Cover Rating: 10/10 I appreciate this cover all the more having completed the book. I love all the symbolism in the cover and how true it is to the book. It’s beautiful.
Publisher: St. Martins Press
Publish Date: February 16th, 2021
Number of Pages: 304
Received: Netgalley provided an e-arc in exchange for an honest review.
Sparks fly between two teens as they grapple with grief, love, and the future in this unforgettable debut novel sure to entice fans of Jandy Nelson and Jennifer E. Smith
Eighteen-year-old Amelia Griffin is obsessed with the famous Orman Chronicles, written by the young and reclusive prodigy N. E. Endsley. They’re the books that brought her and her best friend Jenna together after Amelia’s father left and her family imploded. So when Amelia and Jenna get the opportunity to attend a book festival with Endsley in attendance, Amelia is ecstatic. It’s the perfect way to start off their last summer before college.
In a heartbeat, everything goes horribly wrong. When Jenna gets a chance to meet the author and Amelia doesn’t, the two have a blowout fight like they’ve never experienced. And before Amelia has a chance to mend things, Jenna is killed in a freak car accident. Grief-stricken, and without her best friend to guide her, Amelia questions everything she had planned for the future.
When a mysterious, rare edition of the Orman Chronicles arrives, Amelia is convinced that it somehow came from Jenna. Tracking the book to an obscure but enchanting bookstore in Michigan, Amelia is shocked to find herself face-to-face with the enigmatic and handsome N. E. Endsley himself, the reason for Amelia’s and Jenna’s fight and perhaps the clue to what Jenna wanted to tell her all along.
Ashley Schumacher’s devastating and beautiful debut, Amelia Unabridged, is about finding hope and strength within yourself, and maybe, just maybe, falling in love while you do it.
Opening Sentence: “Everyone has a story about the first time they read the Orman Chronicles.”
Musings:
When I started this book and quickly realized it was about grief I thought that it was going to be a much heavier read and I got nervous. However, I realized that while this book is about grief it is also about love, hope, finding yourself, and making your own choices about who you want to be in life.
This story is so beautiful. It made me smile from ear to ear and it made me laugh so hard. I loved Endsley’s big floppy brain dead dog. That dog was a part of so many precious moments in this book and I wish more books had more fun including animals in it like this. All the moments with him were absolutely incredible.
This book absolutely made me tear up. I still felt the grief along with Amelia. Yet, even though Jenna is dead from the first few chapters of the book, she lives throughout the pages. We get to learn about her and come to love her and appreciate the effect she left on Amelia’s life and the adventure she went on because of what happened to Jenna. It’s beautifully woven and I adored it.
This book is also just one of those books for book lovers. It has such a beautiful appreciation for the written word and even though Amelia stops reading after Jenna dies, you still feel the effect that books have had on her and the love she still has for books. This is basically every bookworms contemporary fantasy romance. It made me so happy.
This is another one of those books that I feel everyone needs to read and experience the journey of it for themselves. It’s a whirlwind and it has these amazing descriptions and heartfelt introspections that are so incredible. It feels magical in the way that reality can sometimes be magical, even as something terrible started it all. It’s what the core of what living and loving is all about. I loved this book!
I started this blog several years ago and back then I struck on something beautiful that I wasn’t ready to keep up with in the years that followed. I have done a lot of living since then. That’s a new perspective of how I see those years I didn’t read or write as much, but even as I’ve fought over and over to come back it wasn’t till the beginning of this month that I really come back into my own.
Reading has brought me back to a feeling I had forgotten. That reading wasn’t so much me escaping away from reality, but discovering the life lessons that helped me build the person I wanted to be. I admire the protagonists in books and their lofty goals and their willingness to be uncomfortable for the sake of accomplishing their dreams.
I remember a time where I did a book challenge and I read and reviewed books for something like 56 days in a row. I remember the burn out at the end of it and the disconnect from the reviewing process that happened and reviewing felt like a chore for a long time after.
