365 Days of Blogging Challenge

This is something that I have dreamed of doing again for a very long time. I didn’t feel I had it in me to for the past few years and I’d only had the feeling to post every so often for a long time. However, with me wanting to turn writing into my career for real finally and the way I want to just go for it means that I’m actually giving myself the time and space to blog and write novels and poetry everyday.

I will probably not be too strict with myself as long as I get up on time and I do as much writing as I can in the hours before I start my physical job, but for now I feel like this is the way for me to do this. So on June 17th, 2024 I hope to be able to do an update post with my stat breakdowns and posts throughout the year and be able to talk about my growth and all the changes that took place throughout the year.

My other interest in this is to see how my blogging stats grow over a year of consistent blogging. I will be placing all my current stats here and I gotta say I’m super excited to see how it’ll look in a years time starting from very low numbers from what I used to see.

My all time stats:

Some general stats:

Daily stats:

Weekly stats:

Monthly stats:

Yearly stats:

The yearly stats are where you can really tell how much difference consistency in blogging makes for your stats. I went from daily blogging to barely posting occasionally here and there and it makes me feel sad. However, I feel that it is time for a new era in my life where I go for my dreams. The past few years have been about healing and now it’s time for an era where I reach for the sky!

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My Journey Through the Marvel Universe

For many years, I would see superhero films being released one after the other and a majority of the time I felt like I couldn’t watch them because I knew they had an order and I had no idea what that order was supposed to be.

Not too long ago I expressed this desire to watch the films of the marvel universe on Twitter and I was surprised to receive an answer from a friend I went to high school with. He was nice enough to share a watch order with me of which I followed through on only skipping the movies I had already seen.

Here is the order he gave me:

Iron Man (2008)

The Incredible Hulk (2008)

Iron Man 2

Thor

Captain America: The First Avenger

Marvel’s The Avengers

Iron Man 3

Thor: The Dark World

Captain America: The Winter Soldier

Guardians of the Galaxy

Avengers: Age of Ultron

Ant Man

Captain Ameica: Civil War

Doctor Strange

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

Spider-Man: Homecoming

Thor: Ragnarok

Black Panther

Avengers: Infinity War

Ant Man and the Wasp

Thanks to him I watched through all the marvel films when I was sick for a long while and very much enjoyed all of them. I do have my favorites and I have a lot to say about each individually and so for a while this blog is going to showcase a full blown marvel appreciation series. So for now I’m going to give my basic thoughts.

Iron Man/ Iron Man 2: two of the movies I had already watched multiple times. My sister really enjoys Iron Man so these movies are ones that she will put on every once in a while. I always enjoy watching them when it’s on because I like the balance between Stark’s witty sarcasm and the very real danger that he gets himself into.

The Hulk: I didn’t rewatch this film, but I remember the first time I watched it I really enjoyed the love story of it. I remember this movie as being quite sweet.

Thor: I rewatched Thor because I wasn’t sure if I had seen it or not and realized I had. Rewatching made me realize that I love Loki more then I love Thor and I have a lot of very specific feelings about this movie and the Thor v. Loki dynamic so writing a full post on it will be a lot of fun.

Captain America: The First Avenger: This movie hit me hard emotionally. It made me dream of recreating the scene of him saying he had been looking for the right partner to dance with. Captain America is so wholesome and he comes from a place of knowing what it’s like to be beaten. Yet he sacrifices so much all the time. I can’t wait to share my full thoughts on this movie. This one is my favorite of the Captain America Films.

The Avengers: The first time the gang gets assembled. This movie made me laugh again and again and it is home to my favorite marvel scene ever that just can’t be beat. Hulk smashing Loki like a dummy doll. I can’t wait to rewatch this movie sometime soon. It’s a feel good movie for me.

Iron Man 3: I feel like this is the movie that got me to finally understand Iron Man as a man. To me he’s the most human of the Avengers because he is the most flawed and yet behind the wit and the liquor he truly cares about people to the point that it brings him to make some terrible choices. Iron man 3 made me appreciate Iron Man in a whole new way.

Thor: The Dark World: My favorite part of this movie was getting to see Loki and Thor work together. Something about their dynamic is magnetizing to me. Plus, the sprinkles of humor they create is always appreciated.

Captain America: The Winter Solider: What I love about Captain America’s films are how they tend to highlight some sort of insider corruption. He’s always the one to try and fight for the right thing and for justice and seeing him choose and always do his best is incredible. Plus, the opening scene to this film was awesome.. seeing cap jumping out of a aircraft with no parachute was so cool.

