m still living and I have these wonderful friends that have treated me better then any friends I’ve had my whole life. I have a boyfriend that has been the biggest support and the fuel for so much laughter and peace when I need it most. My relationship with my mom and my sister has been better then it has been in a long while. We are hopeful.
So with that hope I want to put my best foot forward. I want to start to write again. To read again. To not live in fear because things are going to fall apart. Because it is going to happen. There’s no doubt. My dad is terminally ill. My mom is getting older and my sister has some unknowns in her health that could be serious issues. I don’t know how much time I have left with my family. That’s the knowing I face everyday that makes me afraid.
But I know that they all want to see me do well. I know my dad wants me to stay positive. I know my mom has been pushing me to write for so long and she wants to see me published. I know my sister wants our candle business to continue to do better. We all want to be happy. We all want each other to be happy. I’m tired of holding back.
So I won’t. When things get hard I’ll take the time I need off then, but for now I want to make a start. I want to live. So I will. You all will be hearing from me again very soon.
THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below!
A long time ago I talked about my dad being very sick. I haven’t mentioned it in a long time mostly dealing with it on my own, but the other night and yesterday afternoon my dad had two episodes that seemed to indicate new mini strokes. I don’t know for sure if that is exactly what it was he didn’t want to be taken to the hospital, but it reminded me all the same that my time on this earth with my dad is limited.
I don’t know how much time I have left with my dad, but I know I want to make the best of it. I know there are certain parts of my life he will never experience by my side. However, one thing I hope he does experience is me writing a book and seeing if I can get it published. My dad is a big part of why I love stories and it’s funny too because he doesn’t like books. Growing up he used to tell me all these fantastic stories.
The other love he taught me was for animals. Especially for insects and among them most importantly to have a love and respect for bees. So, I really want to write and dedicate my bee book idea to my dad.
I know my dad will most likely never read it. He’s blind in one eye and further loosing vision in the other due to his strokes. He never had much patience for reading, but I want him to know that I wrote something for him. Inspired by the love he passed down to me.
Yesterday when I got home from work he talked to me and called me his Angel. That morning he had told me to think positive. So as hard as that is for me I will try. I will put my dad energy into doing something that will make him proud. At the very least have a first draft I can print out and put into his hands. So he would know how much his love has always meant to me.
I love my dad so much. I know cancer and the strokes have changed him so much, but nothing has ever changed his love for me. Even when he’s mad at my mom or wanting someone or something to blame for his illness when I come into the room he still treats me like his little girl.
I know my dad wants me always to remain strong. To always think positive no matter what and to pursue my dreams. So that’s exactly what I’ll do for the rest of my life. During my time on earth with him and during the time he passes on and I will carry him living inside my heart forever more.
THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Writing this brought me to tears, but it also helped me feel a sense of resolve. My one wish is that this post inspires those reading to be there for their loved ones now and to think positive. Thank you all for being here.
Sometimes it’s much easier to start new habits at the beginning of the month. It gives you a chance to set your intentions and to not make excuses and just go for what you want. This month I want to write. I want to read everyday. I want to wake up early and stay up so I can commit to everything I want to get done.
One of the biggest fuels to my anxiety has been trying over and over to recommit to my blog and not sticking to my commitment. Well, this month that all changes. I am ready.
This month my very first goal is to write a blog post everyday. I’ve been able to blog more and more frequently and I have plenty of posts ideas to get me started. There are also three different DC Comic Releases this month that I will be reading and reviewing that I am very excited about Whistle, Unearthed, and Beast Boy Loves Raven.
The other thing I’m actually going to do and stop stressing about is exercise. I’m going to watch some shuffle dance videos since at the moment I am very much focusing on treating my wrists and that’ll be a stress free way of allowing my body to heal and still keeping active. As well as the 100 squats / 100 sit-ups daily challenge.
Another thing I wanted to do is revisit writing in my write this story book and make that my routine for before I start my novel writing for the day: 10 to 20 minutes of writing a short story and then going into writing / researching my novel. I want to spend at least 30 minutes a day focused on writing my ‘bee girl’ novel.
My focus towards learning will be Duolingo and Khan Academy. I’ve been really wanting to take a chemistry class since I never took one in high school and so I’ll be taking one on khan academy doing a little lesson everyday.
When it comes to reading I know at the very minimum I am going to finish reading Spinning Silver no matter what.
I have been so close to done for a long while now. If I do things right I may even finish it today and write my review for tomorrow. However, that remains to be seen.
As far as games, I am committed to Fortnite right now. I’ve played pretty much daily and I’ve unlocked all the skins from season 7 (only thing left is literally 15 alien artifacts). Season 8 is very close now and I will be happy to do my routine to unlock all the skins all over again.