Even though that particular experience was years ago, I still noticed that I had a hard time finding the desire to review the books I read until recently. Reviewing books felt like a chore that felt necessary, but I began to hate to do it.
Yet, the beginning of this month came and as I read again and rejoined netgalley and started to enjoy books and feel the benefits of what a book had inside of it to give me, I felt that spark of wanting to review them again. That desire to share with others that what I just read gave me something that is worth sharing. The passion that I feel for books that I want to share it because I love it so much. The piece of the puzzle of myself I had taken out and put in a lost corner only to rediscover it and put it back in its place. To even create more of those puzzle pieces and build a brighter passion in me.
Reviewing a book is saying thank you to the authors for the gifts they’ve given us. It’s saying this touched me and it changed me and I hope that it’ll change others too. It’s a butterfly effect that will lead to more and more that we can’t even imagine or see. I truly believe in the power of books and we normally don’t extend that power to the books reviews, but I do believe they have a lasting effect.
I am so happy to be back and I am so happy that I have found a new truth because of it all. I can’t wait for the stories that will touch my life and I can’t wait to share them with all of you.
Cover Rating: 10/10 this is the most perfect cover this book could have. This is Tilla embracing the storm wearing the butterfly necklace her father gave her and you appreciate the cover all the more having finished the book.
Publisher: St. Martins Press
Publish Date: May 4th, 2021
Number of Pages: 400
Received: Netgalley provided an e-arc in exchange for an honest review.
Synopsis: In this sweeping debut, Asha Bromfield takes readers to the heart of Jamaica, and into the soul of a girl coming to terms with her family, and herself, set against the backdrop of a hurricane.
Tilla has spent her entire life trying to make her father love her. But every six months, he leaves their family and returns to his true home: the island of Jamaica.
When Tilla’s mother tells her she’ll be spending the summer on the island, Tilla dreads the idea of seeing him again, but longs to discover what life in Jamaica has always held for him.
In an unexpected turn of events, Tilla is forced to face the storm that unravels in her own life as she learns about the dark secrets that lie beyond the veil of paradise―all in the midst of an impending hurricane.
Hurricane Summer is a powerful coming of age story that deals with colorism, classism, young love, the father-daughter dynamic―and what it means to discover your own voice in the center of complete destruction.
Opening Sentence: “Mom says you get two birthdays.”
Musings:
*There are spoilers*
This book is about embracing the destruction of life. The pain your family, your friends, and life itself scars your heart with. I needed to read this book at this point in my life. When every new day has felt like another hurricane. Even just writing this and remembering how it felt to read this book tears are forming in my eyes.
Tilla is a warrior. I admire her strength. I admire how in the end she puts herself first and decides to poor her love into herself instead of using people, places, or things to fill that aching void. Her relationship with her father killed me because as my dad’s dementia has gotten worse I’ve come to know a new father who has left scars on my own heart. I may be with my dad everyday. I have not been abandoned in the way Tilla gets abandoned over and over by her dad. However, I have experienced that moment where you look at your parent and you no longer see a hero and you understand that your parent will never be your champion or hero again and the acceptance of that is so hard.
The scars Tilla gets from the ideas about sexuality among the family she stays with in Jamaica are devastating. To have sexual assault be forced upon you is a fate I wish for no one to ever have to experience. On top of it for her to be blamed for it and have to deal with the feeling of shame and dirtiness of what was forced upon her hurts so much. It wasn’t her fault. Sexual assault is never the victims fault. It is beautiful to find that strength within herself to stand up for herself, but the lack of support all around just broke me.
The other part of this book that was so interesting to me was the racism within the people of Jamaica. The light skinned with lighter colored eyes were practically worshipped and the darkest skinned were beaten and treated like trash. I had thought that among black people that colorism would be much less between each other. Racism seems to be taught and expected in the culture in a way that shocked me. To the point where Tilly’s father is called Massa (which means master) by Andre as a sign of “respect”. The practice being something of a tradition passed down from the slavery times in Jamaica.