Guardians of the Galaxy: this is a movie I had already seen before I decided to go on this marvel quest and I always loved it. The humor is amazing. Groot is amazing. The space stuff is amazing. This movie is just amazing.

Avengers: Age of Ultron: I appreciate this movie much more now then I did when I first watched it.. mostly because I was at the lowest point of my sickness when I set out to watch this movie so I rewatched it the next day and enjoyed it so much more. This movie went a little darker then it’s predecessors. I appreciate it. I love how this felt like a stark film because it highlighted a lot of his darkness that comes out when he’s trying to do good. Plus, Ultron was a cool villain because of how much he was like stark. I have so many thoughts on how they decided to portray Ultron and how it affected the overall theme of this incredible film.

Ant Man: this is my favorite marvel movie. It’s odd. It’s funny. It has the most incredible perspectives ever and I was torn between taking it seriously and laughing at the absurdity of it the entire time. Also I want a pet dog sized ant. I love this movie.

Captain America: Civil War: I love how often the hero’s I’ve grown to love fight each other. I wish they wouldn’t, but it makes me think of them like one big family that continues to grow. The way the two sides split up surprised me, but overall it was cool to see.

Doctor Strange: All I can seem to say about this movie is how cool it is. The magic is amazing. The visuals are amazing. I felt like I was watching inception, but with fighting spiritualists instead of people with guns in suits. The humor in the movie was spot on and I had a blast watching it.

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2: I watched this one before I went on this journey and still I have only two words: Baby Groot.

Spider-Man: Homecoming: I was surprised by how much I enjoyed this film. I’m so ingrained in the image of the original spider man that seeing this much younger version felt weird, but also really great at the same time.

Thor: Ragnarok: This film was one of the most memorable. It had a great balance of light comedy with a very real danger adding intensity. Plus, it was hilarious in a great way. I had a lot of fun watching it.

Black Panther: I tried watching this when it first came out, but I didn’t understand enough about the world then to get into it. But, I gave it a second chance and greatly enjoyed it especially after having a much better understanding of the Marvel universe in general. Plus the shots of Wakanda in general were absolutely gorgeous.

Ant Man and the Wasp: I didn’t love this film as much as I loved Ant Man, but there is a lot to be said about Ant man being under house arrest and doing all he can to be the best version of himself for his daughter. It had a very different vibe from the first Ant Man film.

Avengers: Infinity War: I HAVE WORDS FOR THIS FILM. It destroyed me. It made me a mess. It made me question so many things. I was angry after watching. I was distraught after watching. I wanted to kick thanos’s ass after watching. I just have so much to say about this film.

All this having been said. I have to say I’m so excited for the many Marvel films of the future.. both known and unknown. I’m proud to finally be a part of this franchises fandom in appreciation of its entirety. Captain Marvel will be in theaters March 8th. Endgame is coming to ruin my life on April 26th. Far from home is coming July 5th. Plus, I’m about to set off on a journey through the X-men films (of which I’ve seen a few, but can’t for the life of me recall which ones except for X-men and Logan (which was incredible in every way). Superheroes are adventurous and symbols of people going beyond the call of duty to protect the innocent and do some good. I’ve always loved superhero movies and finally I feel like I’ve entered into the cinematic universe in the way I’ve always meant to do. We have many posts ahead and I have lots to say so, buckle up it’s going to be a journey all on its own.

Thanks for reading! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below.

-Till next time!

I’m Still Learning

I’ve made a lot of mistakes in the past couple of months. I temporarily lost myself in the wake of everything that was going wrong. I reset my mindset again and again and I found new truths and let go of old ones and found hope and lost it and found it again. What went right I didn’t hold on to and anxiety won out.

All of this helped me to see how powerful anxiety can be. It also helped me to see who I really was and what I wanted for myself. Helped me to finally see myself as Tiana the individual and ultimately see that it’s ok to want things for myself. To be selfish. To want to experience love.

To see for the first time the life I want to lead clearly. To see too that it is possible to get there. That there is nothing wrong with dreaming of it. But, to also realize that the only control I have is over myself and my actions and reactions.

I also learned that I can be a bit irrational at times. That fear can make me create situations in my head that are very unlikely to happen even if I believe it at that time. That sort of delusional state is what caused a lot of the problems I encountered in the recent past.

Since realizing this I’ve done my best to resolve the problems that I’ve been encountering. Inwardly and outwardly. One of the best things that has come from this was from a ted talk I found that talked about regret. I forget what it was called but, I saved a quote from it that I will always keep in mind, “If we love people and we don’t want to hurt them or loose them we should feel pain when things go wrong.”