At the end of the month my goal is to feel proud. To feel like yes I did and enjoyed so much this month. That I enjoyed reading and I enjoyed writing and I spent quality time with my family and enjoyed times with my friends too and with my lovely boyfriend. With my hours at work now more manageable to give my wrists a chance to heal I want to heal some of the mental issues that have been plaguing me as well as feel more then my fair share of joy this month. I’ve spent too long in the opposite feeling.
THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below!
2020 was an awful year. I think all of us can agree on that. It’s also been a particularly strange year. There’s been some questionable things that have happened this year.
I’m happy to say good bye to 2020. I can’t say I’m not terrified of what’s to come. There’s certain things that I know have to come eventually and currently I’m not ready for it. Christmas Day my dad had to be taken to the hospital. He has been battling cancer for a long while now and we learned that the tumor has made his prostate the size of a small watermelon when it’s only supposed to be the size of a walnut. Which causes all kinds of complications in the body.
Also, the doctors never told us if his cancer has spread or not. Or if his bleeding was solely because his prostate is so large. Also, the fear of my mom taking my dad to the emergency room as Covid is out of control was some of the most terrifying anxiety I’ve ever experienced. The good news is he is home now and they are going to figure out if he is viable for surgery or not.
Fear. Fear for me is what drove 2020. Fear and hope and just doing my best to be happy and somehow having those wonderful happy moments I’ll cherish forever within this year.
This year has been exhausting and yet I’ve looked forward to each day because yes the world is terrible right now, but I can’t let myself seek in too despair constantly because what’s the point otherwise? I take comfort in the things I can do. The moments I can enjoy. Because those moments are what make life worth living.
This year I found a wonderful person I love and friends that have been amazing. People who have all made me laugh and feel a little lighter. People I’m proud to have by my side.
Covid has changed the world. Both slowed down and accelerated my life. Made me terrified and yet made me want to love those around me harder.
It’s a terrible year and yet it’s changed my life in good ways too. I have memories I’ll cherish for the rest of my life from this year. Yet, moments that will forever be remembered by the anxiety and fear I felt while living them.
2020 has brought out a lot of the worst in many people. A lot of a ‘who cares’ attitude that puts families like mine at risk. That fear will carry into 2020, because the pandemic isn’t over and I know it won’t be for a long while.
I’m happy to have the people in my life I have in my corner. Together, we’ve survived 2020. That in and of itself is enough of an accomplishment.
THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below!
One thing I took from Y’all West is something George M Johnson said about instead of coming out you are choosing to invite others in. Sharing a special something about yourself that matters. It’s a beautiful way to think about it.
I’ve thought about doing this for a while. It’s taken time for me to figure out innerly who I am. I spent most of my life pretending to myself that I was straight and well spoilers, but I’m definitely not.
The easier part that I have mentioned slightly is that I’m Demi-sexual which means I need an emotional connection with someone before I’m attracted to them. I blame that part for me taking so long to realize this second part, but I’m also pan-sexual. Feels strange to write it out. Yet, oddly I don’t feel the need to tear up the way I did when I was talking about it with one of my friends.
I’ve called myself straight for so long that I hid my truth to the point where I couldn’t see it despite it staring me dead in the face. I can be attracted to anyone regardless of gender and yes I do love masculinity and I’m a little more attracted to masculine presenting people, but I do find femininity to be attractive as well.
I have considered myself to be an ally for a long time. Just really supportive of the community and knowing that everyone deserves to love and express themselves in a way that aligns with the truth of who they are. It took me time to discover my truth and that’s ok.
So.. I guess all this is to say “Hi! My name is Tiana Wolfe and I’m Demi/pan sexual.” It feels good to say it to read the words and know them to be true. It feels like me.
Thank you all so much for being here. For being a part of my life’s journey. For supporting me. I feel so happy to be on a community where I feel comfortable enough to be open about my truth. You all are truly something special.
THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below!
It’s only been four months into 2020 and so much in my life has changed. Things I thought were real turned out to be lies. I’ve found myself growing more friendships then I have in my entire life. Found someone really special that I care about very much. Learned so much about myself and healed so much that I didn’t realize was still hurting me.
Then, this weekend Y’all West happened and I realized just how much I’ve missed books. I hadn’t felt that passion for books and the community and reading and writing in ages. I felt freed once more. Last year was one where I was in deep pain and I felt like nothing mattered at all and I was desperate to just take care of myself. Now, now I feel like I’m ready to move forward again. To be myself again to the full extent that I was always meant to.