The issues of wealth and poverty too was a shock for me. Not so much that there’s poor people in Jamaica, but the way they see and treat Tilla because of her coming from foreign and her having more access to privilege. Tilla does everything she can to try and fit in and not anger anyone, but it happens anyway, because all the people see is a privileged princess and they treat her pretty horribly for it.
The other particular person that just boiled my blood was one of her uncles. He beats Andre and he also beat up one of the aunts for not serving him his food the way he wants it. Yet every person looks away and says nothing. They just shrug it off and say he was diagnosed with a blood cancer so it’s ok. It filled my heart with rage. If you can’t stand up for what’s right nothing will ever change. It’s not ok to let abusers to abuse. Tilla is the only person that stands up to him and everyone tells her to leave it alone and it drove me crazy.
I am glad for the ending. I am glad for Tilla embracing the storm and the destruction. I needed to hear it. I also have experienced culture different from how I want to see the world and how toxic some old ideas can be. Yet I have to accept that there’s a brokenness in people that no one can fix except for themselves. I have to accept that I have to create myself and I have to move forward and make my life the way I want it, but I cannot expect anything of anyone else. Everyone is responsible for healing their own pain and I can’t do it for anyone other then myself. I have to embrace the hurricane that lives inside me.
All in all:
I 100% recommend hurricane summer. I think that everyone should read it. It’s rare to see a book that embraces all that aches inside it and transforms it all into something positive and beautiful. You will never be the same after reading it and it’s for the better.
Hi it’s Tiana your resident book raven back again! I hope that you all have a wonderful year in 2024!
Even though the end of 2023 really knocked the wind out of me and I am still under the weather I am so excited to talk about the plans I have for 2024.
A new job:
I am going to be applying everywhere I can for remote work in the new year. I really need a full time work from home position that pays better then the current job I have. Working from home I’ll have more flexibility and I’ll be able to not be far from my dad in his final stages of dementia.
Raise money for a game writing course:
I want to do a game writing course this year that is taught by a man who worked on the game God of War in 2018. It’s a $3,000 course that is not currently in my budget, but hopefully a higher paid job/possibly selling extra candles/art work/selling a short story collection or novel could work out well for me.
Write and a whole lot:
I want to actually finish writing projects this year. I want to write and put myself out there and feel accomplished that I actually did what I set out to do for once. That next to daily blogging (yes for real this time) will make me feel like I’m finally making something of the career of my choice that I am passionate about.
Exercise and eating right:
In 2024 I really need to consume less sugar. I love sweet snacks way too much. I need to slow down on that and eat healthier foods at better proportions and that will be a huge help to a healthier mind and body. As soon as I get over this sickness exercise will become a priority. Even if it’s something small everyday. If I do manage to get a remote job and work from home I will be home more often and have time to do a proper exercise regimen. All of that is really important for the betterment of myself and my mental and physical health.
Reading Goals:
I want to read at least for 30 minutes everyday. I want to make that my downtime to relax and give myself a sense of peace at the end of the day. Grab a book and drink a nice tea and feel good. Since it is a new year I think I am going to be optimistic and say I want to read 100 books this year. I only read 12 books last year due to just having a rough year in so many ways and I think I can manage to up that a lot by daily reading and getting myself back into the bookish world again.
Gaming Goals:
Besides enjoying Honkai Star Rail and Fortnite with my friends I ultimately want to finish the metro series in the new year. It is my boyfriend’s favorite games and after I’d love to pick up the novels the games were based on and be able to nerd out about them with my boyfriend. Other than that I’m open to whatever gaming experiences await me in the new year.
Ultimate Goal:
I want to be happier in 2024. I want to do my best so that I can live my life the way that feels best to me. To have adventures. To have financial security. To pursue what I love most. I want to make 2024 a year I prove to myself I have healed enough from the hardships of previous years to be the best version of myself. To feel so much joy.
I wish you all the best in the new year. I hope whatever your goals are that you may meet them and that the challenges aren’t too overly massive and that you can meet them all head on. Here’s to 2024. Let’s make it a good year!