Our regrets and our guilt are not our enemy. It is what tells us what we’ve done that was against who we really are and who we want to be and it teaches us lessons on how to be better as people. I made some majorly stupid decisions that hurt someone I love dearly. But, the regret and the hurt I feel from the aftermath have taught me something of who I am and who I want to be. I’m stubborn. When things go wrong I panic. I want things to work out with all parties involved and I get scared when things go awry to the point that I make things worse because I’m no longer reacting from a rational place. Then upon realizing my mistake I punish myself mentally because I think “how could I have said that? How could I have done that? I’ve ruined everything.”

Because, at the end of the day I’m not a person that gives up on people I care about. I’m the kind of person that stays. I’m the kind of person who will be there for someone even if I hadn’t heard from them for years. I’m not the girl that anxiety creates me to be. I’m not the girl that depression drives me to.

These past few months I had the lowest point in my mental health journey ever and I came out of it. I faced myself and realized that yes I’ve made some bad decisions and yes I’ve caused unnecessary pain, but I’m still learning. I learned the lesson I was meant to learn and I take pride in the fact that I will never make the mistake I made again.

I learned from the pain what it was to really love and not just love another person, but to love myself. Because, even through it all I have myself to keep me stepping forward through every experience life has in store for me.

The weird thing is that while writing this I feel so hopeful. I feel excited about what life has in store for me. I feel for the first time that I’ve truly seen my deepest flaws and accepted them. Accepted myself even though that’s not what this post is about. I’m stubborn and anxious and emotional and impulsive, but all those things come from a place of wanting to be a good person of wanting happiness for myself and those around me and sometimes that means taking an approach that is wrong, but stemming from good intentions and really maybe I’m not so bad after all.

Maybe it’s not that I need to truly change to be the person I wish to be, but to let go of all the negativity towards myself. All that beating myself up. All that misguided self-hatred for feeling like I’m some sort of menace towards the people closest to me. It’s more like I’ve been a temperamental child that took too much on her shoulders and released all the hurt in any way she could trying to keep myself sane and keep everything going right instead of reacting calmly when things went wrong. For the first time, I feel that there really isn’t anything wrong with me. That there never has been. That all the pain I let build inside all that guilt is unfounded. I’ve suffered enough. I don’t need to continue hurting myself mentally anymore.

I know this post has gone a little off the rails and it’s very existential, but I’ve just had one of the most important realizations of my life. I feel free in a totally new way. I feel like myself in a wholly new way. I feel like I can move forward in my life in the best way possible and take on anything that comes my way because I see who I am wholly and I don’t hate myself anymore, because I did.. I did for a long time, but I can see myself for who I am totally and I can see that I’m just trying to do my best with the cards I’ve been given. Yes, I’ve reacted badly, but I know why I had those freak outs and panic attacks and at the center of it all it was from thinking I could do it all on my own and make things better, but that was not in my control. I see myself now and how badly I want to start over and to just live well and love the people I love and not take life for granted. That I deserve to start over. That I deserve to give myself another chance at dancing through life and going with the flow instead of trying to keep everyone happy. To let myself want. To let myself hit a brand new reset button and fully live life authentically as me and know that no matter what it will be beautiful because I won’t be fighting internally anymore. To finally have forgiven myself for everything. To accept myself with all the pain, anxiety, sadness, and all the good, happiness, and hope and see that I truly love myself. To realize that no matter how hard I’ve tried I’ve never truly loved myself like I do in this moment. To know that I’m going to love myself in this way for the rest of my life. To know that I’m going to be my best self from today onward and I’m going to grow so much and love so much deeper from finally accepting myself and loving myself truly from now on.

Thanks for reading! I’ve been on a very huge rollercoaster of a emotional journey recently and I’ve shared it with all of you in the hopes that maybe something I’m going through can help some of you in some way. This post was cathartic and unexpectedly wonderful for me to write. I feel that this was what had been holding me back from living the life I wanted for myself for so long. To know that I’m over it now means that there are infinite possibilities ahead. I’m excited to see where life takes me going forward.

-Till next time!

A Journey in Weightloss

In what has been the craziest 2 years of my life emotionally I went through many avenues of change, mentally, physically, and environmentally. Every time I think of the sheer amount of stuff that has happened I go nuts. In the same two years I hit one of my lowest lows and now I’ve reached the highest point of happiness since I was a little kid. However, that part of my journey is for another time. Right now, I want to talk about something that fills me with pride. The fact that I took control of one of the few things I have control over and worked hard and got noticeable results.