It’s been so crazy because I’ve had to face my fears so head on with all that’s come to pass with Quarantine and my dad being at risk with his cancer and just that fear when I went to the store no longer having a car only able to carry what we had in our hands and seeing almost nothing we could use for food on the shelves. I panic messaged my partner in crime and he helped me stay sane in the face of such insanity.
I’ve realized that this year has been all about reclaiming the heart of who I am again. Realizing that I am capable and that I can deal with the difficulties and not make them define who I am. That I can let things go and find ways to be authentic to who I am and my wants and not feel guilty for wanting them.
I couldn’t read or write for so long cause it was such a deep reminder of pain and I couldn’t deal with it. The end of last year I reclaimed my happiness. Now it’s time to reclaim my passion and my authenticity. I know myself very well. Taking a year of just thinking and wondering and you end up learning more about yourself then you ever knew.
My day to day path forward is now so clear to me. I feel so much better and so much more capable then I’ve ever felt. I feel like I can be myself. That I can do what I need to to be happy. To tell stories again. My heart is literally soaring right now. I feel so amazed to be here. I’m just happy to be alive.
THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below!
This is the first ever time I’ve gotten the chance to attend Y’all west. I’m honestly pretty happy it’s online this time. I’ve never had the chance to attend dispute begging my mom every single year and for the first time this book nerd is getting to participate! This post is going to be all about Saturdays webinars. Things I loved. What I participated in. Any fun surprises that I got to experience. This is the all access post I’ve wished to read for ages.
I woke up way before my alarm went off. I was just so excited! I’m so happy to be a part of this today. It’s just incredible. I’ve always wanted to and ahhhh I’m just so happy!
9 am: I read YA @ Home
To start I’m super excited to check out The Bridge! Hearing Bill’s story was something special. If I read any book from this panel I want it to be this one. It sounds so beautiful. I love how he talked about it. His personal struggle with suicidal ideation. God I loved how he decided to create something beautiful out of something so hard. I can’t wait to read it one day!
I love Jennifer! I’m just finishing reading the fourth book of her Deep Blue series and I love it. I’m so excited to read Poisoned! I’ll always read anything she writes!
Leah is a sweetheart. I loved hearing about You Should See Me in a Crown. I loved that she was just winging it and was growing up along with her character. It’s super cool. Every authors journey is different. Her story was so fun to hear about!
I didn’t realize that Jennifer was rejected for so long. It’s amazing that she went from that to being such an inspiration to me and so many others. It’s so wonderful to hear.
10 am: Opening Ceremony + Teanote AM Keynote
A fun little start to the festival. A cute little happy time. I loved it. I loved the cute little outfits. I haven’t read Little Women, but it was so fun to hear them discuss it all. Jo & Laurie sounds like such an adorable story. I’d love to check it out someday. The sisterly love in the panel was amazing. I enjoyed them talking about writing together. Such a cute panel.
11 am: Creativity in the Time of Corona
A fun time. This cast was really fun to watch. It was all about being kind to yourself and taking it day by day. Things definitely have changed. That it’s enough to take care of yourself and it’s such a pure and loving thought. All of them are such beautiful souls. It was really freeing to hear them talk. I loved it. That living and enjoying life is just as important as the work that your passionate about. Pretty much a do what you want and what’s best for you type of advice. It’s such a lovely thing.
On a side note hearing about how they write for video games was fascinating! I adored that aspect. Such an interesting and fun thing!
12 am: Modern Magic World-building
God I love fantasy. I love listening to all these fantasy authors talk about fantasy. It’s just the best feeling. I love what Adalyn Grace said about always chasing magic. I’ve always done that. God I love this so much. Essentially writing fantasy is such fun and that’s what makes it so fun to read. It’s pure escapism and what it reflects on the world after is a bonus. Everyone’s processes for writing fantasy was really fun to hear about.
As a side note every word out of Frances Hardinge’s mouth is a gem. She’s such a fun person to hear talk. I love her mind and the way she expresses herself it’s so delightfully wonderful.
This awesome answer came during this that I’m glad I saved cause otherwise it would’ve disappeared forever:
1 pm: Middle Grade Truth or Dare
Fun and cute panel. I wasn’t going to join in, but it’s been a gem of a panel. The banter between Ally Condie and Brendan Reichs was just so fun. I was laughing the whole time. The sarcasm was awesome and I got a lot of book recommendations for things I’ve never heard of that sound amazing.
2 pm: Truth Talking in Tough Times
This was a really interesting panel. Super informative. Very fun. Just a bunch of badass women talking badass things. Amazing! The toughest parts of life can inspire such hope and amazing ability to overcome. I loved watching this. Also how friendship can be a powerful tool for amazing things. As well as how powerful love can be in times of struggle. I especially want to read Lobizona. It sounds absolutely incredible.