I cannot say how crazy the past couple of weeks have been for me. I have had a lot of days that were very emotionally draining as well as days I have been incredibly tired and then days where I just felt like I need to take a break from the difficult parts of life and relax.
However, during the process of feeling and relaxing and letting myself have that time off again even though it wasn’t something that I wanted to have to do again after doing so well blogging for a long while I found myself watching booktube. Watching bookish and writing content on YouTube used to be much more commonplace for me in a different time in my life when I first started blogging. Everything bookish was my whole life and being at that time. But, the past couple of years after a long while of being completely severed from it for the most part I have found that delicious spark once more.
Watching booktube I have found many writing and blogging projects that I want to try out and do over the long term. The first of which I will be announcing tomorrow. But, the main thing is the feeling that because of the kind of ways I will be challenging myself for those posts, I will be writing a whole lot more and very regularly. Which means that daily blogging feels very possible and probable for me and so even though I very clearly failed at it the past several times I’ve announced wanting to do this. This time I feel I have a lot more substance and a clearer routine to try and follow and to accomplish what I am setting myself out to do.
One of the things I enjoy about the idea of this challenge is being able to see my stats progress and to see all the posts that I managed to write in those 365 days. Which, the way that I am thinking of having my routine go may end up being more then just the one post per day sometimes and that’ll be fun to see.
For posterity purposes here are my current stats:
As you guys can see when I’m not posting often my stats aren’t really the best that they could be, but I want to see over a year how much that changes and maybe make this a legacy thing for the next several years and see what a dedicated blogger gets over the next 5 to 10 years of daily blogging or even 25 years later from now. I know that’s very ambitious and hard for me to say if that’s possible but I will save this original post and come back to it every year I manage to do this and reflect on all that comes from it over the years. Technically I missed my blogging anniversary this year. It was my 7th year with this blog which feels incredibly crazy to me. I’ve always known that I was meant to fully come back to this and I think now is the time.
I want this to be my life. Being creative for my job and be able to share my stories with the world however that unfolds for me. I need to give myself permission to restart and allow the moments in the past I needed to stop in the past even more recently the grace and the peace that they deserve. If I’m struggling from now on I will elect to share that when I’m comfortable. When I’m looking for distraction I will turn to writing about something wholesome that makes me happy, but from now on I won’t give up writing anymore. The book raven has rested her wings for a good long time and now she’s looking to the skies to take her flight and see where this long journey will take her.
THANK YOU ALL FOR READING!
If you would like a commission of a simple line art drawing or a poem based on anything of your choice for $5 let me know down in the comments! Proceeds will go towards editing and finding amazing artists to commission for book covers for my future projects. It’s a way of supporting me while I am able to give something back to you as well!
In the absence of reading with the desperate passion I once had for many years I had forgotten the lessons I had learned from hundreds of stories. In life we will all be faces with odds that feel insurmountable and we will make mistakes and we will fall, but none of those things are the end of the story. Even when you feel like you have absolutely no options in your life you have no idea of the opportunities our there to get back up and have hope.
Hope is a thing that should never die. For when hope dies we give in to calamity, numbness, and allow the world to decide for us what will be done. Life is undoubtedly hard. It is heartbreaking and scary and the truth is we don’t know what tomorrow will bring. It is a double edge of hope and sorrow for that to be true. Another truth is that until the day you last draw breath there is hope still. No matter how horrible the thing is you are going through. No matter how deep your hardship it is only when we are buried in the ground when it is all well and truly over.
I love books because no matter how fantastic they are the beating of the rhythm of real hope is what lies within their pages. The lessons to be learned are real. In their words we realize that we can overcome darkness and we make our own choices and mistakes and even so things can still work out. Even reading a tragedy we can find the actions we don’t wish to take and process feelings of grief about uncontrollable ends.