Let’s talk high school graduation. In 2016 I graduated high school with honors. I hadn’t been playing volleyball anymore or doing to much exercise wise and I weighed 158 pounds back then. For my body that’s not so bad because of the places my body carries fat and because of my height which is about 5’6″. At that point I didn’t really want to gain more and I wasn’t exactly happy with my weight, but for the most part it wasn’t something I thought about too much.

In my first and only year at a physical college I gained a little weight getting to about 162 pounds. I started to worry about it a little, but the end of that first year was when shit hit the fan for me at home and I could no longer afford to go to the university I was at and instead started college classes online so I could work.

Transitioning from college student to working girl at the age of 18 was really hard on me. I didn’t really know how to handle it emotionally. Things were no longer about the good times and working towards the future I wanted. They were about struggling every day to make ends meet, working pay check to pay check, and trying to figure out how to breath underneath all that stress. At first, I didn’t deal with everything all that well and at that point food became comforting to me… especially junk food. Before I turned around I was 168 pounds looking in the mirror and realizing that if I didn’t do something and do it right then and there I was going to end up really fat with a lot of health problems like my grandmother and with a whole plethora of body image issues.

At first I didn’t know what to do. I had never ever lost weight before. Growing up I was pretty much always at the right weight for my body and didn’t ever have a weight issue until that point. The one thing I knew was to watch what I was eating. At the time whenever I was even a little hungry I would snack. I didn’t pay attention to what I put in my body and I suffered for it. However, the big starting point came from a video buzzfeed did 7 months ago called We did 100 Squats a Day for 30 Days . I watched it and an idea started brewing in my head and I thought why not try it?

It took me about 2 weeks, but eventually I decided to give it a go. At first, I didn’t notice any changes in myself and really it didn’t matter. What mattered was the action of doing those squats everyday. I was only going to do them for the 30 Days, but I realized that I liked doing it so I never stopped. Of course, I have days I don’t do them. Sometimes I feel a little lazy or my life is being hectic, but most days I get up and do them.

About 2 months into it I started thinking seriously about my food intake (which I feel is the major factor in me loosing the weight). I downloaded a fitness app and looked at my caloric intake and turned myself into a science experiment. For a while I tracked everything I ate. Doing so allowed me to realize just how much food I was eating and how many calories some foods had and not others. It taught me something about portions and eating just enough for my body. Now I don’t use it anymore. I’ve gotten to where I listen to my body and know what is and isn’t too much.

At about month 4 I had a lot of change in the way my jeans were fitting.. they began to be looser.. then looser still.. then much looser and I had to buy new jeans.. and then (they are the jeans I wear now) I noticed they too were not as tight as when I first put them on.

Then two months ago I added 100 crunches to my daily routine because I was loosing more on the bottom then around my stomach and I wanted to change that. It wasn’t long till I started to see that my figure that had once started to get boxy now has a waist. Even my face started to become noticeably thinner.

Today, I am back at 158 pounds. Back to where I begun. 10 pounds in 7 months. It’s not some crazy weight-loss journey. But it’s my very real journey of change and it is still ongoing. I’m still loosing weight. I don’t really have a goal. It isn’t even really about the scale number. All I wanted was to feel healthy in my own skin again. To have the ability to have the clothes I liked to fit and fit well. To feel strong and confident in my own skin again. That is something that I’m happy to say I’ve feel like I’ve accomplished.

I am still continuing on with this journey. This isn’t something I want to give up on after all the hard work and progress. So in the next few months I think I will be able to say that I look and feel better then I ever have. That my body would look better then it did in high school. That I took control of one of the few things I had control over and took something I’d been insecure about for so long and made a change for myself. I’d always wanted to have an athletic build. To feel powerful in my own skin. To do everything I needed to in a day and not feel so exhausted. I’m actually getting to that point.

From now on, I am making it a point to put my health first. To continue shaping myself into the person I always had the potential to be. One of the greatest parts about this journey has been this: it taught me that small steps can have a huge impact.. that if you want something to happen you have to work for it.. that when you take steps towards a healthier you a healthier mindset follows.

It gives me a feeling of great wonder to see in the next 7 months where I’ll be.

Thanks for reading! Let me know your thoughts down in the comments below.

-Till next time!

Writing A Novel, Phase 1: Research

In this post, I am both announcing and discussing something that I am incredibly excited and proud of, the start of my new novel project. 