Also the amount of empowerment and belief in the youth of our generation is beautiful. I love every one of these authors. This talk was amazing.
3 pm: Facing the Enemy: Hope, War, and Revolution
I love the female energy on this panel. All the books sound amazing. Feels like a chill podcast, but just with these amazing authors just talking about stuff. It’s so fun. I loved there ideas on hope. That was my favorite part of the panel. No matter what there is always hope and everything can just get a little bit better and a little bit better.
4 pm: This American Experience
Bill is back!!!! Yes! This panel is going to be amazing.
I love this panel it’s a very interesting and unique group of authors with all incredible books that I can’t wait to check out. I’ve been so immersed in the conversation, It’s been so powerful to me. Every person on this panel is amazing. All the books sound absolutely incredible and they all effect change and stand for creating a better world. It’s so empowering and hopeful. I love it.
Also having a white women whose very aware of being white among many marginalized authors in different ways was interesting. The conversation was a very unique one and I enjoyed it very much.
Edit: I do feel the need to address the fact that despite enjoying the chat and the authors dealing gracefully with a moderator that clearly should not have been the moderator. I’m linking the tweet to what was said and what the issues were. https://twitter.com/nekuthebooklock/status/1254227203971309568?s=21 this does not negate the fact that the discussions each author had about their book in spite of her was amazing to listen to.
5 pm: PM Keynote with Brandon Sanderson
Some straight advice on writing. Although I personally don’t entirely agree with it. It’s not really how I believe. It was interesting to hear, but it’s not exactly how I personally see dreams and what one is capable of. Or that it was framed in a way that resonated with me personally. I’m an optimist. I mean I get the ideas he’s discussing, but in reality I think it’s more that it’s forgetting the fact that we all start somewhere. That it isn’t an instant rise to everything we want, but it’s certainly possible. Even probable.
Here’s the thing although it’s not framed in the way I would put it, it’s basically the formula for releasing resistance (rather the ideas that would make you give up and make it harder to get published). So I have taken a bit of value from his story. I’ve seen things differently. But, weirdly it’s not so different from what I see and believe. Just in a very round about way.
His second point though is super solid advice. Being human means your interested in many things and that writing doesn’t have to be this innate thing that you live and breath and nothing else matters. It’s important to balance out your life and figure out what you want and how you work.
Also making things manageable in pieces is really important. Small goals are better then just having that big picture in your mind. It’s about the journey not just the end goal. Which is just the truth of big projects.
Favorite thing he said though is that writing books is like telepathy. Cause thinking about it it’s so true.
What you can do today is a wonderful mentality to have.
Side note macaw was adorable. He can use the force and it’s amazing!
6 pm: YALL Stay Home Smackdown
Just the opening was the best. So funny. I love whiplash. God this was the best. This ending has been glorious and light and funny and the best ever. I love everyone on the panel. It’s amazing. I love y’all west. It’s been wonderful.
Look at all these beauties.
Also highlight from Author Cribes:
God this was so funny. I loved it.
Then the pet roast with all the wonderful pets:
This cat is 90 in human years. Such an amazing one.
Then there was Masterpiece Emoji. Which was also so much fun to watch!
Then of course the ending dance party:
I can’t say how much fun I had today or how much this event and being able to finally participate has felt for me. It’s been absolutely incredible. I’m filled with so much love for this community. It’s been such a blissful day. Being an author is everything I want and just to finally be a part of this as a reader… it’s incredible.
I’m so excited for tomorrow!
THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below!
My life is not the same as it once was, but neither is it the same for anyone else during these times. I had a lapse from myself yesterday and the night before and I’m still learning. I’m still learning to focus on what actually is important.
Right now, there really isn’t anything going on that I can’t handle. There isn’t anything that I haven’t already learned how to deal with and sometimes a lapse in judgement is ok.
My life is going pretty good honestly, all things considered. That’s what I’m going to focus on. All the things that are going well. I have so much to look forward to. So much to enjoy about life in this moment.
I have everything I need to create a life I can be proud to say that I have lived. I have everything I need to do something wonderful with my life. So that’s what I’m going to focus on. Being my best self and creating a life I can be proud of.
THANK YOU ALL FOR READING! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below!
A note: As a child, I always had stuffed animals. I never slept without them. I never thought about anything bad while holding one and they helped me to feel safe. I know that this poem is sad, but it is in essence a hopeful one. Those bad situations come to an end and there is always hope for bright spots in the future. Christmas to me is about hope and from that this poem was born.
Thank you all for reading! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below!
The Book Raven 