Books were the reason I kept going forward with a smile for so many years. To know I experienced such a deep tragedy that I gave up the thing that helped me experience true hope breaks my heart. Books are the reason I believe in true love and second chances and overcoming impossible odds. I had forgotten. But in time I have come back and found that remembering that my story is no where near an end and I don’t know what’s around the corner for good or for bad. So I should never give up. I should stand again and try and start over as many times as I need. I have no idea the treasures and adventures that await me. For the first time in a good while I feel the brightest hope I ever have.
THANK YOU ALL FOR READING!
If you would like a commission of a simple line art drawing or a poem based on anything of your choice for $5 let me know down in the comments! Proceeds will go towards editing and finding amazing artists to commission for book covers for my future projects. It’s a way of supporting me while I am able to give something back to you as well!
I want to preface this by saying I have not yet gone to see the Barbie movie. This stems from the standpoint of working near several movie theaters and seeing the sheer amount of movie coming to see Barbie in pink. I want to see this movie so bad and it’s made me want to talk bout it even before I step foot in the place I will watch it.
Barbie has been a staple of the toy world since 1959. The blonde who does it all took the world by storm everyday since and millions of people grew up playing with the doll and her many toy sets over the years. So of course when the announcement hit that a Barbie movie would be released and it would be made with the most passion and love for the doll and all she stands for the world got excited.
I saw it first hand seeing the sea of pink on release day. Outfits of all kinds. Women in pink hijabs. Men in Barbie t-shirts and even pink suits. Women wearing classic Barbie styles to her more high fashion looks. People of every walk of life of all kinds of sexuality and gender wearing pink and looking so happy to be doing it. Barbie has always been the symbol for if you can dream it you can do it. No matter what your skin color, religion, background, or sexuality you can be and do any thing that you desire.
I am genuinely so proud of all the men that showed up in pink. I don’t have enough words to say how much it meant to me to see something happen like this that I feel wouldn’t have happened not so long ago. There were a group of four full grown men in Ken branded jean jackets. So many wearing pink along with their girlfriends. Gay men in the most gorgeous pink outfits absolutely slaying their looks. I was so excited to see this couple that bought from me wearing pink and when I mentioned it the guy said it was his first time he ever wore the color. He looked absolutely amazing in it! I told him so and I could tell he really appreciated the compliment.
I really have to say it but everyone looks amazing in pink. It is one of the most flattering and fun colors out there. There was not a single person in pink I thought looked bad. It was constant joy for me to see.
More importantly what it meant to see everyone of every walk of life wear it. That we are evolving. We are making steps towards a more inclusive society. That men are allowing themselves to explore something that felt previously locked away for them because of the stigma that wearing pink has. That groups of men are wearing it and going to see the movie on their own and acknowledging that Barbie truly is for everyone. That pink is for everyone.
Seeing it and knowing that it was a good experience for everyone to make the choice to get all dressed up in pink. To even get dressed up for a movie the first place and have a blast the whole time. That’s the most fun way for me to see that some real change is stirring.
Also knowing that the Barbie movie is feminist af and seeing on twitter that it’s starting conversations for people about the patriarchy and feminism in general and the effects that will have. The fact that conservatives are leaving 1 star reviews because of that overall inclusive message also shows that this movie is doing its job. I can’t wait to see it for myself.
I want to see that energy being carried out more in the future. Pure love and good times for all in their own ways. People not letting fear and hatred control their ability to live and let live. When everyone lives for their joy the best of humanity is allowed to show itself. That’s what I saw in Barbies opening days and I hope this ripples and carries a new generation onto a better path along the way.
I truly believe that there is more good in the world then there is bad. I also believe that the more that people realize how good it is to be yourself and to not be judged will encourage people to be less judgmental of themselves and others. For the men (especially straight men) out there I am so proud to see so many of you are learning that there are a million ways to be a man and that being vulnerable or doing something a little flamboyant doesn’t make you “gay” or less of a man. Also to start understanding that you don’t have to use the word gay as a negative context and to be supportive of those who are even if you are not. Accepting yourself and others for who they are and celebrating people for their diversity will make this world a more joyful place.