In my New Years Resolution 2017 post, I meantioned that one of my goals was to finish the first draft of a novel idea that I am incredibly excited for, this post is to layout how I am going about starting it. 

For now the story and idea is under wraps, but what I am willing to say is that this book is a contemporary piece and the main character has a certain mental and physical struggles that they must go through, that are a huge focus of the story. 

In order for me to be able to start writing this story authentically, it means that I must do a lot of research and discussion before I can feel more comfortable writing about this issue. So to begin, I am outlining Phase 1: Research. 

I am beginning this process by looking on YouTube for videos of people who have personally experienced the things that I am writing about. (I hope to eventually contact and converse with a few of those I watch about any questions that may come up) 

I decided to contact my colleges librarian today about where to go to find better research for what I will be writing about and she was a huge help in pointing me to some books, databases, and other sources for me to take a look at and read. I’ve never actually felt so excited to research something in my life. The motivation of what I want to create makes it all worthwhile. 

I hope to soon delve into the many articles and books surrounding the central focus of my story. I can’t wait to let you all know more as my story progresses, but I want to leave it to mystery for now, as I haven’t fleshed out enough of the story yet. 

Gosh, I am so excited! Thank you all for reading! I hope to keep you all updated soon. Let me know what you think in the comments below. Any advice you have for me for my start in the journey of creating a book is well appreciated. 

-Till next time! 

Armor for Orchids: A Review of Faith

Three small-town young women face big-time battles. After suffering a heart-aching breakup, Marissa retreats into herself, over-exercising and depriving herself of food. When she takes on an acting role portraying a mysterious woman named Poppy, she realizes that to find joy again, she must fight for it. Still reeling from the void left after her father died, Elise fills the space with short-lived thrills and flings, each leaving her lonelier than before. But when she meets Brady Bradshaw, the lead actor in a movie being filmed in her hometown of Bluebonnet, she finds herself drawn to something more than his charm and good looks. The honeymoon phase ended long ago for Charlotte and her husband, who pays more attention to his phone and sports than to her. After meeting handsome, blue-eyed Wes, her imagination shifts from the fantasy world of her romance novels to reality. Will she strive to save her marriage, or will lust and apathy undermine what she knows is right? Poppy McAdams calls these women the Orchids. Despite barely knowing them, this sage older woman assigns each a particular species of orchid, one that reveals what they struggle against and how to fight back victoriously. Her own life has been rife with hardship and heartache, but it serves the Orchids well as they learn to trust in God’s 

My Rating: A book that brought me to a better relation with God deserves more then a rating, needless to say this book has more than earned its 5 stars. 

Publisher: Evatopia Press

Published: December 30, 2016

Received: An ebook arc from the author 

Purchase: Amazon

Musings: 

Sometimes I think that God messes with me by letting me believe that I am in control of what I do and what happens to me in my life and then purposefully takes that away from me by flipping everything on its side and showing me something to help me see things differently. That’s what I feel this book was for me, divine intervention. 

I have never read a faith inspired book. I never really thought I was going to read one. As much as I believe in God it never really crossed my mind to read a book about faith. Which, thinking about it now feels rather bad of me, but I digress. 

Going into this book I knew it had to do with faith, but I didn’t realize how closely I was going to identify with the characters and how much I would hope for their futures. 

First off is Marissa, a woman who’s break-up lead her to digress into a hole of self-pity that I remember feeling myself when I was having a lot of problems with self-image and self-worth a few years ago. Like my own mother, Marissa’s doesn’t let her wallow if she can help it. It made me so happy to see a mom that instead of being the sole comforter, actually pushes Marissa to do something and take control of her life. 

Then there is Charlotte, a married woman who feels dissatisfied with the way her marriage has transpired and seeks other means to spice up her life. Her faith journey was the one that inspired me the most. Reminding me that under certain circumstances you need to say no where you’ve previously said yes.

Elise made me really happy. I feel like Brady fit her perfectly and their dates were always fun to read. I love the banter that Brady and Elise had between them both. Her doubts about God made me sad especially her reasons for doubting, but we are all full of doubt one way or another it’s a part of life. 

Bringing them all together is Poppy, an older woman whose life is being told in a movie. Poppy is the most steadfast believer in God I have ever come across. Her meddling in these women’s lives made them and me, all the better for it. 

For a faithfilled journey full of ups, downs, side roads, and the guiding light of fate that looks a lot like Orchids, take the dive into the world of Armor for Orchids. A book that for the health of your soul, you will never regret reading. 

Thank you for reading. I hope you take a chance on the faith journey that is Armor for Orchids. 

-Till next time!