I am happy to be witnessing the death of toxic masculinity for so many men out there. Men who will inspire more men to be themselves. Barbie has always been that for the world. I truly feel hope for the future of humanity.
THANK YOU ALL FOR READING!
If you would like a commission of a simple line art drawing for $5 let me know down in the comments! Proceeds will go towards editing and finding amazing artists to commission for book covers for my future projects. It’s a way of supporting me while I am able to give something back to you as well!
The past week or so I have taken a break to try and figure out what I want to do going forward. I feel nervous even writing this because it’s a decision that is going to make the future kinda uncertain for right now, but I think it is the right choice for me to make.
I was searching all last week for an online associates program to go into pharmacy and finish my schooling and the only program that felt good to me was for a certificate and it wouldn’t be giving me what I needed to go from associates to bachelors and so on to become a pharmacist. In a way it’d make the process even longer.
So what I decided is to full on go for writing instead. Write my own books and self-publish them on Amazon and write for my life. It is super scary because there are absolutely zero guarantees on this path. It also means that this blog will go from my hobby to my job and I am going to be truly hustling for my money.
This means a ton of reading and writing challenges from now on. It means that this blog is going to have very frequent posts.
Mostly what it means is that I am excited and terrified and of course I had decided this a few days ago and didn’t write this yet because I am afraid, but that’s ok and this is going to work out and I am going to be on one of the wildest journeys of my life from now on.
So it’s time to stop talking about doing these things to actually doing them. I hope you all enjoy my works and I can’t wait to get them out to you very soon.
Also, I think it’s important to note that I’m scared because my life has had so much chaos lately that making a step for myself is horrifying. I have lived my life for everyone else my whole life. I got good grades because it was expected of me. I got the job I have right now to support my family even though I have no passion for it. I wanted to go to college because that’s the expectation of someone with good grades to get a secure job so I can be the person I’m expected to be.
Choosing to write is choosing the unexpected. It’s choosing myself and in a way its choosing to face failure because I will no longer be the person that is doing what is expected. It is a selfish and unsafe choice. But, after searching inside myself I kept feeling like there’s a reason that I was blocked from going into pharmacy and a reason that I am in the position I am in now. I was always meant to be a writer. So that is what I will do. I will write. I will write with fear and passion and abandon. I will put myself out there and keep going. This is what going for your dream is and it’s time for me to start choosing my own dreams.
THANK YOU ALL FOR READING!
If you would like a commission of a simple line art drawing for $5 let me know down in the comments! Proceeds will go towards editing and finding amazing artists to commission for book covers for my future projects. It’s a way of supporting me while I am able to give something back to you as well!
A part of me hates writing this because again it’s the same thing with me over and over and over again where I am excited to be back to blogging and I write posts everyday for a while and then my life decides to get real crazy again and mentally I check out from absolutely everything and nothing gets done and I stop blogging and I feel like a mess.
Right now I feel the stress in my body and my emotions are high and I need to breath. Part of it is that the biggest thing that’s going on right now is something I can’t talk about. I can’t do what I usually do and get it all out and get reassurance that it’s going to be ok. It’s hard when you know you’ve made a choice about something and you know why you made it and why it was the best choice for you, but in the end you have no idea how it will turn out and if the risk you took will pan out the way you hope or if things are about to blow up in your face.
The other part is that I have set in motion something that I know will be really great for me in about 2 years, but currently may have consequences that will be very difficult to deal with in the now. The hardest part is that the consequences could potentially be pretty bad, but also might go in a direction where I will be completely normal and pretty much the same as it was before, but the not knowing is what is killing me.
This is a decision I made for myself for the betterment of my life and my family’s life down the line, but because of the risk my family isn’t 100% supportive. In some ways I understand why, but when I think about all the other factors I made the only correct choice for my situation that I could’ve made. After it’s all over I’ll be able to talk about it and why I made this choice and what consequences there were and all of that stuff that I don’t know currently.
On top of that things at home are well… pretty off balance. I am not sleeping well because of worry over a lot of the health/stress/depression issues everyone in my family is having. I am trying to do one important life thing I need to do everyday because I am kinda behind on a good amount of things I really need to get done. I feel sad that I’m not keeping up with promises I’ve made to myself and others about drawing and writing and reading more often. Even not doing those things I feel very tired and very overwhelmed.
I have a new school to find and books to read and write and dreams to chase. Right now it really does feel like everything is cracking and breaking around me. Somehow last night YouTube recommended to me that I watch a video by Markiplier titled ‘Watch This Video When You’re Feeling Down’. So I took a breath and I started the video and by the end of it I was sobbing. It’s a video he made 5 years ago that I somehow missed seeing that was recommended to me in one of the most uncertain times of my life.
Almost everything he talked about were things I needed to hear at that moment. There is something powerful about him saying that he believes in you. In a lot of things it’s not so much that I feel that others aren’t believing in me, but that I am down on myself and I am struggling to believe in me. In the video he acknowledges how we get down on ourselves and said it’s ok to feel sad and down and that right now may look bad, but he really and truly believes that you can get through it.
So I’m taking that message to heart and allowing myself to move forward even though I’m scared and uncertain. That I trust that I made the choice that was best for myself and I need to focus on the things I need to do and focus on the things I am passionate about.
It is a hard road, but one I need to take and I hope at the end I can tell you all the details and come out of it stronger. In the coming days I will be focusing on all the goals I set out for my passions and letting everything else unfold as it will and not lend more energy to my stress of trying to figure it all out right now.
THANK YOU ALL FOR READING!
If you would like a commission of a simple line art drawing for $5 let me know down in the comments! Proceeds will go towards editing and finding amazing artists to commission for book covers for my future projects. It’s a way of supporting me while I am able to give something back to you as well!
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Cover Rating: 5/10 it’s a nice cover, but it’s pretty basic for my personal tastes. It works and I do like the color of blue it uses, but for me it doesn’t wow me. It’s a clear and nice standard book cover.
Publisher: Wednesday Books
Publish Date: April 7th, 2020
Number of Pages: 288 pages
Received: Netgalley offered an e-arc in exchange for an honest review.
Fifteen-year-old JL Markham’s life used to be filled with carnival nights and hot summer days spent giggling with her forever best friend Aubrey about their families and boys. Together, they were unstoppable. But they aren’t the friends they once were.
With JL’s father gone on long term business, and her mother struggling with her mental illness, JL takes solace in the tropical butterflies she raises, and in her new, older boyfriend, Max Gordon. Max may be rough on the outside, but he has the soul of a poet (something Aubrey will never understand). Only, Max is about to graduate, and he’s going to hit the road – with or without JL.
JL can’t bear being left behind again. But what if devoting herself to Max not only means betraying her parents, but permanently losing the love of her best friend? What becomes of loyalty, when no one is loyal to you?
Gae Polisner’s Jack Kerouac is Dead to Me is a story about the fragility of female friendship, of falling in love and wondering if you are ready for more, and of the glimmers of hope we find by taking stock in ourselves.
Opening Sentence: “Aubrey, I’ve started this letter three times, but each place I begin feels wrong.”
Disclaimer: I finished reading this book on January 12th, 2022. That was 2 years after I should have read it and I’m reviewing it over a year later after that. It’s another reminder to me that I have had it really rough the past few years and it means a lot to me I can give the time to review books the way they deserve from now on.
A note on Gae Polisner: When I first read and reviewed a book by Gae she reached out to me about how much she appreciated my review. She sent me copies of some of her other books that I treasure to this day and will read soon enough. She was always kind and understanding to me when I said I wouldn’t be able to get to those books for a long time and I had always appreciated that. I had promised to always be a champion for her books and to let others know my experience and to support one of the coolest authors I know. Check out this book and her most recent release Consider the Octopus!
Musings:
When I read this book back in 2022 I remember finishing it and feeling like I had meant to have read it at that time. It added a lot of value to my personal situation to the point where I didn’t really know how to review it back then without bringing up a well of fresh pain that went deep inside me. Even now writing this I’m taking moments to press my fingers against my palms because that’s my way of calming myself even since I was a child.
JL’s story is one of being an outsider. Her loss of a old friendship that had lasted her for years leaving her to her own devices in high school. Her realizing her friend doesn’t really share her same values but still missing and wishing they could be friends again because there is so much safety in that kind of comfort. That’s why she writes the letter she does to Aubrey. They may not understand each other anymore, but she wants to share herself with her old friend again because she was always there for her in the past.
JL develops a relationship with her slightly older boyfriend Max and while there was naivety on JL’s part from what she knew they did have a good relationship together. He was interested and attentive to her and didn’t push her beyond what she was ready and willing to do on her part. I think it’s important to remember that teens do experience sex and that they have a choice to explore it and that does not make them sluts or whores.
Aubrey’s hostile nature towards JL bothered me. Her bringing up the Jezebel butterflies that JL kept and implying JL to be a Jezebel struck me as really uncool. It reminded me of a childish scene in Little house on the prairie with Nellie going on about Jezebels and it coming off as taunting and hateful. I don’t care for that kind of nonsense.
JL’s mom is also another really important part of this story and is another thing that Aubrey uses to weaponize against JL. This causes a lot of tension between the two as JL’s mom struggles deeply with mental illness that makes her act in very uncomfortable ways a lot of the time. It’s just a really sad situation and JL’s dad had been the only one to be able to smooth it over a bit and him being away for 6 months due to a job made it really hard for JL and her mom.
Major Spoiler warning!!!
However it’s not until the end of the book with the big reveal of what Max does that I really felt hit in the gut. For context JL’s mom is bipolar and she isn’t there mentally enough to really care for or give guidance to JL in any way. It also led to this situation where her mom is so out of reality she allows the situation with her and Max to happen.
Max and her mom have sex and JL walks in and sees Max come from her mothers bedroom. This is a really intense and awful scenario. However, what struck me the most was the way JL handles the situation. She accepts it. Doesn’t have any further contact with Max despite not hating him, because she truly did care for him and decided to put herself first and stay with her dad.
This is the part that was both healing and hard for me to read. At the time I’d been healing from finding out my ex wasn’t the person I thought he was. A lot of the books feeling and the message of healing was something I needed to be able to move forward, but even though I was already with someone else amazing that pain from that relationship was still deep. How could I have been so in love with someone whose views ended up causing him to push me away with such hatefulness? It was a particularly dark time for me mentally. I wanted to be like JL and turn inward and focus on me and I did that. I didn’t feel as strong as she had been. However, even the BoJack horseman quote had such a deep meaning for me in connection to my situation, because I’d watched it because it’s my current boyfriends favorite show. Something about seeing a message of that show telling me something I needed to hear about the situation with my ex kind of felt like my boyfriend being there for me again in a very indirect way.
Somehow writing this now I still have tears left for this situation. It was a situation where after knowing my ex and going through what we did I was not the same person after even though it was long distance and we’d never physically met. I hope that some way some how my ex gets out of his situation and finds healing. I don’t wish anything bad towards him. However, I feel that I don’t think I could ever trust him enough to speak to him again and I’m sure he’d never want to and that’s for the best for us both.
Through this unique situation I was allowed to find the most wholesome and healing love of my life. I was allowed to give myself the time to just be and breath for a while and dig deep into the person I am and accept myself as someone whole and new. So finally I do feel like I am in that good feeling place that JL had reached for as well as her radical acceptance of herself.
This book mirrored my life in a way that hurt, but gave me messages I’d carried with me in the past year and a half that have helped me to heal and reach the point I am now. This book literally carried me through a muddy heavy time. Now I’m feeling emotions of intense relief and joy because I truly have gotten so much better and I have found a true acceptance of myself.
If your reading this review and you feel you can find value in a story like this in a way that I have I encourage you to read it as soon as you can. I read it in the time I was meant to and maybe writing this and you reading it now is a sign that maybe it’s the right time for you to read this story as well.
The Book Raven 